City of Shamballah
by Failboat
Summary: SPOILERS: Everyone dies.
1. DRAMA

"Since when... did the trees stop looking green to me... When did Linkin Park feel so good to listen to?"

Here we see some gray haired chick, totally angsting because she forgot how to shot web.

--Cherry Blossom Hill--

Cue to the scene where some ginger's all walking down a normal town of normal proportions. She then looks at the piece of paper in her hand...

"No way, this is the Pokemon League...? LOL WUT. Dawg, you gotta be kidding me, it's that far!?"

She then breaks into a run and heads towards the Pokemon League.

"O lawd--I'm going to be in deep shit if I don't make it," so upon saying this, she divides by zero and creates a portal that leads her to the designated area, which sadly, isn't some mental institution in any town, in any place, in any copypasta.

She finally arrives and sees how cheap the animation budget is.

"ZOMG THE UNIFORMS ARE SO KAWAII DESU ;;,"

"OH SNAP THEM 7cm SKIRTS ARE SO SUGOII"

"PENIS PENIS PENIS"

Of course, she was to busy looking at the generic animu chicks that she didn't notice where she was going. That, and because she's a ginger. She uncontrollably ran down a steep hill and gets PWNED (and contracts AIDS? We don't know yet).

After getting her face pwnt, she looks up and sees this cheaply photoshooped church and this one hueg liek xBox lake.

"Oh God, where am I?" she says, confuzzledly. But the beyblader in her broke her worry into a cocky grin, "I'll have to go back, if I don't, I'LL NEVER BECOME A POKEMON MASTER AND HIDE MY FAILURES WITH NEW SEASONS AND SHIT CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL."

The ginger then runs back to the entrance and stuff. After two seconds of running, she falls into walking and gets lost somewhere in the forest. Then, like the Gaorrachiafgsfds forest from a certain Tales game, there's this huge blinding flash and shit and suddenly, light dramatically appears and shines towards a tree in the middle of the woods.

"This must be where I can get some HP lol," she says as she falls back against it.

She then turns around to see that one gray haired chick, yeah? But she gets all scared and junk so she like, stumbles down causing her bag to hit her IN THE FACE OH GOD MAGICAL FLOATS and as well as making her Ebichu keychain fall to the ground.

The gray haired chick is now all like, "WTF IS THIS SHIT?"

The ginger then uses her backpack as a shield against the other girl because running is never an option for anorexic people. Upon seeing that she reacted a bit too much, she pulls her bag down a bit, to watch if the opposing girl was going Stormcrow on her. But, the other girl wasn't doing such an epic feat, instead the ginger just looked at her as if she were the true meaning of Chocklit Rein.

"Oh wow... I'd hit that," she remarks, but then suddenly realized what she just said, "Oh, I'm sorry for such a rude comment, you see, I just transferred here, so basically I'm still a n00b. Please don't ban my ass," the ginger comments, her eyes sparkling with lust, and hunger. Mostly hunger. Someone needs to give these chicks a cheeseburger or something.

"It's okay lol," the silver haired girl then picks up the ginger's Ebichu keychain and attempts to hand it to her. ""Here."

The ginger starts to walk up to her and holds her hand out to grab her keychain and GTFO. Their hands meet, and the other girl then notices how long the ginger's fingers are.

"o thx u fo be mah frind," says the ginger.

But then, the silver haired girl challenges her to a battle.

DAGAGAGAGAGADUNDADADADUN

But the ginger just remembered that all her Pokeymans had fainted and she didn't have any.

Text suddenly appears out of nowhere, reading: THE GINGER HAS NO MORE POKEYMANS LEFT. THE GINGER WHITED OUT.

After she fainted, the other girl then started to J-J-JAM IT IN.

--

"Oh snap, wtf, "the ginger yelled as she awoke in the Pokayman centre. "Man, that was some messed up lucid dream. I shouldn't smoke pot before I leave home. Like seriously, dude. Seriously."

She checks inside her uniform to see if one of her breasts may have been chopped off in some attempt to score some guro. She then starts to look around. Upon checking to her left, she sees some weird blue haired chick, with epic purple-ish eyes staring at her, smiling as if she had just nabbed a 1000000 GET.

Of course, the ginger then jumps in surprise (if I were her, I'd probably do the same. Except some cunt punting would be included).

"Sweet exploding gonads D: blue hair--I have red, so this must mean that you must be my rival!!11shift+1!"

"Ah, sorry, I may have tried to fap on your face while you were sleeping. I mean, c'mon, who wouldn't take advantage of some random high school chick--I mean--KAWAII DESU "

The ginger then looks at her, her eyes as wide as saucers (or was it? I can't tell, it's animu after all. Everyone has super kawaii big-ass eyes).

"Am I in the Pokayman centre?" she asks.

"No, this is the Black Sword's infirmary. This is where you raise Tamagotchi ripoffs," the blue haired perv replies. "btw mah screenname is SuzumiTamao.exe. I want you to scream that while we totally get it on."

The ginger then moves a little towards Tamao. "Oh, my name, shit I can't remember, I don't usually use tripcodes. I really hate being a tripfag."

Tamao smiles, "Don't worry, I know your name. It's lonelygurl15--I mean, Aoi Nagisa, amirite? You're in the same grade and class as me--also, we're roommates. Isn't that sugoooooooiiiiiiii desu?"

Nagisa simply looks at Tamao, her face neutral, as if she had just seen Goatse for the very first time.

"Nagisa, you okay lol? WHAT DOES IT SAY ABOUT YOUR POWER LEVELS?" Tamao screams in a very serious tone.

Nagisa jumps up on the bed, "IT'S OVER 9000--!!"

The blue haired perv starts giggling at the shitty attempt of inserting memes into the story, "I lol'd."

Her giggling was ceased when Nagisa starts worrying. Again. "O lawd, it's waaaaay to late already. I can never become Pokieman master now. Thanks a lot, fag."

"STFU. You should be grateful, I saved your ass, you were almost gangraped by a whole mess of upperclassmen. I was going to join, but I decided, if I saved you, I could score points with you later. GO GO GENERIC SHONEN ROMANCE PLOT."

"FO REALS? DAYUMN, I'm sorry to have doubted you, Tomato. I was all nervous about this Pokieman master thing that I could barely sleep, so I took some pot to relieve some of the stress. It helped but still, y'know... I'm here and I have no idea what the shit's been going on."

"OH U. Well, newayz I'm your roommate, so it's my duty to stalk you and shit. COMPRENDE?"

"Si, senor."

"YOUR TRANSFER PROCEDURES ARE ALL AFFIRMATIVE. WE SHALL NOW BE TAKING A TOUR AROUND THE BASE. AFTERWARDS, WE SHALL RETURN TO OR ASSIGNED SLEEPING AREAS."

"lol, w/e."

"But before that..." With her eyes hidden in her hair, kinda like the universal faceless hentai-penis-man, she grabs something from her pockets. It appears to be some tape of some sort.

"Now this is what I'm talking about. Duct tape--wait that's not--OH GOD NO. NOT INNUENDO."

Tamao then wrapped the measuring tape around Nagisa, and started taking notes down "I'm jotting down your measurements because we need it for your AWESOME DIGIMAN TAMER OUTFIT. This is more of an excuse to get some boob though."

"But I want a Pikachu..." Nagisa sighed.

"NO," Tamao yelled sternly.

"Well, shit."

--

So okay, they went to the base's salvation army to go get some sexy bondage outfits, as well as Nagisa's new tamer uniform. After that's done, it was time for the tour around the school, so off they went.

"So when do I get my Mudkips?" Nagisa asks, as she turns to the other girl.

"i haet mudkips," she replies.

"D'aww."

"deal w/it."

"'Ey, what about the measurement's, what's with that?"

"It's necessary for a doujin I'm making."

"Hawt."

Anyway, outside, they started to talk about why Nagisa was transferred to this unit.

"y r u here lol? plz be telling me da epic story bcuz it prolly cant get itz own epizode cuz the animation budget is like, crap," the blue haired girl asks, turning to her newfound "friend."

Nagisa drew in some air and began: "You see, I was born and raised in West Philadelphia, one day I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said 'you're moving with your auntie and uncle in bel-air' but when I got there, I wasn't black enough so they sent me here instead."

Tamao then stared at her wide eyed. Her mouth gaped a bit. "Wow, you're story's so deep. It made me cum rainbows. It's rare to see Rookie tamers transfer here, y'know? We mostly get n00bs."

The ginger looks at her friend and asks, "Wtf is a rookie? That's not on my trainer card."

"You see, in this server, we have this thing where we have like, ranks, not some shitty trainer card colour change."

"Fuck you, Tomato."

They paused for a second, for a bit of sightseeing and to explain a bit more about the Astraea Server.

Nagisa started to look around, then something catches her attention, so she asks, "What's that thing there? It looks like a giant--"

"It's a Cathedral. That's where we hold sacrifices," Tamao answers.

"LOL WHAT."

"West of that Cathedral is the Blue Falcon headquarters."

-cue to what I thought was White Castle-

"East is the Gold Hawk station, ja?"

-cue to fruity pink and green school-

Finally, something ticked inside Nagisa, "Fo' realz, dawg? This must be why I saw three different outfits. Like seriously, I was wondering why you got me the shittiest one. I thought we could choose or something. And to think I was about to bust a cap in yo' ass. Haha."

"The white uniform belongs to the Blue Falcon's, yes? And the red kawaii animu sefuku desu belongs to the Gold Hawks."

"Wait, wait. Dude, I thought those were Spica and Luli--"

"STFU, Nagisa."

"GAAAHH. Je ne comprends pas..."

"Hold on while I open google translator."

Well, after some walking, they finally arrived at Nagisa's station... err, classroom. Of course, no one was there because everyone was outside having a Tijuana carwash party.

"This is where you'll be working your ass off. If you slack, the mods will ban you, " says Tamao warningly.

"Why does this look so cheap? I thought we were rich and whatnot."

"plz dun question me or i'll have to charge mah lazer," Tamao replies, "also, we have to go back to the sleeping quarters lol."

They walked back tot he dorms, via really old hallways that seriously need to be washed. Or Photoshopped better.

"You can't stay out late, six o'clock curfew and whatnot. If you do, well... the nuns will be doing God knows what to you," Tamao states very sternly.

"Wow, this school just got a whole lot shittier."

"STFU."

They arrived at what seems to be a huge statue of the Mother Mary. HUEG. Not as hueg as xBox though, or almost as long as longcat. The two compadres then precedeed to pray.

Tamao opens her eyes, to catch a glimpse of Nagisa praying... something about the B&HAMMER, "wow ur so kawaii, even when u pray..."

"Of course, nigga."

But her phrase was cut short as two girls then walked past them. One of them then spoke up, "Hey Tamao, we saved on spot for you at the Tijuana carwash. Wanna stay here or do you wanna come, both figuratively and literally, with us?

"I'll choose the latter," the blue haired girl smiles.

So, Tamao casts off her uniform, and ran off and Nagisa was left by herself so she decided to gb2/dorms/ by herself. The sun was setting causing an eerie glow to fall on the badly Photoshopped trees. But, all of a sudden, she sees some sort of apparition fly past and because she's a retarded ginger, she decides to go follow it instead of going back to the dorms.

"That I.P. address, you're the same fag as before!"

She starts running but then gets lost, because... she's a ginger lol.

"Now where'd that nigga go--" She looks at her watch, "Ahh! It's almost 6! I'M GONNA GET THE B&HAMMER FOR REALZ THIS TIEM!"

On the other side of the compound, we see Tamao running, just barely making it past the curfew. She then arrives at the dorms. Thinking Nagisa was there, she put on a bondage outfit, whip included of course and entered the room, in a sexy fashion--she totally went DYNAMIC ENTRY on that shit.

"Hay Nagisa, let's try out that 'two girls, one cup' thing--!!"

But Nagisa wasn't there. So, Tamao got all worried and pissed off at the same time.

"FGSFDS."

Cue to the seen where Nagisa is running for her life, and for the sake of the interwebs. She tried to run as fast as she could, to catch the now closing gates. Tamao was on the other side, running for Nagisa.

Tamao then gasped out, "DUDE, whatever you do, don't come in, I don't want your head all caught up in that gate and chopped off--like in that one doujin where you starred."

"TOMATOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Nagisa yelled. Of course, what Tamao said didn't happen, isntead Nagisa's stuck on the other side, totally shitting bricks now, "Now I'll never become Pokayman master D:"

"Oh man, your screwed. Only the admin can open the door."

"Admin, what is this moonspeak?"

"You're screwed, here comes Administrator Shaneequa Latifa Bunifa Rashifa Tequila Shaqueefa Jackson."

Some old bag then walks up to Nagisa, see? Nagisa looks up to face the admin.

"Oh damn. Lady, you may be old, but I'd still hit that," Nagisa remarks silently.

The admin obviously takes this as SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS, "Keep yo' mouth shut, gurl. You fucking didn't follow the rules. I'm gonna have to suspend yo' ass--but, for now, I'm just gonna have to bend you over and bring it around town."

--

BAM. The admin's B&Hammer hits the desk fiercly.

The admin looks at Nagisa, "Gurl, just cuz u couldn't stay at Bel-Air don't mean dat u get to screw around this server. BITCH PLEASE." This time, she was totally tellin' bitches off.

"No need to get your panties in a bunch, I'm sorry DDDDD:," Nagisa pleaded.

"Say the Terms of Agreement one moar tiem if u dun wanna get sent to B&land," The admin whacks her B&Hammer on her desk once again.

"This sucks small, blue penis. Seriously."

Nagisa started to recite the rules loudly as the admin looked at her, pissed off, like, fo' real.

Tamao was waiting outside the admin's office. She then turns to see that some other blue haired chick was there, her hair was shorter and darker though.

"Station President, Rokujew..."

Tamao was cunt punt'd for this.

Meanwhile, Nagisa was still inside, trapped and confused and is unable to get out. She was kind of like "the gerbil."

"Rule #15...? If a camwhore posts, tits must be shown. If this rule is broken, said camwhore most get the fu--" Nagisa, as well as the admin, paused in what they were doing when they heard a knock on the door.

Rokujew then came--rainbows--and totally went FIST OF THE NORTH STAR on the admin's face and grabbed Nagisa's arm. They then ran outside, taking Tamao along the way, heading towards the dining hall. LOLWTF.

Little ginger Nagisa was still confused as fuck so she's all like: "Guh, whut. WHAT. What's going on now? Man, I'm still lucid dreaming aren't I? Where are we going? B&land? Remind me to post this as a copypasta somewhere..."

"Every n00b has to meet the representative of the trinity. I'm going to be taking you to her," Rokujew tells her.

"She better not have blue hair too. I'm like, totally going DSFARGEG over that right now."

--

The clock read 6:45. Everyone was in the dining hall. All of the BG characters looked the same, just with different eye and hair colour. Oh, Japan.

Here we see another ginger talking to her green-haired (WHAT THE--) friend.

"Do you think she has AIDS? The new recruit, I mean," the ginger asks.

Her friend raises a brow, "AIDS? I don't think she's slept with you yet."

"Fuck you, dude."

A blonde (blonde asians? lol animu) loli then overhears them talking. She holds up her bear... thing and starts speaking to it. She shows signs of being an ass-burger.

"Pandamon, what do you think of the new recruit?"

"She closed the pools," the bear replied.

The girl then squints her eyes and replies, "hurr hurr i c whut u did thar."

The green haired (LOLOLOL) girl then backs up a bit, causing a glass of water to -almost- fall, luckily, some other chick caught it (a chick with an actual believable hair colour for an Asian).

The girl had a pair of ribbons on her BLACK--not purple, not blue, not yellow, not rainbow--hair, which sayed gently as she moved. She then speaks to the other girl, "You best watch yo' back, nigga. We need this water to supersoak dem hoes."

"Please, please, for the love of Allah, don't talk like a fag," says the the leprechaun.

Anyway, some background character looks over her left shoulder and asks the girl next to her, "Do you think that the new recruit will be super special awesome?"

The other girl(obviously one of the main characters) , with short, blue hair (God whut) with blue eyes then slowly starts to speak, "i dunno lol. y u aks me?"

On the other side of the room, there's more talking. Once again, it's between another BG character and another main character. With pink hair. PINK. WHAT. Damn you, animu.

"Something something noob... etc."

"I really don't care about the newb. She comes from the Black Sword guild, so I don't care, but later on, I probably will, after all I'm a Tsundere desu," the pink haired girl replies, as she picks up a strawberry daifuku.

On the same side of the room, we see, oh lord, another Asian (Oh hay, realism? Not really. This is anime), with long black hair and wild, yellow eyes (is dat sum yellow fever?) and the subject of many fanfics on this site, speaking to her ubermach-Aryan friend.

The dark haired girl then leaned closer to the blonde, "hay baiyb, when'll u tell me that a/s/l info?"

"Don't talk to me. I don't like your kind," she mumbles as she looked around.

The camera then pans to this dude--Oh wait--IT'S A TRAP. Well, more like reverse trap. With blue hair (ASDFMOAR!?) and red eyes (don't smoke pot, kids). She looked indifferent (I'm guessing this will be her facial expression for everything), "I hope this one isn't one of those special needs students. We have enough of those already..."

Outside, Nagisa, Rokujew, and Tamao were standing outside the dining hall's door.

"This is the dining hall. It is made of lolis and DIABEETUS. Before you start fattening yourself, greet the rep first," Rokujew states as she opened the door.

"SIR! YES, SIR!" Nagisa exclaims.

As the door opened, all the dykes turned and focused everything on the ginger. Nagisa looked to her left and glanced at the student's in black, smiling at her. To the other direction, the students in white looked as if they'd just seen Chris Crocker. Also: ARYAN ALERT.

She shuddered a bit, "I feel like the subject of an intense bukkake session."

Nagisa stops to see a group of students crowded in a small circle.

Rokujew then began, "This is the new recruit, captain. She's here to greet you and such."

Nagisa whispered to herself, "She's in the middle of that circle jerk? She must be extremely hardcore. TO THE MAX, y'all."

Upon hearing this, the students then turned to face her. In the middle, there was a girl with long purple hair. She, too, turns to face Nagisa and begins to stand, "She just logged off..."

But before the girl could finish her sentence, Nagisa began to drop to her knees and her eyes closed, and hands cupped near her mouth, as if she were asking for it, and spoke, "Oh, master, I shall do whatever you would like. I won't complain, just please spare me from bannination a--"

Tamao and Rokujew were all like LOLWUT. Once Nagisa had finished her sentence, Tamao then worriedly stepped up ('cause the bass is buzzin) and spoke to the ginger indirectly, "Nagisa, you retarded cunt..."

Nagisa stood back up and sighed a breath of relief. Suddenly, another girl leans forward towards the ginger and whispers, "Guess what a simple google search can do?"

With a quick body jerk, Nagisa turned around and realized who just spoke to her. She steps back and points accusingly at the gray haired chick, "A CHALLENGER APPEARS!"

Of course, apathetic to the current reaction of the ginger, the other girl walks up closer to her. Nagisa gets even more defensive this time.

"Who do you think I am? Snapesnogger? Back, limey! You're in front of the boss here, faggot! Changing your I.P. address won't do anything :0 shift+1"

Everyone lol'd when they saw how retarded Nagisa is. Even Rokujew went facepalm on that shit. But this only motivated the gray haired girl even more. She smirked and moved even moar closer towards Nagisa.

She cornered the ginger and looked into her eyes and said, "ITTY BITTY BABY ITTY BITTY BOAT."

"I... I DON'T BELIEVE IT--!!" Nagisa yells, as she knew what to say in situations like these.

"HABEEB IT!" The other girl screams in her face.

All the other girls anticipated the final blow and moved up from their chairs to look closer. But! Just when Nagisa was about to TWINKIE HOUSE the gray haired dyke in face, Rokujew steps in and stops them, "Shizuma, stop before I cunt punt you."

"Baww. Why must you be so faggoty at times like these?" Shizuma pouts, quite disappointed.

"Because... it's time."

The clock struck 7. It was about time for... something. I don't know.

Shizuma walks away, leaving Nagisa in a WTF state. Tamao zooms in to catch Nagisa and tries grab some boob. "Nagisa-chaaaan D: WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

Nagisa quickly awakens from her daze and answers, "MUDA DA, Tomato."

"WRONG ANSWER." Tamao then punched Nagisa in the face.

Rokujew proceeds and asks everyone to SENTARSE AND STFU. Everyone was so skeered and covered in lust, seeing as how everyone was sex-deprived and SO RONERY ;;. Nagisa sat in her place, with Tamao to her right. Tamao looked at her, or more specifically, her sweater-puppies. Nagisa sighs, quite depressed since now, everyone thinks she has downs or something.

Rokujew motioned for Shizuma to stand, "Lead us to prayer, oh mighty one."

"WHY HER? I'M LUCID DREAMING. COPYPASTA. NOT GONNA BE A POKAYMAN MASTER. BEKs EVERYWHERE." Nagisa moaned as she continually slammed her head on the table.

Tamao then jammed a nail, square on her head, "Shut your whore mouth pleez." With that, Nagisa quited down, temporarily.

Shizuma, proceeds with the prayer, "Dear Jesus, Please kill everyone. Regards, lesbian catholic high school girls. P.S. Do you think this is ironic? I think so too. Please E-mail me soon. Amen, desu. o"

Nagisa glances up, interrupted from her chain of thoughts revolving around Beyonce's face, "Heh. She obviously forgot to mention something about shotting web."

Shizuma ended her prayer, looked at Nagisa and gave her a wink wink nudge nudge motion.

Nagisa looks at her and states, "REQUEST DENIED."

--

Inside their sleeping quarters, Tamao and Nagisa were resting from unpacking all of Nagisa's data and porn stash. Boxes were stacked on top of each other (cud dis b sum foreshadowing ;D?) and the room was a mess. Tamao had decided to play around with Nagisa's hair for tonight, collecting strands to complete her Nagisa shrine.

Tamao brushed Nagisa's hair and touched her face, "Wow, that was one bitchin' Kwanzaa, I can tell you that."

"Tomato, am I still lucid dreaming? 'Cause I usually don't do weird shit like that unless I am."

"If I told you that you still are, would you go to bed with me?"

"Are you shitting me? I'm not turning this shitty fanfic into a kawaii YayaxOC angst-fest story."

"It already is."

"Well, shit," Nagisa groans, "Can I still get my Pikachu though?"

"No."

--

Nagisa had just enrolled herself in an apeshit insane school! Will she be able to fuse with Goku and Chad Wardenn? Will she be able to handle the burden of dying to come back to life? Her destiny awaits her! Find out soon on the next episode of DRAGONBALL Z.


	2. MOAR DRAMA

A rainbow fursona just crossed the sky, hence the rainbow trail in the sky. We are now located at Hueg liek xBox lake. There seems to be someone reading a passage from a book, leaned against a tree.

"Amidst a blinding glare of descending fire, the voice of Heaven resounded with the blasphemies of Hell," she read OUT LOUD, "and the mingled agony of the lost reverberated in one apocalyptic planet-rending appeal of cyclopean din."

It was Tamao. She looks up and sees the seizure-inducing rainbow.

"lol, that story had nothing to do with rainbows."

-Etoile-

We zoom in to the crappily rendered dorms. Nagisa was peacefully sleeping. While she slept all her deepest desires of loli and incest were played out in her subconscious--though, she was disturbed from her sleep when she wakes up to see that she was almost raep'd by Tamao.

Nagisa jerked awake, "AKAZUKIN THAT'S NOT MR. WOLF DDDDD:"

Tamao looks at her and smiles as she put her uniform back on, "Oh, hay lol. You're very kawaii desu when you're asleep."

"Make like Mitchell Henderson and kill yourself."

"D'aaaawww, you're so kawaii when ur pissed too :0 ZOMG!"

A swift punt to the cunt was Nagisa's reply to Tamao. The blue haired girl then doubled over and collapsed to the ground, "Just what did you do that for, you stupid, mentally handicapped 'tard!? I was just going to tell you that your uniform is here! My vag00 hurts like a bitch..."

Nagisa then kicked Tamao out of the way and grabbed her new uniform. It consisted of a black windbreaker and a pair of pants of the same colour, goggles included, all of them lined with green.

"Would you like me to help you put it on?" Tamao offered.

The ginger shook her head in disapproval, "No thanks, Tomato. After you attempted raping me in my sleep, what would make you think that I'd let you help me dress?"

"Because you're slow."

"...Good point."

With the help of a few staples to here and there, Nagisa had finally put her uniform on. She then looks at herself in the mirror.

"I look like Juliana Wetmore... LOL!" Nagisa laughs at herself in the mirror, "Still looks pretty pimp though."

Her friend then offered her a chair, in which she graciously accepts.

The perverse girl then began to brush Nagisa's hair, "Okay, sentarse and STFU. I'm going to give you your very own 'fro. This way, you can protect people from the AIDS in our school pool."

"WHAT."

"Yes."

Of course, Tamao FAILED IT and gave Nagisa a ponytail instead.

"Can I still close the pools, Tomato?" Nagisa says, starry-eyed.

"No lol :D"

--

Meanwhile, in the hallways, we see Shizuma walking with her peeps, y'all. It's like a fucking rainbow. When they walked past the other students, the other girls would fall into a sexually sexified seizure from all the awesome, radiating from Shizumanko.

"Shizuma-sama, ur so hawt y u no buttsecks with me? am I not kawaii enuf?"

"GTFO my face, nigga."

While Shizuma was busy pwnin bitches, Nagisa and Tamao were running faster than fat cholos trying to cross the border, "Dammit, Tomato! Why must you take so long with everything you do to me!? Next time, we're gonna need a hand-check. Seriously."

"No way! We already have that as a Church procedure here!" Tamao says, whilst trying to run faster than speedycat.

But now it was low-animation-budget-tiem. The two were running too fast that they fell off the stairs and crashed into Shizuma and her bitches like bowling balls to pins. So, everyone was like, "LOLTFBBQ??"

"It was Tomato's fault. Clumsy bitch was pushing me..." Nagisa explained, she then glances upwards to see that she has just crashed into Shizuma, "Oh snap! You--!!"

Shizuma nods at her, "Osu!"

Nagisa looks at the other girl, quite mesmerized, "I WANT YOU TO STICK IT IN PLEASE."

"Aoi-san, as uber hawt Station President, I have a word of advice for you." Rokujew states, "Calm. The Fuck. Down. Please."

"WHAT. It was Tomato's fault, I told you! Damn it free mason..."

But before she could finish with her incoherent mumbling, Shizuma then spoke up, "a/s/l? Wie heiBen Sie?" haet symbols :( )

"9/F/Iran. My interests include lesbian pedophiles, lesbian rape and cheap lesbian hookers," Nagisa answered, "Mein mannlich ist Nagisa Aoi, por favor."

"From this day on, I dub you--NAGISA-CHAN!" Shizuma dramatically declared as she raised her open palm in the air and slapped Nagisa in the back with it, "GJ, faggot."

"Whu...?" Nagisa gave her a "I is retarb persun" face.

"The uniform suits you. Is that a shovel in your back pocket...?" Shizuma asks.

Nagisa rolls her eyes, "Yeah, yeah, 'cause you're diggin' that ass. No shitty pick-up lines, please."

Shizuma smacks her, "You know what? Fuck you, I think I'll go Marimite with your tie now."

...and she did. Nagisa blushed as Shizuma did this since the taller girls tits were right IN FRONT OF HER FACE. While Shizuma was fixing the tie, the ginger admired the work of art before her and started fantasizing, fading away from reality.

"I hope that today..." Shizuma slyly utters as she placed a hand on one of Nagisa's breasts thus making tons of fangirls take out their shotguns and slowly aim it at the ginger, "...will be a sexually sexified day."

Nagisa was caught in Shizuma's glare--paralyzed. Shizuma then began on trying to STICK IT IN. Tamao then thought fast and grabbed an item from her backpack. She heroically runs to Nagisa and sprays her in the face with it, "Paralyz Heal, nigga!"

Upon doing this, everyone froze from what they were doing. Tamao then yelled out, "Everybody! Hand check!"

Nobody rose their hands as they were too busy with... you know. Never mind. Well, newayz, Tamao then grabbed Nagisa away from Shizuma quickly, "Man, that was close."

Nagisa blinks at her friend, "I... was almost raped again, wasn't I?"

Tamao nods.

"Damn, that's like, the second time today D: WTF?!"

"Nagisa, we have to go to the BIOS Domain," Tamao then looks at the silver-haired girl and her band of Merry-men, "BRB FBI."

Rokujew then looks at the other students, "Everyone, it's time for the sacrifice."

Everyone threw their hands in the air and rejoiced. Much fun was to be had on that day.

After the students left, Rokujew then turns to Shizuma and cunt punts her, "You too! Calm. the Fuck. Down. Stop fucking around with the newbs, dude. It's not cool. I don't want to have to adjust your warning level. Again."

Shizuma just twitched on the floor.

--

What? What? Is this a castle? Could this be--Disneyland! NOT. Fuck. Nagisa and Tamao we're now inside the cream-colored building, getting their Digi-Beetles ready for their next assignment.

"Man, I swear, I probably shat a house of bricks back there..." Nagisa sighs, "I need to wear some sort of vag00-armor or something. That's probably work against that chick, right, Tomato? I mean, I almost had a heart aneurysm," The ginger then stops in her tracks, "My heart is beating faster than a husband beats his wife. Poor Miyuki--Oh wait, I'm not supposed to know yet, huh? HAHA, Time Paradox :D"

"I want to rip her face out and eat it... just for doing that to you." Tamao says, grinding her teeth.

"Hardcore. To the max, y'all!" Nagisa and Tamao then share an INTERNET HIGH FIVE YES. But, they were in front of the Virign Mary statue, and it got pissed at the possible lesbianismisms that it shot thunder-bolts out of her hand and fried the fuck out of the two young girls. Did u c whut i did thar?

Inside their work stations, student of NORMAL FUCKING HAIR COLOURS were standing around, acting like little cunts. God, I want to kill them all.

Upon walking in, Nagisa then yelled out, "OSU! Guess who's here? That's right. I'm in the house now. Bitch," This caused Tamao to FACEPALM.

A rush of fangirls then crowded around Nagisa spouting out random shit like, "Dayumns D: You should have video taped that! Man, I bet it was hot! HOT YOUTUBE MATERIAL! Best part is, it'll be flagged! HOSHI--That's awesome. I came just thinking about it."

Nagisa then grabbed hold of Tamao, "Tomato, I'm skeered... WAAAUGH."

Tamao returned with a hug, as well as a quick squeeze to one of the ginger's show-stoppers, "It's okay lol," She then turns to the fangirls, "Hay, how did the info spread faster than AIDS?"

One of the fangirls (Oh man, DRILL HAIR! Ha ha ha... That's nice) spoke up, "It's like a fucking worm! It's all over the server! It was like that Tubgirl epidemic last year :DDDDDDD"

Now Tamao and Nagisa were like :O WTF!?!?shift+/ So they fuz0r'd and knocked the shit out of the hormonal lesbian fantards. It was SUPER EFFECTIVE--CRITICAL HIT--MASSIVE DAMAGE--POWER OVERWHELMING. Just kidding, it was a failure and they got ran over by the fantards.

"Tomato, How do we escape THIS MADNESS...!?" Nagisa asks her friend, a tone of worry in her voice.

Tamao paused. She looks up and exclaims, "THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

And so, that was how two girls fought and held-up an army of 30. EPIC EPIC EPIC.

After all that bullshit, it was time to get into some SRS BSNS. While the teacher was paraphrasing a sermong given by Hitler, Nagisa was in her own little world, thinking of lolis and rape.

--

Inside the cafeteria, Tamao was force-feeding Nagisa with food, specifically some corm (Corn is spelled corm. No exceptions), "im in ur dinin room! eatin ur corm!"

"i haet corm. BUT WHATEVER! I'm going to turn you into every inflation artists' wet dream!"

"Oh you suck," Nagisa whined, "Hmm. At least the food's not as shitty as I thought it would be. And there's so many chicks here. They're taking up all my breathing space... this won't be good if you want me to become a fatty."

Tamao lol'd, "Don't worry, they'll be 'eating out' soon. But you know, here at the Ichigo Domain, that's a rule... that bastard Shizuma, gave out... Best thing she's done, IMO..."

"The parfait tastes like shit."

"That's not parfait."

"What is that then?"

"Hell, if I know, I ain't tryin' that. Thomas Hewitt's the chef for that stuff."

"Who?"

Tamao then shook her head, "Never mind! Never mind!" She looks at Nagisa, who was halfway from putting a sandwich in her mouth, "Hey now, wasn't that mine? Hurr hurr."

Nagisa inspects the plates and sees that she has eaten practically EVERYTHING, "Hey! Don't go and blame me! Because of you, we didn't have time for breakfast! Fag! And see, how I'm still not a Pokayman master!? Guess who I should thank for that!?"

"There's one sandwich left, do you want it...?" Tamao asks her gluttonous buddy.

"That wouldn't be very ni--OKAY, I WANT IT. Dude, I'm hungry. Must've been that hit from the bong this morning. DOMO ARIGATOU, MR. TOMATO." Nagisa then proceeds to ravenously eat the sandwich.

Tamao grins, "...it won't be soon 'till that sandwich will be me. Gehehe..."

"What was that?" Nagisa says, wither her mouth half-full.

"Nothing. Let's talk about clubs instead, shall we? Say, what club are you planning on joining?" Tamao vigorously asks.

Nagisa, in turn, scratches her head, "Uhh..."

Tamao then stole for the win, "JOIN THE LITERATURE CLUB! EVERY WEDNESDAY WE HAND OUT FREE EROTICA WRITTEN BY LESBIANS FOR LESBIANS! JOIN DAMN YOU!" She starts shaking Nagisa.

"...Porn, huh." Nagisa mutters, "Hmm, books... by any chance are the erotica picture books?"

Tamao then lowers her head, "No."

"Then hell no, I'm not joining some shitty club like that."

"OPINION DENIED! I'm taking you whether you like it or not!" Tamao huffs.

"This sucks small, blue penis." Nagisa sighs.

"I'll be reading my VERY DESCRIPTIVE fanfic about Jesus and Judas!"

Nagisa then turned her frown to a smirk, "Oh ho ho, gay, angsty, religious, erotica you say? I'm there then. Man, let's see how much lulz you can bring to my crappy day."

"That's aw--" Tamao was interrupted when she saw two girls approach their table, "Oh crap! It's the internet police! Err--I mean, y halo thar Tougi, Kanou! welcum to... this place lol"  
Funny thing about these two girls. Their hair colours and eye colours are swapped for each other. LOL! Wtf is this shit. Well, anyway, they looks like their there for some SRS BSNS.

Tamao then looks around nervously, "Hey, hey, where's Shizuma?"

"They're having a council orgy right now. So, yeah," Mizuho explained.

"A toute a l'heure," says Hitomi thus closing the conversation. The two then walked away.

Nagisa then turns to Tamao, her head tilted sideways, "Damn, wtf was that about lol."

"I don't know..." Tamao looks up, rubbing her chin with her hand, "But, you see, during council orgies, Shizuma should be there, 'cause she's the one who brings the toys and etc."

"WOW. Why, exactly?"

"Because this is animu."

"Oh yeah huh:D"

And with that, Nagisa was content. For the next three minutes.

--

Rokujew DYNAMIC ENTRY'd her way into the room, finding her Vice and Secretary just standing there with Shizuma missing.

"I told you to watch her!" Rokujew yelled angrily.

"We did," the red haired secretary nods, "the whole time!"

The green haired (WRYYYY) vice-president then adds, "Yeah, were watching her--we saw everything."

BA-DUM PISH. Bad joke is BAAAAAAAAD. Kill me, please.

"Blast! Why must every shit-filled snowball hit me in the face!?" Rokujew was pissed to the MAX 'yall.

The secretary shook her head, "Well, it's too late now, the officers from Blue Falcon and Gold Hawk are here."

Now Rokujew is even more pissed than before. She then went to cunt punt every chick in her path as she stormed out. Her and her troops went to the cafeteria to ask other students if they might have captured some sight of the gray-haired carpet licker.

Hitomi glared at Rokujew's statement, "We need to tie that bitch up to a pole or something."

Rokujew then covered Hitomi's mouth with her hand, "Shh! Not so loud! The whole council is looking for her right now. If they hear then--"

Two girls did hear. It was Tamao and Nagisa as they were still in the cafeteria. They started laughing at the council's failure. They, too, were cunt punted for doing so.

--

Inside the council meeting room. Everyone was seated in their chairs patiently, except for one chick.

"Late," Blue Falcon's ubermach-Aryan president stated, "Those damn weeaboos are late."

"Did someone say weeaboo?" the Gold Hawk's president leaned in closer, with her hand cupped to her ear, " 'cause I think I heard someone say WEEABOO!"

"WEEABOO! WEEABOO!" Everyone hollered, as they took out their paddles and slapped their palms with it. They shuffled closer towards Blue Hawk's president, mischievous grins written on their faces.

"Shit," the Aryan sighs, "We don't have time for this."

"THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR A PADDLING!" The eccentric ribbon-wearing commander yells, her eyes unfocused. They then tried to grab hold of the Aryan's skirt and began to pull it down. ALL OF A SUDDEN-- their activities were interrupted by Rokujew's troops.

"You guys," Rokujew tried to cover her council's mistake, " HEY! LET'S FIND SHIZUMA AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HER! YEAH! ...Don't put me in the Jew oven anymore..."

"Oh? So you lost her? Yeah, I shouldn't expect much from an inferior being," the Aryan glared at Rokujew (LOLLERCAUST, please), brushing off some of the council from pulling down her skirt any further.

Ribbon-donning chick just lol'd, "Oh my, could she be having super-suteki-sugoii buttsecks without us? OH HO HO."

"Speaking of buttsecks..." the aryan grinned, looking thoughtfully at the Gold Hawk's president.

"Fuck you lol."

"Would everyone STFU!?" Rokujew said as she punched the closest person next to her.

--

"I've been asked when my first real experience with a little girl took place several times. My best answer would be about 7 months ago..." Tamao began, "My train stopped to pick some people up, and this pretty little girl who looked to be about 7 years old approached me and politely asked if she could sit by me..."

The rest of the literature club listened carefully. Nagisa sat in the back, quietly cursing at the others who sat in the desks as they had the opportunity to be able to hide their hands underneath their desks and do their business while listening to Tamao tell her story.

Tamao continued on reading, "...I was surprised that she was more worried about trying her hardest to please me instead..."

Everyone in the room that was listening to Tamao's story started fapping uncontrollably--except for poor Nagisa.

"The only thing that continues to haunt me about that night is how much money I blew on the taxi fare. Still, I guess it was worth it." Once Tamao had finished, it took everyone about a minute or so to clap as their hands were pretty full back there.

The literature president then stood up, "Tamao, that was a very wonderful story. Knowing that the love was unrequited, but still yearning for it. May I have the .txt file?"

"Sure, dawg."

"Nice."

The other members wanted MOAR they yelled out things like, "Tamao! Read the part about her pooper!" or "I CAME RAINBOWS!"

Tamao grunted, "Are you for reals? That shit took an hour to read."

Nagisa was in the back, taking a snooze, bored to death from not being able to fap like everyone else.

--

Nagisa decided to take a walk in the woods, looking for some buttsecks--as she was fueled by Tamao's story.

"Maybe someday..." Nagisa thought, "Tamao can write my copypastas for me. I'm crap at that stuff."

She looks up at the lens flare'd sky, "What the world needs is moar lens flare. Yes, moar lens flare... desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu desu harbl harbl desu desu..."

Nagisa got disappointed of herself, seeing as how she can't make a poem for shit emotear What a fag. She hears shuffling within the nearby bushes.

"...Shizu...what'sherface... Hey, anyone there?" She whispered quietly. She walked closer towards the shuffling noise. She finds Shizuma attempting to have buttsecks with another girl, "Wasn't this bitch supposed to be at that orgy or some shit?"

Nagisa saw that Shizuma was now using shitty pick-up lines to score some points with the other chick and pop her cherry. Nagisa then thought to herself, "OH HAY, IT LOOKS LIEK QUITE THE SUSPICIOUS SCENE ZOMG! HOW CAN I NOT KNOW? LOL WUT."

Shizuma was almost about to "infiltrate" the other girl's "base". Nagisa got all jealous and shit and purposely stepped on a twig to break the tension, "Oops, did u c whut i did thar? hurr hurr. Man, cliche's are funny as fuck, I tell you whut."

Interrupted, Shizuma jerks her head back up, looking around. She then looks back at the other girl.

"Hey, you, where's the money?"

--

Nagisa ran as fast as she could to a place far from where Shizuma was; she was fleeing from the scene. She then collapses at the bank of the lake.

She pulls out a small tape recorder, "Haha! Evidence right here."

She pauses for a bit.

Nagisa brings the tape recorder close to her face, presses the record button and states, "Note to self: Put tape in tape recorder."

--

I forgot what happens here, so let's fast forward a bit...

Nagisa runs into the Prescario Domain, the place where they store all of Astraea Server's data, looking for moar buttsecks related stories. Sadly, all she finds are archived Harry Potter books.

"OH NOES! HERMIONE DOESN'T END UP WITH DRACO D: NOW MY FANFICS MEAN NOTHING!" She screamed in agony after finding out the truth.

She continued to scan for a few more minutes until--A CHALLENGER APPEARS!

Shizuma places her hands on Nagisa's shoulders, "Oh man, we meet again,"

"Man, you're like those shitty porno ads. You're hawt, alluring, and everywhere. Please stop," Nagisa pleads.

"REQUEST DENIED." Shizuma says as she attempts to get some.

"o i c whut u did thar..." Nagisa couldn't continue as she was paralyzed again. If only Tamao were here with some of her Pokayman related items...

"SHOOP DA WHOOP!"

With that, Shizuma and Nagisa were interrupted from their buttsecks. They turn around to see a small blue haired (GAH) loli, covered in a pile of smoldering data.

"I accidentally fired mah lazer..." she cries out.

Nagisa runs towards her, "Good job:D Yes, destroy all the evidence, this way, my fanfics will make sense again!"

Tamao then pops out from a vent and falls on the loli, causing the underaged girl to be knocked the fuck out, "OSU!"

"Tomato!" Nagisa yelled ecstatically, but then she realizes, "How did you know I was here...? Are you stalking my by any chance?"

Tamao shook her head, "Oh man, you see, I was at this paddling party! Rokujew was there, she told me that I'd see you here and maybe if I could ask you to join the us. It's pretty fun, actually. How it all started... Hmm well, the one of them told me... You, see it's 'cause this Aryan chick was all like--"

"Tomato, I don't care." Nagisa says, totally deadpan.

"Then what brings you here?"

"I was almost raped. AGAIN." Nagisa explains.

"I lol'd."

"Hey, don't laugh at my misfortunes! Rape is no laughing matter...lol"

--

Inside a darkened room, Shizuma was confronted by Rokujew. The silver-haired girl was standing near her window, listening to some MCR while the moon glistened across her beautiful features. Rokujew was standing in the shadows, ready to hang herself from the blatant show of conforming to nonconformists.

"Fifty push-ups for every minute you missed at the meeting." Rokujew strictly ordered.

Shizuma looked at her for a few seconds.

"...fuck."

So, that pretty much totals to... A LOT.

--

Meanwhile, inside Tamao and Nagisa's sleeping quarters, the two girls were smoking weed.

Tamao turns to Nagisa, "Hey, Nagisa, wanna go to Taco Bell?"

Nagisa shook her head, "Nah, that stuff gives me the runs..."

"Dude... what are toenails for? Toe covers? Uhh... I'm still hungry. Mayo or relish?" asks Tamao, holding up two jars of unidentifiable liquids.

"Hey! Let's put it on some cookies! HIGH FIVE!" Nagisa starts shivering, rubbing her hands on her arms, warming herself up, "Man... It's cold. It's like wearing nip-ons."

Tamao puts her hand to her stomach, "Hungry. Wanna go order Happy Meals at White Castle?"

"That'd be great! Man, you're a genius, Tomato. Hey, can I still get my Pika--"

"Nagisa, just STFU. Please."

Tamao stands up, grabs the phone and starts dialing the number for White Castle.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE ANY HAPPY MEALS...?"

--

Nagisa just got her report card! Straight F's! Will she stand up for herself and ask the teacher to PUT SOME D's on that bitch? Or is she gonna have to choke a bitch like Wayne Brady? Perhaps a Zidane themed headbutt? Find out on the next time on the next episode of HOUSE M.D.


	3. TLDR

"Special Containment Procedures: Item SCP-173 is to be kept in a locked container at all times. When personnel must enter SCP-173's container..."

Zoom into the buildings within Astraea's server.

The buildings used in the shots will be used OVER and OVER and OVER again to make up for the cheap animation budget. But who's complaining? the story has buttsecks, the only significant thing in the world, so it's all good.

"...The reddish brown substance on the floor is a combination of blood and feces. We don't know (nor wish to find out) where it comes from or how it arrives but SCP-173's container will slowly fill with these substances. In order to ensure that it nothing happens, the enclosure must be cleaned on a bi-weekly basis.."

--Attic--

It was a beautifully photoshopped day as all the students poured out from the buildings walking to their designated destinations. Though, in the dorms...

Nagisa slammed the door open and ran out, ready to catch herself some Pokiemanz, "Tomato, hurry, don't drag your ass pl0x. I hear they're giving away free Bidoofs, so don't fuck this up. DERP."

Tamao followed her, "We don't have Pokaymans, you stupid cunt."

"w/e, fag. Just hurry, maybe I can GameShark this thing to Lv100 like I did with that Magikarp and finally become Pokayman master," Nagisa nodded, looking quite the smug little asshole she is.

"Don't worry, you don't have to hurry, I invited our neighbors, so I WILL SUMMON THEM HOSHIT."

"LOL WUT."

With that, Tamao took out her her magical Ureksa V2 Spear and struck it in the air, causing an eerie green light to glow from it. Soon afterwards, lighting blots shot out from it.

Tamao then screamed out to the heavens, "I summon you--WHOEVERTHEFUCKYOUAREIFORGOTLOL."

"Jesus," soon sounded from the halls, "Tamao, it's not clever to use shitty video game references. So STFU."

Tamao followed the voice, Nagisa not to far behind, and ended up in a another one's sleeping quarters. Inside was this one brunette chick with funky looking braids. She was another Black Sword operative.

"Oh shit, son," she says to Tamao, "we're touring the school, totally going Dora the Explorer, aren't we?"

Tamao nods, "Yes ma'am, we're going on an adventure :D"

The other girl then puts on a white hat of some sort, "ALGEBRAIC--!!" she then points over at Nagisa, "Yo, who 'dis nigga be?"

Nagisa looks at her, her legs spread out shoulder-width, her torso back a bit, in a 'you've got a problem with me, homes?' stance, "Bitch, I'm Tai Mai Shu--"

"O shi--you're Nagisa, amirite? How could I forget? We're in the same class," she walks closer to Nagisa, "The name's Chihaya Takemura, but my homeboys call me Twinkie."

"WHUT. I never really understood you youths and your rap music, gang bangs, shitty codenames, and skittles..." Nagisa mumbled off. This is probably due to Alzheimer's, AIDS, or fail.

"Do you know what the Strawberry House is, Nagisa?" she asks the ginger, "Tamao talked to me about it since I was asked to participate."

Nagisa gave her a blank face, "Is that like a porno or something?"

Chihaya laughs, "Haha, you bet."

"Really!?" Nagisa's jaw fell open.

"lol j/k."

" Fag :( "

They continued on talking about random shit like California's recent wild fires, WTC, and Jews. Of course, Nagisa surfaced on one of the subjects since she's like main character or some shit. They talked about when she first transferred to the server. Apparently, everything was all awesome right up until she arrived. Now everything is shitty and ANGST FILLED Baaaaawwwww.

"...so I just stood there," Nagisa continued, "...I was pretty shocked to see what I just saw right in front of me, I was pretty much struck in awe--"

Chihaya stops her, "Before we go any further about this talk about your pads and tampons jumping up and down your bed, I forgot to mention that we have one more bandwagon-hopper."

"MAOR?"

"LOL YES!"

Chihaya grabs a book and throws it at the lump on the bed. It then started to move around, responding to the blow. All of a sudden, a girl pops out from underneath the covers. She was still recovering from the intense butt-rape she had to go through last night with her roommate, who, in this case, is Chihaya, one of Tamao's TOP 8 on her MySpace wwwwwwww.

The girl look over at Nagisa, then Tamao, then finally Chihaya.

"WTF WAS THAT FOR, HO!?!?!11one!?/1" She yelled in anger.

Chihaya drags the odd purple haired chick over to Nagisa and Tamao. She then points to her, "This is Mizushima :D She is my uber kawaii roommate and shit."

Suddenly, some voice out of nowhere yells:  
"CHIHAYA and MIZUSHIMA joined your PARTY."

Nagisa then turns to Tamao, "Dude, so is that like, the cue to have buttsecks with them or what?"

--

The other three girls gave Nagisa a tour around her new environment BCUZ IT CAN BE LETZ HAVE TOUR NOW TIEM PLZ.

"The second floor has double rooms for first to fourth year students. There are webcams implanted around the walls because the council likes to keep tabs on all the loli yuri sex everyone is having. We don't really care though," Chihaya began, "The lounge, the cafeteria, the orgy chambers, and the rooms for fifth and sixth year students are on the first floor."

Nagisa paused, "Wait... Cafeteria..."

Eventually they arrive at the lounges. Lots of these other BG characters were in there filling the empty space. Most of the girls were playing WoW or CS, trying to h4x and pwn each other. Though, the others were watching porn, as the internet is made specifically for that lone purpose.

"I have a level 72 cleric on RO," Tamao starts to brag, "sometimes I steal items from n00bs. It's funny when they try to call the internet police on me blah blah blah blah..."

Nagisa just ignored Tamao and kept her eyes on one of the monitors showing rhino porn. Chihaya looks over at her, seeing that she was pretty much brain dead at the moment, and nudges er to snap her out of that daze, "Hey! Pay attention, you gypsy! There's still more we have to show you dammit."

No avail, the ginger's eyes were glued to the monitor. But, when th display screen moved over from bestiality to fat furfag chicks, Nagisa awoke from her stupor, "ASDF!?! BLARGH."

Chihaya then motions her over, "Wanna move on to the 'fun places' now, Nagisa?"

"Oh, dear God yes, damn. At least that'll save me from the horror I witnessed more than Lassie ever will D:"

HAHAHA, Fuck you, little Timmy.

--

The four continued on their magical acid-induced Pokieman quest, I mean--tour around the school. Working hard to catch 'em all and become Pokayman master--I mean, earn A's and become good students. The dungeons they crossed were filled with terrors, far beyond the human mind--I mean, other students were there too. As they moved on, they witnessed battles aplenty, winning them one by one--I mean, discovering more about the schools. They talked about the wholesome things in life and how beautiful the world really is--I mean, rape.

"Have you two always been roommates?" Nagisa asks, out of curiosity.

Chihaya nods in approval, "You have to register to get into the dorms, so yeah, she's always been my butt-buddy..."

"...ever since Kindergarten," Mizushima finished the reply, rubbing her aching bottom.

Nagisa starts counting on her fingers, "Since Kindergarten... that makes... wait... computing... rebooting... corrupting... failing... PLEASE INSERT HARD DISK DRIVE."

"Twelve years desu," Tamao says.

Nagisa made an :O WTF face, "Hoshit! You guys are like, a married couple... Except you're both rainbow-inducing queers! What does that make you? Butt-buddies, right?"

Chihaya and Mizushima stare at each other for a moment. They ponder for a bit, probably thinking about child pornography and hookah, which apparently smells like French prostitutes. After thinking about how much AngusNitro41 fails with all his shitty MSPaints and butthurt, they laugh to themselves, totally forgetting Nagisa's fucktarded questions.

Nagisa waves over at them, "So does that make me and Tomato some sort of newlyweds? Butt-buddies right?"

But before they could continue with their AWESOME INTELLECTUAL ANGSTFUL conversation, they were interrupted by someone else.

"With whom is someone butt-buddies with?"

The four girls turn around, totally cut in on from their chat which almost turned into a hot and steamy foursome, and find out that the girl behind them was Shizuma. The three girls, excluding Nagisa bowed to her with respect. Nagisa didn't want to do it because she thinks that's a load of bullshit. But she had to anyway, or else Shizuma will steal her mecha.

Nagisa then looks at her, intensity of a strong-willed Pokayman master burning within her eyes, she then speaks up with the greatest piece of bravery within her voice: "lol wtf r u doin here?"

"If my Nagisa-chan is somewhere, I'll appear anywhere. TRANSLATION: I stalk you." Shizuma answers, walking up to Nagisa. She touches Nagisa by the chin and looks into her eyes.

Once again, Nagisa became all mesmerized and shit. The ginger then thoughts to herself, 'Crap, I'm paralyzed. Tomato better attack soon or I'm done for.'

"I'm sorry, Nagisa. I'm the type of pimp that don't want their hoes running around for anyone else but me... that doesn't really make sense but whatever, I think the author can't think of much right now."

Heroically, Tamao then took out a small device from her pocket and strikes it in front of her, "GAOMON! REALIZE AND SHIT."

Upon saying this, a small blue anthro dog thing with boxing gloves and kawaii animu eyes materialized in front of Tamao. It turns to Tamao and speaks, "011100101100010010011001, boss?"

"We have to go beat some ass!"

The little furry faggot then got into it fighting stance, facing Shizuma--Nagisa still with her. Of course, since a battle had been called, Shizuma takes out a similar device from her pocket, "GO--CHTULHUMON! REALIZE AND WHATNOT."

A huge green thing that looked like a moar intense-brick-shitting-inducing version of Dr. Zoidberg materialized itself in front of the girls. It used PIME TARADOX on one of the BG characters, warping that person to another dimension. I think it was called BBS News.

Tamao sees this and decides to retreat, "You know what? FGSFDS. Gaomon, coem back to your Pokeball."

The little anthro blue dog thing turns to Tamao, "But friendship can conquer anything D:"

"NOT WHEN IT COMES TO THIS SHIT AND TERRORISTS IT DOESN'T!" Tamao corrected it.

But then, Shizuma grabbed Nagisa and her firends and told them to STFU. Mizuho and Hitomi were patrolling the halls. You know, doing Internet Police things.

"DivineAngel called today, she said that she needed an E-lawyer," Hitomi says.

"Was this the chick who told me I was VIOLATING ETHNIC STANDERS? HUGE MANTLE ISSUES LOL?" Mizuho asks.

"Yeah, also, Shizuma's gone again. Did you see her anywhere? The ogry's about to begin."

Mizuho nods in disapproval. Meanwhile, Nagisa and her buddies were still with Shizuma, changing their I.P. addresses so that they could become untraceable. Once Mizuho and Hitomi had decided move on, trying to find some E-drama, Shizuma and the other girls finally took a sigh of relief and relaxed.

"G2G Superman some hoes. kthxbye." And with that, Shizuma walked away.

"lolwtf" Tamao says, from confusion.

"Lucky bitch gets to go to orgies..." Chihaya murmurs.

"Don't worry about me, once I stop talking, I'll just become part of the background..." Mizushima adds.

Ignoring the previous speaker Nagisa groans, "I was like-- right next to her twins :D that was awesome. Shit like that should happen every Wednesday. I seriously thought she wanted us to play hide-and-go-anal or something..."

The purple haired chick raises her fists into the air, "THAT'S AN AWESOME IDEA!"

--

"...cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix...!" Nagisa finishes counting, "As a pedo would say to the young'ins, 'I'M COMING!' "

Apparently, they did decide to play hide-and-go-anal--with Nagisa as 'the pitcher' and the others as 'the catchers'. Nagisa then walks up the stairs next to her and opens the trap door at the top, "SPACE INVADERS, BITCH--!!"

She finds herself inside an attic. There were unused furniture covered with sheets and dead bodies taped to the walls.

The ginger then decides to look inside the boxes filled with CP. Underneath the pile, she finds Mizushima indulged in the illegal pornography, "I found you lol!"

"OH LAWDEH, ARE THOSE THE TWINS FROM FULL HOUSE!? D:" Mizushima was still reading the magazines.

She then grabs the sheets off a semi-erotic statue and finds Tamao trying to cop a feel at the statue's oversized ceramic breasts, "TOMATO--!!"

Tamao was still busy groping the statue to notice that she has already been caught, "f you were any smaller, I'd have covered you in hot glue already and posted pictures all over the internet already..."

Chihaya was last, Nagisa found her in the bathroom, "I had to pee... I should be given some sort of two minute excuse to go back to my original hiding spot or something..."

Nagisa shook a finger at her, "It doesn't matter. You've been caught!" The ginger then walks closer to her, "It's time for you to bend over."

"...but I poop from there"

"NOT TODAY YOU DON'T!"

In the end, they all had uber kawaii fun buttsecksing each other.

"Isn't it fun to do something not so ordinary!? AMIRITE GAIZ?" Nagisa asks, enthusiastically. But no one answered her back. Everyone was too butthurt (literally) to respond, "I'm still pitcher next time we play, kay??? ZOMG SO FUN DESU DESU."

--

Inside the council meeting room, the presidents of the three schools just finished their awesome barely legal threesome. Two of the three were a little disappointed since there were no little children involved. The other one was too but she figured she could always go back to her place and have uber hawt loli yuri sex with her loli yuri harem. You see, it's always fun when children are involved. Also, Shizuma wasn't there to bring 'the stuff' so everything had to be forced and old skool, yo.

The ribbon haired commander just sat there, examining what would happen next.

"Black Sword's Station President, Rokujou, is currently explaining why forehead fetishes are not cool... And..." The Gold Hawk Base Director looks to her left, "Right on time--Blue Hawk's H.Q. Chief, Tomouri, distracts Rokujou and asks her about the whereabouts of Shizuma, for it was their responsibility. Where they drive next, lulz will be had..."

She continues on, "Also on time--Another battle drive. Rokujou takes out her Digimanz and dukes it out with Tomouri's Digimanz. Rokujou has herself an old school ExVeemon, but Tomouri seems to own a similar old skool Tyrannomon... and seeing as how data tops vaccine, Rokujou loses and is forced to suck Tomouri's E-penis. LOLOLOL. Of course, not literally. Also, more Jew jokes."

Getting quite bored now, the girl stares at the cat-fight "Everything is on schedule... except for the part where I get to leave... Sexual tension is building up... watching these two... aaaaugh, quit stealing my mind..." the ribbon haired girl then flops down on the desk, "must fight it..."

Without warning, the window then breaks open, Nagisa swung from a rope, gripping it tightly, "I HAVE ARRIVED--!!"

She loses her grip and falls on the floor, glass shards piercing her face. She then brushes herself off and looks around. Everyone was practically in LOLWUT mode.

The Gold Hawk Base Director looks at Nagisa being cunt punted and gang raped by the two other presidents, "We should have something like this every Wednesday. Lolis falling out from the sky whenever necessary."

--

Nagisa's party members stood outside the council meeting room, waiting to see the outcome of the possible punts to the cunt.

"I am starting to think Nagisa might have down syndrome..." Mizushima says, "It's okay though, lots of people here do."

Tamao and Chihaya just basked in the Schadenfreude.

Abruptly, the council door slams open, the Aryan president steps out. She then looks back at Rokujew, "If this continues on, I'm definitely going to throw you in the Jew Oven. All your school's students are fucktards, you know that?" After that statement, she storms off, PMSing somewhere esle, leaving Rokujew quite pissed at that.

Nagisa was still inside, being beat the fuck out by Rokujew, "Please stop D: My kidneys break easily..."

Rokujew grabbed a rusty knife and opened up Nagisa's stomach with it, "If you had any Digiman with you, we could've cleared this up with a quick battle drive, and yell for 30 minutes and get hurt even though we really didn't do anything during the entire battle... but you don't so, I get to tear your face out of your ass."

And so she did. Luckily, Nagisa has what we call 'physical idiosyncrasy', so she was able to like, regenerate and shit...

WAIT WHAT?

Nagisa lay on the floor, all bloody and messed up. The Gold Hawk's president then walks towards her and sits next to her, "Don't worry, this is animu."

The ginger was practically a vegetable.

"I'm the Gold Hawk's Base Director, Chikaru Minamoto," she smiles seeing that there was no response, "Go ahead and blame yourself. You're the reason for everything. AIDS, WTC, HIV, or some other clever acronym, it's all your fault. You're the reason for the Rwanda Genoicide, One-Child Policies, Forced Marriage, and the Holocaust. Bury that deep in your head."

Chikaru walks away, leaving Nagisa in her current guro-fap-material state.

"...Man..." Nagisa thinks to herself. "That was fucked up."

--

Misuzhima and Chihaya waited in the lounge, trolling the interwebs, while Tamao had a small chat with Chikaru.

"Shouldn't it have been Shizuma's fault? I mean, she was the reason the meeting was all shitty and junk..." Tamao said, rather pissed.

"Nope."

"...Since this is FanFiction, will you go out with me...?" Tamao pleaded, "the fans say we're perfect for each other D:"

"Nope. Dude, I don't even know who the fuck you are :D "

Nagisa walks out of the student council room, perfectly fine, "Man, Photoshop can cure anything in this non-existent world. Isn't that right, Tomato?"

Tamao then goes up to her, "Nagisa, it was Shizuma's fault. None of it was yours. Except for the AIDS. That was yours. But the meeting, that was hers."

"WHAAAAT. You there!" Nagisa points to Chikaru, "EXPLAIN THIS FAGGOTRY."

"You see, the council pretty much runs the whole school... we have to work together to make the world a better place through friendship bonds shared between us. But, seeing as how much of a failure this server has become, we are proof that friendship can't conquer shit," Chikaru explains, "Even worse is that the representative of the three schools is a total douche who doesn't like to work. The more reason the server hsa become a shithole for CP and FAIL."

Of course, she kept blabbing on.

"Well, the Black Sword was built first, therefore claiming seme rights, but then Blue Hawk moved in, famous for... something, I forgot... so, with that, the two oppose each other strongly therefore, everytime we have a council orgy, everything has to be angst-ridden sex and gerbils. COMPRENDE?" Chikaru finishes.

"That..." Nagisa starts, "...is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard, right next to Tara Gilesbie's stories."

Chikaru just shrugged and walked off, back to her school where she can have super sexy awesome buttsex with her underaged harem.

Nagisa watched as she left, "I'd still hit it."

--

At night, inside Nagisa and Tamao's sleeping quarters...

"Hey, Nagisa..." Tamao said, quite endearingly.

"STFU, Tomato, I'm trying to sleep."

Nagisa then drifted off to dream land, where she finds herself in a land full of gay unicorns and everything is covered in vanilla ice cream. DOUBLE THE ARTIFACTS--DOUBLE THE FUN. Yay :D

--

"A party? For newcomers?" Nagisa asks, looking quite excited.

They walked towards the forums, looking at the new sticky, which read:

User: Loves2Spooge April 28, Sunday. Posted:

LESBIAAAAAN PARTY VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN

P.S.: RAPE IS IMMINENT

Nagisa threw her hands in the air, she was waving them quite wildly like she just don't care, "Woo! Woo! Party Van! I'm part of this party right?"

Tamao laughs at Nagisa's idiocy, "No, you fag. This is for first years. A.K.A. NOT YOU."

" Damn :( "

Chihaya comforts the now saddened ginger, "Don't worry, lolis will be there :D "

" HOORAY :D "

Just then--right on cue--some lolis were walking the hallways, same place where Nagisa and her buddies were. One of them tripped all dramatically and shit and fell on T3H Nagisa.

"Hay there :D," Nagisa says, "How old are you? Like seven right?"

"lol wtf no," The girl then stands up and walks away.

"Hey, Tomato, do you think she has uber hawt buttsecks with her friends over there?" Nagisa asks.

"Excuse me while I think of such actions."

And so, Tamao, Nagisa, Chihaya and Mizushima then began daydreaming about hot loli yuri sex. But then, something ticked inside Nagisa, "Oh crap."

"What?" Tamao asks.

"I have to go talk to Shizuma. Party Van equals buttsecks with lolis, but without that gray haired cunt, the lolis won't attend and I won't be able to have buttsecks with the childrenz."

"OH NOES D:"

--

After an intense Digiman battle with Chikaru, Nagisa and her party won. True to her word, Chikaru gave them the information they need to find Shizuma. Kind of.

"You can't find her."

"Yes I can."

"No you can't."

"Just you wait--with the power of friendship--no wait. Well, I'm like the proton to her electron, so finding her should be fine."

So off Nagisa went, forgetting how much time she wasted on all that bullshit.

--

While everyone was preparing for the welcome party, Nagisa and her ass-pirates went on a search for Shizuma. They searched in every crevice, every nook and cranny...They searched for her in the attic, in the cafeteria, in the broom closet... LOL WHAT. Later on, Nagisa found herself in an empty room. She then ravaged the place looking for Shizuma.

Shizuma was apparently near the tree where she first met Nagisa. She had on a stolen iPod and was currently listening to random shitty emo bands. She was acting cool and shit even though no one was there--but not for long. Out of the blue, Nagisa invaded her space (SPACE INVADERS--!!) and punched the pigment-deprived dyke in the cunt.

"FALCON PUNCH!" Nagisa yelled out.

"You idiot, I don't need an abortion!" Shizuma yelled out, clutching the affected area.

"The lolis are waiting for you dammi--" But before she could finish that sentence, she had looked directly into Shizuma's eyes, therefore paralyzing herself. Again. WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK.

Shizuma saw an opening--figuratively and literally, of course--and then began J-J-JAMMING IN IT. O lawd. But she did go to that party thing. GOOD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE WHAT THE HELL FUCKING CLICHES EVERYWHERE.

--

Meanwhile, at the party, everyone didn't care whether Shizuma was there or not. Heineken bottles were everywhere, Barry White was playing the background, some fat chicks cosplaying Chobits (More like ChoCHUNKS) and of course: RAPE IS IMMINENT. Though, it's not rape when you're asking for it, and during this party, EVERYBODY was asking for it. But, the door suddenly slammed open and Shizuma entered, Nagisa, still paralyzed, being dragged behind. The three Presidents were all like: OH SNAP.

Tamao then grabbed Nagisa and slapped her awake from paralyzation.

"Tomato, I might need a wheelchair..."

"OH U."

Shizuma ran towards the three presidents and totally went HARD GAY on each of them. Chikaru generously accepted having her pooper damaged, Tomouri had to be serprize-buttseckz'd because she was unwilling and Rokujew was euphoric when it was her turn.

After such super sexy awesome procedures, they went on to greet the lolis, welcoming them to the shithole they have landed themselves upon. Among the lolis were the tsundere, the bookfag, and the ass-pie. The lolis were handed ropes with nooses, just in case of angst, and a book which contained everything from the donkey punch to tickle torture. Even Nagisa got those. Much fun was had.

Also, needs maor commentary... SRSLY, you can't tell who's who without the hair.

"Nagisa, you're like borderline Mary Sue. FO REALZ." Rokujew commented on the previous display of shounen heroismismisms, "amirite, guys?"

Her lower executives just shrugged, "i dunno lol." Her workforce consisted of herself, some green (ASDFWRYDAMNJAPANTOKIOTAMARE) haired chick with long, wavy hair for a vice (If she had a mole under her left eye and a headband, then we've got ourselves a Tomie GOREPLZ), and some weird braided ginger loli for a secretary.

"GUESS WHAT TIEM IT IS" Chikaru howled as she pulled out a sack, "IT'S RAEP TIEM!"

"Hooray for delicious flat chests!" She and her staff then began to stuff random lolis in the bags and run back to base to have their own "party" of epic proportions. The Gold Hawk staff consisted of Chikaru, a blue (MOAR? D: ) haired trap as a secretary and a brunette with an awkward looking ponytail for vice. They look like they're all on E or something. This must explain why everyone is so happy in that school :DDDDDD

"Fuck this shit." the Aryan grabbed her personnel by the collar and dragged them along with her. She walked away from the AWESOME LOLI YURI BUTTSECKS ORGY. She couldn't join since she was currently rowing the crimson tide and nobody had a Strawberry Kiss fetish.

"But the lolis..." one of them pleaded. Tomouri's personnel had this dark blue haired trap (BLARGH) with chinky-looking eyes (OH HERRO THERE THIS IS JAPAN) for vice and this other brunette (HOW DO I GOT GROWTH SPURT?) with twin-tails for secretary.

"ELEVENTH GRADERS STILL COUNT AS LOLIS," Tomouri exclaims, "TODAY WE MAKE DUTCH PORN!"

"Not this shit again." c whut i did thar?

In the end, everyone got AIDS.

--

Nagisa is now officially part of the school! What will happen to her then? What are those hand prints on the walls? Who really killed Anna Nicole Smith? Why are there dead bodies underneath the school grounds? Who are the infected? Who are the carriers? Why did I splice the show with shitty weeaboo overtones? Why did YOU FALL FOR MY HIJACK CARD LOL? Is Yaya really pregnant with the anti-christ? Find out next time on a new episode of PRISON BREAK.


	4. APHEX

In front of the Not-Quite-A-Virgin Mary statue, there stands this little, lesbian Aryan girl reminiscing about her super, sexy, awesome past.

"WHEN I WAS--"

Oh snap. Disregard that.

"Have you ever fapped to a trap?" she says looking up at the statue. Suddenly, she hears a shrieking in the distance, which immediately catches her attention, "Because once you do, you can never go back."

Little miss Vanilla Ice Cream then walks towards the paddock, where she sees a dozen furfags creaming their pants about something.

"ZOMG SUGOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII," they yelled out as something whizzed by.

The Aryan then tries to get a glimpse of what the other girls were screaming about. She then dresses herself up in boxes, cosplaying as a certain Transformer. She grabs a giant mallet and fursecutes the shit out of the furries, in an attempt to get them out of the way since it was quite hard to see through all the fursuits.

"People like to make fun of me due to a lot of things," she continues, looking at some dude--no wait, nevermind--riding her/him/its mecha--I mean, horse, "One of the reasons is because I tend to fap to traps."

"Last Thursday, many things happened, one of them was me getting transferred to this server alone. I was then given a place at the Blue Falcon H.Q."

The Aryan continued speaking, still looking at that... dude/chick riding his/her/its mecha, err... horse, yeah, "That day, I discovered I actually had a horse play fetish. Oh man, I swear, that was some crazy-ass Yom Kippur."

--DON'T TRUST A PRINCE ON A WHITE HORSE--

Moar BG characters. If you look closely, one of them looks like that one trap from the student council. HAHAHA. Also, moar shitty photoshops. Damn, the animation budget's really tight.

We arrive at that place, you know... that place where Bible-humpers like to go. Inside, there's choir practice. Apparently, if you mess one note up, you get whipped across the back or get your pubes pulled out one by one or get your feet chopped up and fed to hungry dogs in the back. It's kinda like slavery, except there aren't any nigras with afros and tuxedos and AIDS.

Tamao and Nagisa were walking ACROSS THE DIVIDE talking about abortion for it is a very wholesome subject--fun for the whole family! But, they were interrupted when Nagisa suddenly dropped to the ground, cupping her ears from the horror.

"TOMATO, OH GOD WHAT IS THAT!? DDD:" Nagisa asks, her ears bleeding.

"Oh," Tamao answers her, "It's Blue Falcon's choir. You see, they used to have band class instead of this, but ever since the unfortunate, yet sexy, Tuba incident, they decided to cancel that and go with choir. Less instruments, less vag00 damage."

Nagisa was now twitching like mad on the floor, "SO MUCH BLOOD LOSS THIS IS WORSE THAN EBOLA--!! WHY DO THINGS LIKE THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!"

"Because bad things always happen to Gingers."

The choir captain, who suspiciously looks like Megu from Rozen Maiden, halts everyone from singing. She then pauses a small program and grabs the recording from it. After listening to it, she shoves rusty nails in her ear, which is much less painful than hearing the shitty recording.

"Tomorrow is the day that Ootori-sama and the rest of the characters that really have no significance will come back losing," She shakes her head side to side, "Come on, face it, they suck. False hope is for pussies."

That one blonde chick looks at the captain, intensity burning in her face. She points a finger accursedly, "DERBY RACING IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!! THEY WON'T LOSE, THEY BETTER NOT, BECAUSE I ALREADY BET ALL OF MY MONEY ON THEM!!" The girl beside her then goes FACEPALM.

"SHUT UP," The choir captain yells while grabbing a bottle full of the Rage Virus and throwing it at the blonde. Sadly, she misses, "Anyway, we have to perform to them, so don't fuck this up or I'll rip your heads off and shit down your neck."

"FUCK YEAH! I LIEK SEAKIPS!" the Aryan retorts. The girl next to her raises an eyebrow, smirking at the dumbass next to her.

-  
The sun was setting. In front of the Not-Quite-A-Virgin Mary statue, we see that one chick praying. AGAIN. Remember kids, Praying: DOING NOTHING AND THINKING YOU'RE HELPING.

"Dear Jesus," she began, "Please make my performance the shit so that I will be worthy of getting eaten out by that one other chick. Also, thank you for Saddam. Yeah."

"HIKARI!" Someone exclaims from behind, "As of current: YOUR IRONY LEVELS ARE OVER 9000! Somewhere in heaven, losing faith in humanity, Jesus just hung himself after seeing your stupidity."

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Yaya," Hikari says, looking up at the taller girl, "the subject of a thousand fanfics!"

"At least I'm not in love with that Ootori chick."

" y must u hurt mah feelingz:( "

Yaya grabs Hikari and holds her up, "I, as well as 99 the internet, am very disappointed in you. But you can't be blamed for that."

Hikari nods, "I blame the Jews."

"I meant the writers."

"Most of the writers are probably Jews."

-  
It was night time, du soir. Hikari glances at the window and sees something strange on one of the buildings outside. She walks up to the window to get a closer look.

"There's something in that building," she says, squinting her eyes.

She grabs a small telescope from one of her drawers, "No wait... It's outside of the building," she pulls away, "I have a very bad feeling about this."

She looked even closer; she has started sweating a bit from fear.

While Yaya was fast asleep thinking about SPIRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALS and lolis, Hikari was wide awake.

"From that day on..." Hikari grabs her duvet and pulls it over her head, shivering, "It started to come here too."

Outside their window... it was: SERIOUS MOTHERFUCKER, WATCHING YOU MASTURBATE.

Steel Hearts is the most epic story ever. EVER. Steel x Serious Motherfucker OTP FOREVAR DESU.

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?

--

Because of all the wildfires lately, fog data covered most of the server. Outside the Blue Falcon H.Q., there were thousands of fangirls, boxes full of AIDS in their hands. Amidst all of them was Hikari. She's pretty easy to spot since she was like, the only blonde there. Everyone else had normal hair colours.

"Ootori is coming," one of them shouts, "GRAB SOME TOWELS :D"

Everyone looked to their right, as that is where the yiffing noises are coming from. Hikari didn't look since she was too busy wondering about Kielbasa sausage. After a few moments, she finally looks. Sadly the fog was too thick.

Hikari gives up and sighs, "I can't see shit, captain :( "

Suddenly, the trap and her crew of uber 1337 unknown characters came, all over everyone, making all the fangirls cream their jeans. Everyone was yelling with their high-pitched animu voices. Nobody cared that they had just lost most of their money from all that gambling.

"WHOAMG CONGRATULATIONS DESUUUUUUU :DDDDD"

"OMG UR SO AWSUM AND KAWAII AND SEXY AND SUCH A WELL DEVELOPED CHARACTER NYA"

" -insert unintelligible gibberish- "

"HAVE YOU GROWN A P-N-S YET?"

Hikari couldn't see because of all the furfags, the fog, and the fail.

"That is one of the five village bicycles of the Blue Falcon's, "Tamao says to Nagisa, "Amane Ootori, fifth year. Landing at one of the highest ranks a tamer can get. She's like, the local Jesus."

Nagisa stared at Amane, "What does she do? Pokieman Master? What?"

"Horseback riding."

"Are you fucking serious? That's it? No tricks, hideous mutations, carrying a lethal disease? Nothing like that?"

"Nope, that's it," Tamao continues on talking, "If you were to compare her beauty with Shizuma's, it would be a tie!"

Nagisa paused for a second, stares a bit more at Amane, and finally speaks up, "BULLSHIT, YOU ASSHOLE."

"Geez, calm down," Tamao sighs.

Amane stepped off her mecha--fuck, I mean, horse, turns around, doubles over, and throws up a rainbow of colours, "Shit. I'll never eat Arby's ever again."

The down syndrome fangirls screamed over the uber hawt sexiness their prince just displayed before them. The mere sound of the trap's voice made their panties moist TO THE MAX. My ovaries just shot themselves.

Their screams were halted when one of them points over the the distance and cries out, "IT'S THAT ONE CHICK, YOU KNOW? THAT ONE CHICK. YEAH. LOOK BUSY, FAGS."

Shizuma DYNAMIC ENTRY'd her way in, a rusty chainsaw in her hands. Behind her was Blue Falcon's council: the Aryan, Ken Ichijouji look-alike (Haha, how appropriate), and pigtails. It seemed that the fangirls were expecting something super, sexy, awesome to happen.

"Shizuma? LOL WHAT?" asks Nagisa, "Why is she here? Won't the stupidity of all this giver her cancer or some shit?"

"lol no. She has to do this. CAN U NOT C INTEW HER EYES!? LOOK DEEP INTEW DEM AND C DA AGONY OF BEING ESSENTIALLY RAEPD BY HER DUTIES"

"Tomato, you sure have a way with words."

Shizuma and the council drew closer to Amane and the other chicks. Shizuma then walked up to Amane, swings the chainsaw towards the trap, hitting her in the face.

Amane fell to the ground, her face bloodied up by fail and AIDS, "What the hell was that for, you stupid cunt!?"

Shizuma hits her again, this time by the razor'd side, and grabs her by the collar, "FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION HERE."

"THIS CAN BE CHARGED AS CHILD ABUSE D:"

Another hit. One of Amane's limbs were almost cut off this time.

"Etoile; Hanazono-senpai? Yeah, please stop D: "

Shizuma let go of her, but then she turns around and grabs her ZOMFG AWESOME DIGIVICE AND SHIT.

Tomouri then stepped up to the plate, flailed her arms, "BATTLE DRIVE!!"

All the fangirls came and shat bricks by the dozen as they looked at the action in front of them, it wasn't sex but it was close... no not really, but still, they pretty much creamed everytime Amane did something, like breathe or piss her pants from the pain. Typical fangirl stuff, just without the terrible eye-melting fanart and angsty fanfiction.

The trap and her team of random BG characters, that seem to change every shot, grabbed their own gadget thingies with their Digimanz and totally went berserk on Shizuma and the council. They lost though, as was expected. Apparently, everytime you lost, they would break one of your fingers.

Amane then went face to face with Shizuma, totally fucked up from head to toe (because this fanfic is SRS BSNS and pussies need to GTFO), and bowed to her superior. Amane appears to be way taller than Shizuma, and Shizuma's pretty tall herself, but remember! This is Asia, people there are actually shorter than they appear. 172 cm's not that tall. That's like 5'6 for Amane there. Random info is randoooooooom. Randomly shitty, actually.

Hikari just came back from the bathroom. She shoves away some of the fangirls to see what she missed. All she saw were blood and random, unidentifiable organs everywhere as well as mangled Digimanz, "What'd I miss? Did someone's OC walk by or some shit?"

--

Zoom into the auditorium:

Everyone that lacked an Y chromosome was there. They were presenting an award, that looks like a ColorGuard flag, to Amane for... horseback rid┘ GOD DAMN. Now I know why the internet considers her as a hemorroid. Holy shit piss -FACEPALM-.

Backstage, the choir was getting ready. The captain was already preparing a small program that would begin playing some Britney Spears song to cover up the rest of the choir in case they fuck up. Which they probably will.

Hikari was looking tense. She knew that if she messed this up, someone, somewhere, would write an ED article about her. Yaya then walked up to her and grabbed her ass from behind, making Hikari jump.

"Sexual Harassment! HARASSMENT! This was in the ToS!" Hikari screamed.

"This is Strawberry Panic, you faggot."

"Oh yeah."

"Ah yes, some of our parts changed," Yaya says.

Hikari gives her this WTF look, "LOL WHUT?"

"The pick up for measure 4 has been cancelled, the half rest from measure 9 will be turned into a continuation for the previous note; hold it out, and the triplets from measure 15 have been changed into slurs, The sopranos will be resting for 16 measures during set B, Cancel the chords for the chorus slash refrain, you have to add in an extra dynamic for measures 21-24, I think it was fortissimo, the tempo is now 201, a change from 132, the first piece will be played 2-4 instead of 3-6, the staccato for measure 32 is enabled again while the staccato for all of set F becomes disabled, change the quarter notes from measure 45 to half notes, connect two to two, don't sing during set G, the dynamics for measure 56-68 will be played to appassionato, the con brio is disabled for that one and will also be in moderato, set K will begin with a decrescendo and will end in set N with a crescendo but will be played via lentissimo, and the counterpoint between the sopranos and bass will be at set X. Don't worry, if you play all of that right, you're in the green."

"...WHAT." If she had a sword in her hands, Hikari would have seppuku'd herself by now.

The captain then brought everyone in to set themselves up on the stage, "Mess up and I'll break your legs."

Amane sat down on her seat and leaned over to one of her club members, "What's going on?"

"Choir."

"Tsk," she was quite disappointed, "From what I've heard, Most of the girls you hear here are about as good as those weeaboo YouTubers who sing those weird anime songs."

The choir captain gave a hand signal to the organ player to start. Hikari sighed and tried to remember all the tl;dr things Yaya said. She then looks to the audience and sees Amane watching porn on her PSP instead of paying attention to the choir. The trap looked pretty baked, as she always does.

The captain then turns to her group and raises her hands, but before she could even motion the first note--

"TROGDOOOOOOOOOOOR!"

Yaya looks at Hikari and stiffles a laugh.

"TROGDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!"

By then, all of the audience was laughing at the piece of lulz before them. They pointed and fell from their seats. Hikari just continued on singing random crap that had nothing to do with what they were planning to sing.

"HAD TO SEE YOU ONE LAST TIME, THERE'S SOMETHING ON MY MIND. HOW DO I SAY WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID?"

The choir captain was steaming, but even she couldn't help but LOL over the insanity, "At first, I thought that I shouldn't let the retardeds into choir but I gave them a chance anyway and now... I want to commit some sort of genocide here... Ahaha..." She then rubs her temples, "Why, Jesus? Why? Is it the gay thing? If so, fuck you."

"THE WORDS ARE HARD TO FIND. HOW ABOUT: BITCH GIVE ME MY MONEY? I WANT MY MONEY AND I WANT IT NOW."

Amane breaks away from concentration at Skylark and her dog on her PSP screen and looks up to see the hilarity.

"HEY BITCH, GIVE ME MY MONEY, ELSE I'LL HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT YOUR ASS--"

Hikari was interrupted by Yaya clinging onto her, still laughing like mad, and the sight of Amane laughing at her, practically harder than anyone else in the audience. The trap pretty much laughed so hard that she nearly threw up the last piece of that sandwhich from Arby's.

"To think I was gonna leave after the award ceremony :D " Amane was now on her ROFLCOPTER, "Oh man, guess who's getting an ED article!?"

Somewhere, in the audience sat Chikaru, "Things like this should happen every Friday."

--

Once again, in front of the Not-Not-Quite-A-Virgin Mary statue was Hikari, BAAAAWWWing her eyes out because of her faggotry.

Of course, nobody cared. I sure as hell don't.

--

Inside the Blue Falcon student council room...

"So... there was a massive outbreak of the Rage Virus yesterday. The principal has asked us to sign a proposal that says we have to exterminate anyone who is carrying or is currently infected with it," Tomouri says, "But the next however, is not a proposal."

She then takes out a picture of a young pizza-delivery girl.

"I want your thoughts on this..." she began, "What would you do in this situation?"

The trap looks at her like she would if she saw a cripple fall off the stairs. Pigtails just tilts her head in confusion. The President continued scanning her eyes over the picture, seriousness written on her face.

"Fuck her, eat the pizza, take bike. Respectively, of course," Tomouri says, looking smug.

"Wrong order!" says the trap, being the smart-ass that she is, "the pizza would be cold by then!"

Tomouri ponders a bit, "Fuck her while eating the pizza...?"

The trap nods, "Fuck her with the pizza, sell the bike, buy more pizza. Rinse, lather, repeat. Right, Momomi?" she says, flipping her hair and looking to her left.

Momomi sits there for a while, then smiles, "Fuck bike, eat girl, sell pizza."

--

While Hikari was angsting in the bathroom, Yaya was still laughing, thinking of what happened earlier that day. She even had it saved as a video file in her camera. Not long after, she then uploads them on JewTube for everyone to see. It became one of the most viewed videos, trailing right along Tay Zonday's newest single.

After her hot, angst-filled shower, Hikari collapsed on her bed, "Yaya, check ED for me, please."

"You're on there."

"fux0rz."

Yaya shook her head at Hikari, "Don't forget about practice tomorrow."

Hikari sighs, "I'm not going."

"That's 50 push-ups for every minute you miss!"

"I quit."

"At times like these, think of Grape Lady." Yaya says philosophically.

Hikari sits up and yells, "WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH GRAPE LADY...!?"

Yaya just shrugs and falls into her bed. She lays there for a minute or so, still amused at the incident. She then turns over to Hikari, "Geez, you're pissed 'cause Amane laughed at you, huh?"

"Dude, the whole audience laughed! But her... As revenge for that humiliation, I'll challenge her to a Battle Drive early in the morning!" Hikari says, finally angst-free. She then prepares her items for the confrontations, "FOR THE INTERNET!"

--

It was about 5:00 AM. Hikari jumps out of bed and grabs her stuff, Yaya was still in bed dreaming about SPIRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALS.

Hikari made her way towards the paddock. She then looks around to see if there was any sign of Amane. But there wasn't, so she just stood there for a few seconds.

"Wait! If I sing really loud, maybe she'll notice while she's still with the horse in the hay! The perfect plan... wait, who the fuck am I talking to?" she just shrugs and climbs on the railing and executes her super awesome plan.

"SPIDERMAN, SPIDERMAN THE GREEN GOBLIN'S COMIN AT HIM BUT HE HAS LIKE FUCKING SUPER CHAMPION FIGHTING POWERS OH SHIT--!"

Upon hearing Hikari's beautiful aria, the horses in the stable then dropped dead and flew off to that place with the gay unicorns and shit.

Amane popped out of the barn, wearing nothing but a bondage suit, whip in hand, "Hey, you out there! STFU!"

"NO U!" Hikari then sprung into action, "I challenge you to a BATTLE DRIVE, asshole!"

Upon seeing the blonde again, Amane laughed at the failure, "Ahaha, it's that one chick from earlier :D Do you like your article?"

"Haha, I requested an ARBchat and had it pulled down!" Hikari took out her awesome DIGIVICE THING HOSHIT WE'RE IN FOR IT GAIZ, "GATOMON! REALIZE AND SHIT!" (c whut i did thar?)

A small acid-induced cat materialized in front of Amane and punted her right in the cunt.

"MY VAGINA D: WTF SON OF A PUSSY!1!!1!one!11shift+1" Amane screamed out in pain.

Hikari then took out her QUAD LAZERS and fired them at Amane. Upon hitting the trigger, a gigantic brown square then slowly moved towards Amane. Hikari then laughed at her, "Oh dear! The bullet is enormous! JUMPING IS NOT AN OPTION!"

Amane just got up, easily avoiding the laser by just going around it. After that, she smacked Hikari across the face, making the Aryan fall dramatically to the ground all slow-mo and shit. The trap then put her foot down at the Aryan's throat and stared at her with her intensely, baked, red eyes, "Geez kid, what do you want?"

Hikari then got into angst-mode, "I JUST WANTED YOU TO NOTICE ME AMANE-SEMPAI BAAAAAWWWW!!"

"What?" Amane asked confuzzudley.

"y must u ignorr mah feelingz baaaawww!111!?111!2433!12"

The trap went facepalm for a few seconds then finally replies, "Look, since you look like that loli from Game C of Hanabira, I'll give you a chance."

Amane then grabbed Hikari's hand and put it on top of her chest, "Do you know why my heart has irregular beats? It's because of all the aneurysms I get from fangirls, all the shit that stalker President gives me and with all those punishments for constantly... hey!"

Hikari was too busy groping the trap's boobs to notice that she was speaking, "I thought athletes had dainty tits or something..." For that, she was punched in the face.

Amane looks at her watch, "It's almost 6, the others will be here soon, can you get lost already? I have to change out of this..."

"i thawt whut we had wuz speshul D: " Hikari baaawww'd again.

Amane rolled her eyes and rubbed her temples, "Jesus fucking Christ! I don't even know what's going on anymore!"

She then grabs a rope and ties it around Hikari, the other end was tied to her mecha--Shit! I mean, horse! She got on it and rode, with Hikari being dragged behind. Constant encounters of rocks made the ride painful for Hikari, but to the little Aryan: the more the bruises, the more speshul the relationship.

Amane brings her horse to a halt as they arrive in front of the dorms, "welcum 2 t3h dorms!"

Hikari looks up at her, starry eyed with small rocks and gigantic splinters adhered to her body, "Amane-sen--"

"STFU," The blue haired trap then loosened the ropes and let Hikari free. She gets on her horse and rides off, "Quit giving me your bullshit! I get enough of that from the internet already...!"

Her voice fades off as Hikari continues creaming her pants. Vanilla Ice-Cream runs towards the dorms feeling as if she had just won the Special Olympics. But she knew deep inside that the writers fucked up.

"Oh well, Jews will be Jews."

--

The door slams open as the blonde looks around, stealth-style. Yaya was on her bed, arms crossed and anorexic. She looks at Hikari with disappointment in her eyes, "Tsk tsk tsk..."

Hikari closes the door behind her, "What?"

"No one has ever failed more than you have right now." Yaya continued.

"Huh?"

"You fail even more than those DVD rewinders."

Yaya then shoves her onto her bed. The Aryan fell, almost breaking her already broken back, "YAYA, wtf do u think ur doin??"

The black haired girl looks at her, "AS FOR YOU PUNISHMENT--!! Seeing as how you see this as punishment, I WILL HAVE BUTTSECKS WITH YOU :D "

Hikari screamed with terror as Yaya began J-J-JAMMING IT IN, "OH GOD THIS IS TURNING INTO THOSE TYPICAL FANFICS ON THIS SITE WRYYYYYYYYYY!"

And buttsecks they did have.

Outside the window, there was someone, it wasn't Serious Motherfucker but it was Chikaru, "Things like this should happen every Saturday."

--

Will Hikari ever get to challenge Nagisa in the Pokayman League? What is the secret to dividing by zero? How the hell did Chikaru stand outside the window of a room on the second floor? What's with all the questions? Lately, why have there been more one-word titles for shows on FOX? What the fuck is Amsterdam about? Where could Waldo be? Perhaps with Carmen San Diego? Where in the world is that bitch anyway? SouljaBoy actually makes decent flashes? Where the fuck is the letter Y? Find out next time on Sesame Street!


	5. CHEESE SAWSE

And so we're back in Astraea Server's dormitory.

There were numerous faceless-BG-characters working on adding random bits of data on raw floppy diskettes to lure in lolis. It's mandatory in the Black Sword station to have your own little loli slave apprentice thinger.

"Just a few bits of necrophilia here and there," Nagisa says while drag-dropping some data onto hers and Tamao's diskettes, "...and voila! Perfect loli-bait! Right Tomato?"

Tamao looks at how happy Nagisa currently is. A sight like that truly warms her heart so, she responds, "No lol. That looks awful. Take that shit back to Deviantart."

"BLARGH!" Nagisa threw her hands in the air and started flailing them angrily, "IT'S NOT FOR YOU ANYWAY! IT'S FOR THE TEMP! Temp... What the hell is a temp?" Nagisa calmed down for a bit and turned to Tamao, looking retarded as usual.

"A loli. They're like your personal human Tamagotchi. You have to feed them, bathe them, and pick up its droppings and they die if you neglect them when your too busy playing with another shitty handheld game." Tamao swiftly replies to the ginger.

Nagisa stares at her, starry-eyed, "Does it do tricks?"

Tamao nods, "Sure."

This time, Nagisa was looking mighty excited, "CAN IT MAKE ICE CREAM!?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Tamao yelled as she punched Nagisa right in the solar plexus. She then kicks her to make sure the stupidity has escaped the ginger's body. Afterwards, she grabs the diskette and tosses it to the Black Sword's secretary Frisbee style.

"I CAUGHT IT!" The secretary yelled out. She proceeds and slam dunks it into one of the boxes next to her, "3 POINTS!"

Tamao then falls to her knees and screams out with joy, "VIVA LA ITALIA!!"

--Younger Sisters--

The next night, in the dorms, the lolis were standing in line, ready to choose their destiny. Among them was the book-fag. She looked pretty tense, like seriously, as if she were about to PWN some Korean bitches on StarCraft. Black Sword's Council has some webcams out to record the initial reactions of the little cunts. They look like their there to offer them their new Pokiemanz--with the red-blue-green line-up and all. Yeah. One of the lolis picks up one of the diskettes and uses some scanning device to see what they got.

"Let's see..." the loli says as she scanned the floppy. She then drops it and starts screaming, "OH GOD WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SEE!?"

Rokujew picks it up and looks at it and smiles, "Ah, the Pain Series. A classic."

"It seems like you'll be the room temp for that one chick with the scat fetish. Good luck to you," Mizuki, the secretary, adds.

Sakiko frowns and grabs something from the other box, "Here," she hands the loli a towel, "I have a feeling you'll need this."

The loli walks away, mumbling what seems to be an excerpt from GUTS. Badass story is BADASS.

It was finally the book-fag's turn. She then runs up to the table with great confidence, like a shitty Shonen hero. She raises her hand in the air, ready to dive for her fate, "HEART OF THE CARDS!"

The book-fag picks one of the diskettes and takes a gander at it. She then jumps in the air, "I GOT ME A NAGISACHU! And some chick named Tomato."

She stands there for a minute, rubbing the small floppy on her face happily, "I knew I could trust in the Heart of the Cards :D "

"Oh you got Tamao and Nagisa," Rokujew says, massaging her temples, "Geez, not thsoe kids again... Well, neways. What's your name, newfag?"

The girl was still standing there, thinking of all the fun buttsecks she could have.

"Don't worry, tripfags are generally accepted in this server. Just tell us your name so we can deal with this shit quickly," Rokujew says waving her hand back and forth in front of the loli's face, trying to nab her attention.

The loli finally awakens, "Mihama Chiyo! First y--I mean--TSUKIDATE Chiyo! First year, Fresh rank!"

Sakiko offers Chiyo a towel, "lol k. grab ur towel and gtfo my face."

Chiyo then moves back and rams the table, knocking it down, with her fierce Zidane headbutt.

"WTF WAS THAT FOR!?" Rokujew yelled out.

"Practicing re-birthing," Chiyo simply states as she walked away. She was pretty happy even though she didn't get anything cool. Like illegal immigrants in her pants or something.

--

The next morning, all the lolis were dressed up in what seems to be fursuits. Everyone of them wanted to fursecute themselves for such embarassment. They knocked on the doors of their designated masters and greeted themselves.

One of the doors opened. A loli courteously greeted herself, "I'm here as your room temp. It's nice to--SWEET JESUS! WHAT IN THE--!?"

"Just shut up and get in!" The girl on the other side of the door snapped as she continued dragging a body, who seems to be Lou Diamond Phillips, into the the recycle bin, "TRIANGLE WAS A SHITTY MOVIE."

The loli just shrugged, "You want me to empty that for you?"

--

"I'm Tsukidate Chiyo! Our eyes met! That means it's time for a battle!"

Chiyo was her room, practicing her greeting. Her room seemed to be filled with random copypastas and edits. She practiced her awesome Shonen hero maneuvers. Later on, she realizes she fails.

"I can't greet them like this... My party is far too weak," She shakes her head, "I MUST LEVEL UP!"

So off she went, into the night which was filled with RANDOM ENCOUNTERS--of horny upperclassmen.

--

It was morning. Nagisa was inside her station, listening to a lecture from one of the section leaders. I mean, her educator.

"Write me a 8461 page essay about the strengths of DR types or NSo types. It's your choice," the educator continues, "Turn it in tomorrow."

There were scattered groans throughout the room.

"No questions?"

"Why do you suck?" says a voice from the back.

"Why are you suspended?"

"I'm not--"

"Now you are. CLASS DISMISSED. GTFO BEFOAR I TTLY RAEP U ALL LOL SO RANDIM N SHIT."

"lol k." the class retorted.

Nagisa and Tamao were in the back, not paying attention to anything. They were both too busy discussing the matters of how shitty this fanfic is. After a while, their discussion shifted to why they still didn't get their loli.

"Do you think I should have added candy to that archive?" Nagisa asks, looking quite glum for not being able to get any jailbait ass the other night.

"Don't worry, Nagisa," Tamao comforts her, "We'll giver her candy after she does her services."

"I worked hard on that compilation... the loli better come today damn it."

Tamao laughs at her, "I could make a million jokes iwth that statement."

Nagisa looks at her blankly for a second, "...You lost me."

--

Pokemon red and blue, a.k.a. Tamao and Nagisa, were heading out of their sleeping quarters, getting ready for another mission on their zomgawsum digi-beetle. Meanwhile, Chiyo, too, was wandering the halls, barely passing the two. She had her Pokieman trainer face going on.

"Today is the day I get to meet Nagisa-oneesamadesukawaiinigga," Chiyo starts talking to herself, "luckilly, I leveled up mah Digimanz, as well as mah vag00 skillz, fairly well last night, so this should be easy. FOR THE HOARDE!"

While Chiyo continually talked t herself and loweing her I.Q. by 5 points by the second, Nagisa and Tamao now reaches the stairs only to see something totally overdone happening right under their nose.

"Gokigenyo, onee-sama," some chick says.

"y halo thar. ur lookin younger dan usual," the taller girls says, "Now get on your knees!"

"Hooray :D"

Nagisa and Tamao looked at the scene before them, totally creaming their jeans. They were hoping that their own little servant could be that good in serving their needs.

"LOL KAWAII KAWAII NEKO CHAN BAKA KAWAII NA NO DA KAWAII," Nagisa squealed.

Tamao sighs, "Man, I remember when I had to do that."

"RLY?"

"Yeah, I wore stuff like aprons and shit."

Nagisa then tried imagining such thoughts, but she didn't get anything whimsical like she was expecting. So, instead she thought about rectal prolapse and all the things great and wonderful about it. Pictures of ravaged anuses crossed her mind and that made her content. Tamao sees that Nagisa was too busy to notice anything, so she grabs herself some boob. Subsequently, they had to go back and focus on their soon-to-be-faced mission.

--

BANG BANG BANG. Three strikes on the door. Chiyo was know knocking furiously at it.

"Don'y leave me out on whatever sexy stuff you're doing in there DDDDD:" Chiyo screams, "It's me! Your room temp? Tsukidate Chiyo? HEY FAG OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!"

She then moves down towards the knob. Out of curiosity, she turns it.

"Oh lawd, it's open. Those fags were to stupid to lock their door."

The blue haired loli then grabs her stuff and enters the unwilling door.

--

The Filipino flag duo, once again, Tamao and Nagisa, just came back from their failure of a mission. Of course, they didn't care. Nobody every succeeds those anyway because no one knows HOW THE FUCK TO PLAY.

The blue haired dyke shudders from frustration, "Ah, why does Nagisa-chan fail so much?"

"Ah, why does Hikari fail so much?" says a voice, simultaneously to Tamao's last statement.

They were met with two other girls. It was that one chick and her friend. You know? Those guys. Yeah. That's them.

Nagisa spins around and spots the two, "Waugh! A CHALLENGER APPROACHES!"

Hikari then got to her Ninja-Stance, "BATTORU DORAIBU!"

"GYAAAAAH! DRIGAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"WAYOUUUUGH! DRANZAAAAAAAAA!"

Tamao and Yaya then cunt punts their roommates.

"Is this how you introduce yourself to people? Yelling out shitty quotes from a shitty show about tops?" Tamao scolds Nagisa.

"Yeah."

Nagisa got another punt to the cunt.

"FINE! HOLY FUCK!" says the ginger, "My name is..."

The Aryan stops her, "Yeah, yeah, Aoi Nagisa right? The new recruit?"

Nagisa shakes her head side-to-side, "No, my actual name is Sub-Zero. Are you here to test your might?"

"lol wut," Hikari laughs at Nagisa, "lol ur such a n00b"

Tamao was quick to defend Nagisa, "Don't forget that you, too, were a n00b! You were the recruit from last year! MY POST COUNT IS FAR GREATER THAN YOURS WILL EVER BE!"

While the three were duking it out about who's post count was bigger, Yaya was just standing there, thinking of lolis and SPIRAAAAAALS. Her thoughts bought her to a wonderful world filled with LJ users and Tunacorns, "Man... I wish we had room temps. The fresh rankers are so pure and unused. That's the only thing I love at the Black Sword guild."

Nagisa looks up at her, "...HA!"

Yaya continues, "Our's are fucking apeshit."

"What is this about fresh rankers being apeshit na no?" A voice from the distance exclaims.

Yaya goes FACEPALM, "Fuck. Not that shit again... desu."

A small girl then approaches them. She has pink hair (lol) tamed by a small black hair band. Her yellow (you need to get that checked out) eyes were currently focused on Yaya. Hate burning inside her.

"STFU. Hikari-senpai, Yaya-senpai. You two forgot to print out the .pdf file for your music na no," she takes out a few sheets of paper, "We're singing some U2 song tomorrow. We clearly need lyrics to be able actually understand and say all that incomprehensible shit na no."

Yaya stares up at the little prick, "lol speech impediment desu."

"lol kthx, Tsubasa," Hikari says while swiping the sheets out of the loli's hands.

"It's Tsubomi. Okuwaka Tsubomi na no."

Hikari then turns to Tamao and Nagisa, "Crackers Tsunobo is a newb in choir. As well in Command and Conquer. She still thinks POWER OVERWHELMING works on there. Isn't that the cutest-retard-thing ever? D'aww."

"Tsukakke-chan is a first year?" Nagisa asks, totally WTFing.

"It's Tsu-bo-mi. COMPRENDE? And yeah, I'm a n00b," Tsubomi says, getting rather defensive, "Do you have a problem, you punk bitch na no?"

"OH SNAP. Sorry," Nagisa apologizes, "It's hard to classify you as a loli. With the bitchiness and all. I always thought lolis were generally passive."

"Tsunomon joined the choir to score with Hikari, amirite?" Yaya says, smirking at the loli.

"OBJECTION--!!" Tsubomi protests, "And it's Tsubomi. Jesus Christ, people na no."

"THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE!" Yaya proclaims as she smacks her hand on Tsubomi's face.

Tsubomi got even more annoyed this time, "I ADMIRE Hikari-senpai. Doesn't mean I wanna eat her out na no."

"But this are Strawberry Panic lol," Tamao retorts.

An idea hits Nagisa in the face, "LOLI! You guys should come to our room! We can drink Tomato's home made beer and shit."

"Will some 'DJ playing' be included?" Yaya asks while putting two fingers in the air and moving them back and forth, "WAAKKA WAAAKKA WAAAAKKKA."

Tamao raises her hand enthusiastically, "We can even smoke pot!"

Hikari uppercuts into the air, "YES!"

"Oh man, this will be the best Ramadan ever!" Yaya squeals.

"Ah! We have that room temp! We can add her in! Double the lolis--Double the fun!" Tamao roars, "IN BONDAGE!"

"Holy fucking shit! Hikari in a bondage outfit!" Nagisa adds in, "Well, hey, that rhymed lol."

With that everyone was ecstatic, "I CAME!"

Inside Nagisa and Tamao's room, Chiyo was busy filter-raping that shit with the burn and dodge tool. O snap--don't forget the gradients! My brain asploded from the colours.

"Oh man, the look on their faces when they see this Mary Sue-fied room," Chiyo says after finishing applying the last filter, "And now we play the Waiting Game."

Once again, she starts talking to herself, pretending Nagisa were there, "Nah, this? This is nothing. I'm just this good. Aren't you glad to have such an awesome room temp?"

Suddenly, the door knob began to turn. Chiyo then began to panic. She accidentally clicks a random link, floating around the room and allows a shitload of pop-ups to appear. The kid forgot to put the pop-up blockers on. She trips and clicks on another link, this time it was something. causing the room's browser device to go berserk and jump around the room while flashing shock images. What was left was a massive dose of FAIL. And a loli... that was made of FAIL.

Outside, whilst opening the door in front of her, Nagisa and the others overhear random ads fire off inside. Nagisa slams open the door and takes out her awsum DIGIVICE AND SHIT.

"Battle Dr--WHAT THE SHIT?"

Their eyes started bleeding upon seeing the shitty dancing mortgage ads and shock images. Nagisa was brave enough to fight it and move towards the small clump of raw data on the floor. She grabs one of the .docs on the floor and throws it at the pile. From that blow, the heap began moving.

Nagisa began shitting bricks, quickly got up and ran out. She holds her Digivice in front of her thinking it would save her from the madness, while she was still running.

Chiyo shook the data off her and revealed herself to the others in the room, "Augh... I forgot about Zone Alarm..."

"excuse me," Tamao utters, "wtf do u think ur doin?"

Chiyo awakens from her daze. The other then turned around to look for Nagisa, Chiyo was quick to follow.

Nagisa was on the floor, "My pooper D: WHO THE FUCK RAN INTO--"

Upon closer inspection, she had actually ran into Administrator Shaneequa Latifa Bunifa Rashifa Tequila Shaqueefa Jackson. Nagisa shat even moar bricks this time.

--

The sky was a beautiful gradient of cream and pink. Outside everyone was enjoying the remaining time they had by getting gay. Oh ho ho, fun was had. Unfortunately for Nagisa and her loligotchi, they had to spend that time being punished by the admin.

"Dammit, girl," the admin states as she slammed her B&hammer on the desk, making Nagisa and Chiyo jump, "LEARN 2 WALK BETTER. E-mail me an apology tomorrow."

Nagisa was unresponsive as she was fixated on the window, staring off at the orgy down below. The admin, rather frustrated with that, slams her B&hammer at the back of Nagisa's head, causing the other girl to be knocked the fuck out.

"Tsukidate!" The admin tells her like it is y'all, "You can't enter a room like that without confirmation of your activation key."

"lol srry."

--

"Sorry, man," Chiyo apologizes.

"You should be!" Nagisa snaps, "I'm scared of shit like that. I easily shit bricks when I read stuff like Fuan no Tane. That's saying a lot. I'm a fucking pussy, dude! So, don't scare me and shit, aight?"

Chiyo bows her head down in shame, "Yesms."

The sun was now setting. Everyone was washing up from their yuri adventures.

"Well, let's get back to my room."

"k."

--

"SOUL CALIBUUUUUUUUUUUUR!!" Nagisa exclaims as she enters her room, Chiyo right behind her, "WHAT THE--!?"

"We helped clean up," Tamao smiles at the ginger.

"It's messier than before!" Nagisa put her hands to her face to hide some of her anger.

Hikari points to Yaya, "It was the inferior being."

The room was indeed a mess. There were links everywhere. Apparently, the others were Googling with each other before Nagisa left. And now the ginger's back and they haven't cleaned up. Oh, the embarrassment!

"lol Chiyo. You fail so much, it's not even funny. Oh wait, it is na no!" Tsubomi lol'd.

In reply, Chiyo flips the pink haired dyke the bird.

Nagisa sighs, "Whatever. So, where's the beer? The pot? The sex? Hello! Tomato! What the hell's going on?"

Tamao looks down, rather disappointed, "Sorry, man. I was busy 'playing DJ' with Hikari and Yaya that I forgot about brewing the beer and stuffing the joints."

"Oh wow..." Nagisa became upset, "Thanks for uh, false hope there, Tomato."

"BUT THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR T3H LESBIAN SEX!" Tamao spat out.

Nagisa started to complain, "It's not the same without the beer and the pot! It won't be lulzy enough D:"

"We can always have a midnight 'tea party'," Yaya laughs, "We could meet here later tonight! I'm bringing the Funyuns :O "

Nagisa stares at her dumbfounded, "Are you serious? We'll get in trouble. You're an idiot, Yaya."

"I agree! JEW OVENS!" Hikari joined in the tiff.

"That's fucked up." Nagisa looks at Hikari, "You need to die. Seriously."

Everyone agreed with the midnight gathering, and so one they shall have. THIS'LL BEST RAMADAN EVAR U GAIZ ZOMG KAWAII BUTTSECKS LOL AMIRITE?

--

That night, Tamao and Nagisa were asleep soundly in their beds. Or so they did seem. There was a knock on the door which alerted the duo. Nagisa jumped off her bed and rushed to the door.

"What's the passw3rd?" Nagisa asks, ears pressed against el puerta.

There was a small pause, "Open the door?"

"GJ! You may enter," Nagisa says as she allowed Hikari and Yaya to enter, "Please call me Sir Leigh Teabing."

"Only if you call me Langdon," Yaya says, winking.

"No, you're Remy. I'm Langdon. Tamao can be the Jewsus' descendant," Hikari protests.

--

Outside the halls, Chiyo was currently on prowling, constantly looking side to side. She was pretending she was James Bond on a super special important mission... in a maid outfit. She halts as soon as she sees Tsubomi's pooper in the air, totally asking for it. She then taps Tsubomi on the shoulder.

"Permission to stick it in?"

"Permission denied. Buttsecks is so old skool na no. Black Sword truly is a jackass of a guild."

"...But this is tradition..."

"Oh yeah, choosing randomly and ending up getting the shittiest upperclassmen. How great na no."

"It's intimate! Life is like a box of chocolates! You'll never know what you'll get!"

"HOW IS QUOTING FORREST GUMP INTIMATE na no!?"

"HEART OF THE CARDS!"

Suddenly another voice speaks out, "What be dis yo?"

"Tsukasa, you're not much help at all..." Chiyo sighs.

Tsubomi was pretty much FACEPALMing as of current. Chiyo then looks up, only to find... someone else was there too.

--

"I'd kill for some pot pie right now..." Nagisa slurred.

"LOL! I GET IT!" Yaya was on the floor, laughing her jailbait ass off.

Nagisa looks around, "I don't... That's just sad... not getting your own joke..."

Hikari and Tamao were taking another hit from the hookah. Right then, a knock on the door interrupts their wholesome lesbian goings-ons. Nagisa crawled her way towards the door. Upon arriving, she slowly turns the knob, expecting to see the lolis.

She did get lolis, except they were carried by the waist by the Admin.

"Who are you?" Nagisa spoke indistinctly.

"Your punishment."

"Punishment? We don't want any," Nagisa then slams the door behind her.

The admin re-opened the door and smacked Nagisa upside the head. This caused much DRAMA and ANGST.

"I blame the Jews," Hikari garbled, pipe still in hand.

--

"This is the WORSHIP Domain. This is the oldest purview on the whole server as well as perhaps the most important one," the admin spoke to the girls.

Chiyo, Tsubomi, Nagisa, Tamao, and Hikari were in fursuits. They each wanted to kill each other and yiff at the same time. Angst level currently at 42.

"There are tons of unused raw data floating around. The mods usually take care of things like that, but instead it will be your duty to delete all of them. Only thing is, you won't be able to drag and drop. Seeing as how the system is quite old, you have to use keyboard input commands to delete all of the unused data. You can use your Digimanz if necessary."

"But... why are we in fursuits?" Nagisa boldly asks.

The ginger got another smack on the head, "Don't question my authority!"

--

Tsubomi looks around at all the malware and spyware hovering over them, "It's impossible to delete all this stuff in a day... even with mouse input commands."

"TSUKASA! COMPLAINS ARE NOT TO ACCEPTED! I'll delete all of this myself, you fucking pussies!" Chiyo bravely walked forward and began the deletion process. Every piece of data took at least 2 minutes to delete alone.

"CHIYO! DON'T BE AN HERO!" Nagisa screamed after the blue haired loli, "Seeing you angstful makes me want to burn a--"

"Jew?" Hikari asks.

"...No." Nagisa starts, "You seriously, SERIOUSLY, need to die."

"WITH THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP WE CAN'T LOSE na no!" Tsubomi takes out her digivice, "JISSOUMON! REALIZE!"

Suddenly, a Jissouseki appears out of nowhere. The other were appalled after seeing such a creature so they grabbed a vial of Ebola and threw it at the small green creature. The thing began bleeding like crazy and finally, exploded... for some reason. Everyone rejoiced. Except for Tsubomi.

"MY KAWAII TAMAGOTCHI D:" Tsubomi began bawling. Of course, nobody cares.

Everyone just went on deleting the unused piles of data.

--

Nagisa was asleep on the 14th step of the second floor. Everyone else was working their asses off while the ginger slacked. Chiyo was heading Nagisa's way, with clumps of viruses in both hands, ready to be thrown in the quarantine area.

While she walked upstairs, she paused to see Nagisa asleep. A little annoyed, the kicks the ginger in the face to wake her up, "Nagisa-oneesamadonousoda! Wake up you lazy sod!"

Nagisa moved, and rolled over. She caught Chiyo's leg. The loli trips and barells down the stairs with the ginger.

"Huh," Nagisa sits up after her little trip, "I wonder why I feel this burning feeling... in my kidneys."

Chiyo jumps up, totally spazzing, "Ah! Nagisa-oneesamakawaiinekochan, you're stomach is bleeding!"

"Hm, it's normal for me to bleed, once a month, but not through there..." Nagisa looks at her stomach, which has been split open, her innards oozing on the floor, "...So that's what color bile is."

"I'm sorry! Jesus fucking Christ, we need to send you to a doctor!"

"It's fine, this is anime. And most of all, I'm the hero. Everything will turn out fine for me," Nagisa then passes out.

After more drama happens, the others quickly arrive downstairs to see what happened. It if was lulzy enough, the might have written an ED article about it. Yaya, Hikari, Tsubomi and Tamao look at each other.

"...I GOT DIBS ON THE KIDNEYS," the Aryan points out.

--

That night, checked Nagisa and Tamao's sleeping quarters, just to make sure that they won't do anything fucktarded anymore. They probably will. No, let me rephrase that, they WILL. But later on. Yes. The admin then looks around to conclude that EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT. THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

Suddenly, there was a loud popping noise. It seems to be deriving from the vent above the room and it gradually became louder. Suddenly, the vent cracked open, and the girls fell from it, one by one. Broken ribs and legs soon followed.

Chiyo then swiftly stands up, "CRIPPLE ORGY! CRIPPLE ORGY! IT'S AWWRIIIIIIGHT!"

"My hips are busted enough as it is D: " Nagisa pleads.

"TOO BAD," Hikari proceeds to bust out the bong. Tamao helped roll up the joints while Yaya brought the Funyuns.

"Tamao..." Nagisa smiles at her friend, "About that Pikachu..."

"No."

The moral is: LOOTING AND POLLUTING IS NOT THE WAY.

--

Nagisa finally learns the secret of the mega-buster that was secretly built into her! Will this be enough to defeat the dark evil that lurks behind the Astraea server? Will she be able to save the world along with her friends? What is the secret behind the server itself? Why are there no Pokiemanz? Are those ads really going to sell me chubby black women? The spelling is gradually getting better each chapter? Find out next time on THE PARKERS. 


	6. MAMBO

Reason for Delay: BIOSHOCK LOL

--

"Welcome to the Gold Hawk base!"

The sun was in the sky, along with a few clouds treading the sky here and there. Below was the fruity-looking school. Lolis ran around happily, avoiding small land-mines on the floor. Everything was perfect.

"Our programs in this side of the server are the best. EVAR. We have the card club--if you lose and don't have any money to give, they break your fingers--we also have the divination guild--oh man, that stuff makes you shit bricks and the nuns don't approve of it--there's also the train research society--basically all they do is watch re-runs of Thomas and his friends and jot down notes on inaccuracies, such as the fact that trains don't have faces that look like disgruntled Hillary Clintons--ah, and then there's the puzzle club--this is where RPG nerds go to play there LoZ vidya games."

Despite the 'liveliness' of it all, the halls were quiet.

"There're so many clubs that the admins stopped caring. Our base is like the GaiaOnline spam dump."

Inside a rather large looking room was Chikaru, that one chick with the dual-ribbons. She was laying on top of a gigantic bean-bag chair. She had a virtual reality helmet on. She spoke as she continued button-bashing, "I'm head president of my base's council but," she was tugging on the controller violently now, "all that butthurt gives me headaches."

One the screen was some sort of new popular video game. It was Heroine Hero. Chikaru's character continued shooting up heroine in his forearms as he chased the magical dragon in the magical forest. Apparently, you can never catch the dragon, but whatever, it was the shit.

Finally, she put down the controller. She took out a small red poncho and put it on as she climbed on top of her desk, standing there with a heroic pose, "Student Council President by day! Shion's bitch by night! Sexual deviant twenty-four-seven! I am--"

--Greenhouse--

Inside the small entrance of the sleeping quarter's entrance were Nagisa and her friends, having a friendly chat about something not so friendly.

"So you're from the cooking club, Chihaya-chan?" Nagisa asks.

Chihaya nods at her happily, "Oh, for sure. You see, it's not as easy as it sounds! Our captain is like the 16-year-old-girl version of Chef Ramse--"

"Shut up and go make me a sandwhich, woman," the ginger glares at her then punches the fuck out of her.

"Haha!," Chihaya apologizes, a nasty bruise on her right eye, " What was I thinking? Leaving the kitchen like that!"

As Chihaya ran off, Mizushima looks at Tamao and Nagisa and bows her head low as a sign of respect, "Ah, sorry, I have to go level up my Digimanz," She smiles at the two, "I'm like, one level away from digivolving my Tokomon to a Falcomon! Level 12 u gaiz!"

Tamao tilts her head in confusion, "I thought its growth limit was 11."

"Oh shitpiss."

Mizushima then leaves, leaving the two behind.

Nagisa smirks, "Oh man, is this like those RPGs where everyone leaves me gradu--"

Tamao just left, not hearing Nagisa's last remark.

"... I've just been PWNED in the face. Way to go leave me here, guys. Alone... in a school of raging. hormonal, lesbian girls... Haha."

--

Nagisa walked around the halls, perhaps looking for a formidable guild to join.

In the first room, there were girls all on each other, while smoking something from a slender tube which lead to a container that emitted a strong smell.

"Hookah guild," Nagisa sighs, "smells like illegal immigrants."

The second room had some naked chick standing on a table while posing the 'YOOOOU' part of the Soulja Boy dance. The other girls had their notebooks with them, furiously sketching away whilst having one hand below their pants. It's hard to keep the notebook up with one hand while drawing at the time with said hand.

"My parents say I draw like Don Hertzfeldt..." the ginger explains.

The third room had some of the girls recreating a scene from a broadway. The others were prancing around as one of them sang.

"My daddy beats my mommy! My mommy clobbers me! My sister dons a mustache! My brother wears a dress! Goodness! Gracious! That's why I'm a mess!" She then tumbles to the floor and continues with such nonsense as everyone else sang along.

Nagisa stayed outside, cupping her mouth to keep herself from laughing to hard, "lol wtf is dis shit."

In the fourth room, there were countless weeaboo dancing to a Lucky Star OP remix. Most of them broke their legs from doing so. The others were doing peace-signs and kawaii animu faces. It was one of those moments were you just want to choke a baby or roast a hamster in a microwave, y'know?

On the nearby trashcan was Nagisa, throwing up from such faggotry.

The fifth room was the cooking guild Chihaya is in. The girls were frantically tumbling, spilling hot food all over each other. They were like ants, running around as the female version of Chef Ramsey spat in their faces for being such failures.

"You call this cooking? I call this shit. Make it again!"

"STFU! Don't make me deport you, limey."

While the girls were in the midst of madness, Nagisa snuck in and stole most of the food and stuck it in her pockets. After such actions, she runs outside and starts binging on the goods, "OM NOM NOM."

The sixth room was the kendo guild. A small Digiman came charging towards Nagisa causing the ginger to be knocked down. She grabs the small creature, which seems to be perpetually wearing its kendo outfit, and yells in its face, "CALM THE FUCK DOWN PLEASE."

The seventh room was Marching Band.

"Aw, fuck no," the ginger then briskly walks away.

Eighth room was seppuku club. Everyone took out their 'stabbing knives' and disemboweled each other. Nagisa was smiling like a retard as blood splashed onto her face. She then wipes a single tear from her eye.

"Shintaro Kago would be proud."

She walks down the halls and starts playing the violin on her wrists. She sighs deeply, "All the programs are made of fail. And since they are, they obviously don't suit me lol."

Her shonen hero superiority complex was keeping her going.

She then arrives at the last room of the hall. Inside, everyone was yelling out obscenities. Nagisa then took a peek and finds some girls beating their Digimanz and abusing them. Among the crowd was Mizushima, doing the same thing to her Digiman.

"Aptitude? Fuck dat shit!" Mizushima yells out as she dunks the lower half of her Digiman into a boiling pot of water.

"I'm sorry, boss D:" Her Digiman pleaded, "Please stop!"

Mizushima shook her head and took out a small pin and poked the creature's legs with it. And with that, small amounts of oil poured out. Apparently, from all that dunking, the legs became cooked.

"O LAWD:O NOW THAT IS HARDCOREshift+1 They should have that option on Tamagotchis too!" Nagisa exclaims in happiness.

The other girls turn around and look at her; their eyes were bloodshot with rage.

"She saw! She saw!" One of them shouts.

"I been saw that," SapphyDracases commented.

Nagisa winces at Saph, "Now that's the ugliest fucking rainbow brite I've ever seen."

As Nagisa was distracted from the seizure-induncing Mary Sue, another one of the girls screams with her high-pitched animu voice, "Get her!"

"Oh shit--!!" Nagisa looks for a direction to run to and begins blasting off, flailing her arms, "WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!"

--

The ginger finds herself in the woods, tiny arrows stuck to her back from the chase. She started to pant heavily as she collapses... on her back, causing the arrows to go in deeper. So, from her reflexes, she quickly turns to her stomach and lies on it instead.

Her face was down in the mud as she mumbles, "Shitty clubs are SHITTYYYYYYYY," and so, like a badger that was bitten by a cobra, Nagisa lay there for an hour. After time passed, she quickly stood up and ran forwards, "Haha! Main characters can't die!"

She skids to a halt when she arrived near the fruity-looking school.

"Wow! Loli galore!" She then prances towards what seems to be, Astraea Server's own little City of Shamballah. But when she got about a foot near its entrance, she was electrocuted. It seemed that the base had its own little force-field thingamajig. Nagisa was burnt blacker than Latoya Jackson.

"MY LIFE FOR AIUR!" says a voice. Nagisa couldn't see who it was since she was currently down and out. But then, a loli, who was also a ginger but of different class, walks up to Nagisa and looks down on her. She was dressed in yellow armor that seemed to cover every part of her body except for her head with showed her kawaii animu eyes that took up 80 percent of her face as well as her kawaii animu twintails. She was carrying a blue broadsword made out of cardboard.

"Huh?" Nagisa huffs with her remaining energy.

"NOT ENOUGH PYLONS!" The other ginger says.

"READY TO ROLL OUT!" Suddenly, a giant alloy tank comes rushing towards Nagisa. It pops open revealing a green haired meganekko loli inside. She was wearing what seems to be a pilot's uniform. She, too, had twintails, but they were both in a bun. It was like... so god damned Asian.

Nagisa got up, unfazed by her burns, "WTF!"

And then, out of the blue, something rushes towards the confused retard, which in this case would be Nagisa, "ZERG RUSH!"

"Oh shi--it's Chikaru," Nagisa then closes her eyes tightly wishing for a swift and painless death. Chikaru was in a zergling costume. It was grotesque but it was full of win. Right then, thousands of Koreans creamed their jeans. With her, was a Digiman. It was an Agumon. But it was bigger and had red belts on its arms.

The two lolis from before then salute Nagisa. The ginger looks up at them.

"Nagisa! From the land of Black Sword!" The twintailed ginger says, "I'm an in-training ranker from Gold Hawk! You may address me as Hyuuga Kizuna!"

The other one soon follows, "Same as her. An in-training ranker from Gold Hawk. I am Batman."

Chikaru grabs 'Batman' by the ear, "No, you were filed in as Natsume Remon. You're not allowed to make a screenname for yourself yet."

The ribbon-donning fuckwad then turns to Kizuna, "And you--!!"

"O NOES!" Kizuna then got to a fetal position on the floor.

Chikaru grabs a helmet from her item folder, "You forgot this :0! Without this, you can't hit for MASSIVE DAMAGE!" She motions Kizuna over to her, "Come, Kizuna-chan."

And so Kizuna came. All over the place. Jesus applauds. Yeah, it's all some weird shit. Even I don't know what's going on. Oh well, it's not like that's anything abnormal in this show. LOLOLOL. Now, let us continue on with our sugoi story, neh?

"Let us depart, Kizuna! We must go find the Holy Grail!" Remon then begins driving her tank over the hopes and dreams of children.

Kizuna followed her, "MY LIFE FOR AIUR!"

Chikaru's Agumon tugs at her costume, "Boss, I can digivolve now :D"

"lol no," She just lol'd, "I was thinking of degenerating you again today."

"D: BUH!?"

Nagisa was still standing there, very confused of the current situation she was in. She looks at Chikaru, who was still in her Zergling costume. She opens her mouth to say something but Chikaru already knew what she was going to ask.

"Project: Gayness in the Anus. IT'S FOR RESEARCH, I SWEAR. THE COPS ALREADY KNOW SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL THEM," Chikaru briskly spoke all of that and runs off, her eyes unfocused, in pursuit of her two lolis. She has her yellow dinosaur following close behind.

The ginger was still standing there, her mouth open from the confusion. Not too soon, a fly flew in, causing the ginger to almost choke to death.

--

Nagisa took another stroll in the virtual woods. She couldn't ride her bike because a nigga stole it, so she resorts to walking instead. As she walks, she catches a glimpse of the greenhouse. Or, that's what she thought it was.

"O lawd, it's the greenhouse from Harry Potter :O I hear there are those weird beans inside that I can trade for magic cards or some shit," She smushes her face on the glass to take a VERY CLOSER look. She sees that the door was open so, she just waltzes in. Rude little cunt.

She looks around, marijuana data were scattered all over the place, "I wonder..."

Nagisa stares at a full-grown Mary-Jane, "No one will notice," and she puts the data in her pocket. She then whistles her way out the door. But--as soon as she reaches the exit (every exit in there is also an entrance lolol), she bumps into Shizuma and her internet police, "DAMMIT!"

"I saw what you did there..." Shizuma looks at her accusingly.

"OH PSSHHH!!" Nagisa leaned back, gangsta-style, "Think you're all cool, aren't you? Dram A. Queen?"

Shizuma just gave her the SRS BSNS IS SRS look. She then grins and gives Nagisa a small device.

Nagisa swipes the object from her hand, "HOW DRAMATIC! I bet you joined the drama club--OH!"

Hitomi laughs at Nagisa, "Does this look like a drama club room to you? Nagisa? THIS AM A GREENHAUS LOL."

The ginger gives her a sarcastic smile, "I know it is, you stupid shit. Think I'm retarded, do you now?"

"You're quite famous for that," Mizuho tells her, "newayz, this is t3h 6R33NH0U53. Shizuma's personal 6R33NH0U53."

"oh i c now. thx 4 openin mah eyes to da light lolol kthxbye," the ginger says before leaving. She waves the device she got from Shizuma in front of them, "Oh, and you're not getting this back lol."

Nagisa then divides by zero and goes back to the dorms.

Shizuma stood there with her colleagues and takes out a fully rolled joint from her pocket, "We seriously HAVE to stop smoking this shit."

--

"Shizuma gave it to you?" Tamao drops the jug of moonshine she had and waddles towards Nagisa, "Oi! Kicking it old skool?"

Nagisa gave her a nasty look, "C'mon, man! What the hell? What is this? I was expecting something romantic like a used hankerchief, not this shit," the ginger then points her hand towards the small creature in front of them. It was the older version of an Agumon. It was smaller. It was weaker. It didn't have arm braces. And most of all, it looked shitty, "I mean come on, at least Chikaru got a better looking one!"

"Did she get you anything else?" Tamao asks.

Nagisa looks around in her item bag, pulls something out and shows it to Tamao, "I managed to grab some pot."

"WONDERFUL!"

All of a sudden, their door slams open, "DID SOMEONE SAY POT!?"

It was Chihaya and Mizushima. They were dressed as Rodeo Clowns. Why? Because the story is boring and we need something to spice it up, therefore, we have low-wage Asian immigrants dressed as clowns! Hooray! Whore Ray! Shoop da Whoop!

"Hey guys! I baked you some stuff!" Chihaya says as she grabs a plate full of her 'special' brownies.

Nagisa slowly moved towards Chihaya, "DELICIOUS BROWNIES I MUST EAT THEM."

And so they ate. After a while they just sat there, exchanging ideas about the Hollow Earth and if inflation art can really be deemed as sexy.

"I tried snorting ground up Smarties once," Mizushima began, "it really hurt but then I started seeing colours, so it was all good.

Tamao laughs, "OH U."

Chihaya and Nagisa were to tired to do anything after eating all those brownies. So they just sat there. Remember that one ABOVE THE INFLUENCE commercial with the deflated people. It was kinda like that but they were inflated.

"Please don't ignore me," Nagisa's Agumon begs, "I'm hungry, I have to poop, I need a bath--"

"YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH PROBLEMS!" Nagisa snaps, "Shut up before I put a 'return to sender' stamp on your face."

"Haha! Sticker slap!" Chihaya intrudes. She then began making obscure Tony Hawk references.

Nagisa shook her head in disappointment, "Skateboarding jokes? Lame. That stuff's about as efficient as my 56K modem. FAIL."

Chihaya bows her head in shame, "D'aww. I was about to do a 360 Kickflip Backflip Ollie on your vag00 too."

"...You lost me."

--

Nagisa dragged her Digiman with her and held it by the crook of its arm. She stood outside of Shizuma's room and banged on the door furiously.

"Open up, ho," Nagisa screams, "You can have your Tamagotchi back!"

"Am I like those shitty drawings you get in art trades, boss?" the petit dinosaur looks at Nagisa.

"Yes, now shut your damn whore mouth."

There was no answer on the door. It was certain that Shizuma wasn't there.

"Ah! The empty room!" After her idea bubble popped, she dashes upstairs, still dragging the creature with her, and heads towards the ZOMG MYSTERYIUS ROOM.

She stands in front of it and steps back a bit. She then charges her hands in front of her, "OPEN SAYS ME."

"Maybe there are some conditions that have to be met before you can open it," Agumon tells her, "Y'know, like, maybe if you fed me it wou--"

"STFU."

"is dat sum fail i c thar?"

Nagisa quickly turns around, only to be confronted by Rokujew. Nagisa saw that this was the perfect opportunity to make Jew jokes, "What the difference between a turkey and a Jew!?"

Faster than the blink of an eye, Nagisa was knocked the fuck out. Rokujew kicked her body to see if she was still alive. Seeing that the girl was still breathing, Rokujew raises her leg high and slams it down Nagisa's stomach, causing the ginger to sit upright from the pain. Nagisa quickly got up and ran.

She starts yelling at the blue-haired mega ranker, "You crazy Jew! You'll never take my pennies! MUWAHAHAHA--!!"

Her sentence was cut short as she had run into a firewall.

--

Nagisa sat in her room. She was running some scientific tests to find the conclusion to her problem. It included using photon microscopes, supercomputers for calculations, risky chemical reaction experiments and porn. It took her three days and her Agumon had died from hunger five times throughout the whole thing but it was worth it.

"You don't ever die do you?" Nagisa looks at the dinosaur.

"No, we just revert back to Digitamas and--"

"STFU."

--

The two arrive at the greenhouse. It didn't smell like Mary-Janes anymore. This time it smelled like sex. The scent wasn't too strong though. It was moderate, yeah. Nagisa smirks like a typical shonen hero, "The greenhouse! Of course!"

"But then..." Agumon asks her, "what were all those tests for?"

"To find the cure for AIDS. And I got it."

Agumon starts jumping up and down excitedly, "Oh! Oh! I contracted AIDS! It was when I fell on that pile of needles in your room! You have the cure!? Oh my! What good news, boss! Can you--"

"I lied, there is no cure for AIDS."

" D: " Agumon ORZ'd.

Further into the Greenhouse was Shizuma and her troops. They were busy doing nothing. Nagisa waved over to them and furiously pointed at the Agumon. They looked and then went back to what they were doing, which was nothing.

"Hey! Hey!" Nagisa grabs a tray and slams it on their table a couple of times, "Psst!"

Shizuma glances at Nagisa, "Shh, this is quiet time."

The ginger flicked Shizuma in the face, "Bullshit! Now listen--"

The gray haired chick points off towards the darkest corner of the greenhouse, "You see that plant over there?"

Nagisa looks to her right, "Yeah."

"Exactly."

"What?" Nagisa scratches her head from confusion, "I don't get it."

"Shh!" Shizuma put her finger to Nagisa's lips, "Gandhi is telepathically talking to me right now. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEP."

Nagisa rolls her eyes, "I have no time for this."

As Nagisa was about to storm off and PMS all over the place, Shizuma grabs her, "Quiet time's over!"

"What?" Nagisa shakes her head, "Okay, okay, see, you gave me that Digiman over there. See? That one," she points to Agumon. The yellow dinosaur waves back at her, "Yeah, you can have it back. You see, I don't want Tamagotchi rip-offs."

"But you accept Monster Rancher rip-offs, hmm?" Shizuma smirks.

"Yeah," says Nagisa, completely deadpan.

Disappointed, Shizuma simply says, "Oh."

She stands up and shakes her associates awake and asks them to cean up the greenhouse for her, along with Nagisa. The two agree, Nagisa took quite a while before they bribed her to do it, and began packing up random items on the floor. There were flutes, clarinets, oboes, saxophone mouth pieces, other phallic shaped instruments... a tuba...

Well, then. After packing up, the gray haired chick gives them a thumbs up, "GJ! It looks less shittier than before!"

Nagisa finished filing the instruments in their cases, "Why are these in a Greenhouse?"

"Hey, boss, I'm hungry..." Agumon whines.

Nagisa squints at him evilly, "Don't make me steal your iPod."

Shizuma walks towards Nagisa and gives her a pat on the head, "You have done well, young Jedi. I would like you to assist me one more time, if that's okay. I want you to carry at least one instrument back to the dorms."

Nagisa figured that if she did this, all the bullshit and tyranny would finally be over with, "Fine."

"Take the quads," Shizuma points to the largest case.

"WHAT. THE. FUCK."

--

They finally arrive at the dorms. Nagisa was sweating like crazy, her Digiman still followed loyally behind her despite Nagisa's attempts at keeping it away by swinging the case towards it from time to time. The PETA club was hiding somewhere around the nearby bushes and recorded her every move.

"Boss! You almost hit me that time D: " the yellow dinosaur groaned.

Nagisa cursed at herself inwardly, "Really? Damn. That was close."

"Yeah! You were close to hitting me in the face! Thank God, you didn't huh? I could have permanently died! Those quads must be really heavy!"

"Would you shut up with that? Jesus Fucking Christ," the ginger screamed in anger, "No wonder nobody plays with you Tamagotchis anymore."

Shizuma motioned her over to a room. She then grabs another set of quads from the corner of the room and puts it on. From her pockets, she grabs two mallets.

"You there," she looks to Nagisa's direction, "put yours on."

"I thought we were going to have some sort of romantic piano playing montage."

"This is more hardcore," Shizuma says.

Nagisa took about an hour just to put the quads on. Shizuma didn't help her, instead, she just continued playing hers as she watched the hilarity of Nagisa almost choking to death when the instrument fell on her neck. Much fun it was indeed. Though, after trial and error, she finally got it on.

"What do I do now?" Nagisa asks.

Shizuma stares at her as if she had some sort of physical deformity, "What else? You play them."

The ginger goes FACEPALM, "Wha... so I wasted all that time just for nothing?"

"Welcome to Strawberry Panic, nigga," Shizuma throws her a pair of mallets, "I will teach you how to play the percussion part of that Sunabozu Ekaki Uta song."

And so after a while...

"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU DO THE TURBINE THING!?"

"You missed a note during the ending!" Shizuma shouts in her face, "SERIOUS BUSINESS!"

One of Nagisa's arms fell off from being too much of a pussy to handle the weight of the quads. Fortunately, they got her arm back on. The first time, it was backwards, but hey, at least they got it back on, amirite?

--

"Nagisa and Shizuma? Haha! You make me LOL in my pants!" Rokujew threw her head back in amusement, almost spilling her bag of Doritos.

"I'm serious," Hitomi adds, "They were... like, close and stuff."

Mizuho squints forwards, seeming like she was reading something from a distance, "YES WE KNOW HER VERY WELL WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER SINCE PRE-SCHOOL YOU KNOW OUR BARNEY DAYS YEAH THAT WAS PRETTY HOT OH AND YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS ONE CHICK SHE WAS TOTALLY ITALIAN OR MAYBE SOME KIND OF SPANISH"

"She was acting all happy and stuff," red-haired internet police explains to Rokujew, "she didn't even care when I tried to steal her iPod."

Rokujew nods, "This requires further investigation."

"Well...?" Hitomi motioned for her to go on.

"Well, what?" Rokujew raises an eyebrow.

Hitomi continues, "Aren't you going to do something about it?"

"Not really," Rokujew then grabs a potato chip and reaches for the dip.

Mizuho butts in, "DON'T DOUBLE DIP THAT CHIP!"

"What's the worst that could happen?" Rokujew retorts as she TOTALLY double-dipped.

In a flash, Chtulhu grabs Rokujew and drags her down the depths of hell.

The purple haired internet police points at her, "That."

--

Nagisa and Shizuma were outside, drinking tea. Shizuma then grabs something thick and pulls on it to extend it. She sets it in front of Nagisa. It was a telescope, "We are going to see if we can find another galaxy, so we can name it after me," Shizuma smiles at Nagisa.

"Why don't we look for aliens instead?" Nagisa asks.

"Oh! Ha, how cute, if they ever come down here, we have hot tea for them!" Shizuma tone suddenly turned dark, "You know, to splash on their faces just in case they want to anally probe us."

When it got dark, they looked up at the heavens above them. You couldn't really see any stars because of all the light pollution. All you could see were things that the military would classify as 'weather balloons.'

"I wonder if anyone is out there...?" Shizuma wonders as she looked into the telescope.

All of a sudden, a voice coming from the sky responded to her, "Nope; you'll be alone forever."

"Oh," Shizuma said, as she looked down at the ground, quite disappointed.

"Nice telescope, though."

Nagisa was in the back, her palm to her face. She then wanders away. As she reached the midpoint between the greenhouse and the dorms, she realized something was wrong when she felt a tug on her uniform.

"Hey, boss, why'd you leave like that?"

"YOU!" Nagisa points at Agumon. She proceeds to grab it and drag it back to Shizuma. But, as she got back, Shizuma was nowhere to be found, "Oh shit! She must have been abducted! It's Roswell all over again!"

As she went deeper into the greenhouse, she finds Shizuma angsting while reading porn. Yeah. It's sadder than crying while eating. It really is. Shizuma turns back to see if anyone was there, but no one was there. It was empty. Like her angst-ridden teenage soul. But, when she walks towards the table, she finds Agumon strapped to the seat. It's mouth was duct-taped to keep the thing from talking about nonsense. Shizuma untied it and held it by the tail, "Dammit, when I finally get rid of you, you find ways to come back."

--

Tamao was waiting for Nagisa by the gate. She glances up and sees her ginger-buddy heading towards her. She quickly turns off her DS, in which she used to pass the time (about 6 hours total) waiting for Nagisa.

"Hey, dude!" Tamao walks up to Nagisa, "I like IM'd you a thousand times."

"Really, now?"

"Seriously, where the hell were you?"

"Dude... even I don't know."

"Oh yeah, this was in our room," Tamao mumbles as she looked in her pocket.

"I CAN FINALLY HAVE A PIKACHU :D ?" Nagisa hopes.

"Haha, silly Nagisa! That's Pokemon," Tamao chuckles.

Nagisa tilts her head, "Then what the hell is it?"

Tamao set the device in front of her and allowed the little creature to materialize, "It's Agumon!"

"Hi, boss!" Agumon waved over to Nagisa, "Oh, think of all the adventures we will have!"

Disgust was written all over the ginger's face as the yellow monster kept blabbing on. She then turns to Tamao, "Remind me to send Shizuma the nimp link."

"Why?"

"Because I don't see what that thing has to do with Strawberry Panic."

"It's fanfiction, you 'tard."

"Oh yeah lol."

One week later they all died... from rectal prolapse. They did learn a lesson from it all: three-foot-tall dinosaurs cannot be a suitable substitute for gerbils or hamsters.

--

We're back to that dark room Shizuma's always in. She couldn't really angst that much since Hitomi actually did steal her iPod. Though, she didn't go all the way and actually become AN HERO over it. Instead she just stood there, in front of her window, binoculars set to her eyes as she scanned the server for any buttsecks related activity. Of course, this is the Astraea server so buttsecks is always present.

"Shizuma, are you serious?" a voice emits from the shadows.

Shizuma frantically groped around the dark, "GUH!? Who's there? I can't see, it's all dark! Oh yeah, well, I'll rape you before you can rape me--"

Back from Hell, bringing souveneirs, Rokujew rolls her eyes, "Maybe it wouldn't be this dark if you INSTALLED THE DAMN LIGHT LIKE I TOLD YOU TO. LAST YEAR."

"So, what were we talking about again?"

"Aw, crap, now I forgot. Probably something totally pointless."

"WELCOME TO STRAWBERRY P--"

"STFU."

OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR TEH S3CKS.

--

A recent study by the National Psychiatric Institute in Boston, MA, concluded that no activity can account for the phenomenon known as nightmares. Whereas many dreams come from unconscious desires, most nightmares seem to come from an outside source independent of the individual. In fact, when subjects are asked to recall nightmares they are almost always found in the same memory section as actual physical memories, not the section where normal dreams are replayed. In other words, those aliens and creatures you see at night in your "dreams?" They're real. Yeah... find out next time on a new episode of I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU IN THE EAR.


	7. PARTICLE MAN

A small blue haired girl ran up to her father presenting her cupped hand before him, "Look Daddy! I lost my first tooth!"

"Wow, you really are growing up," The man pats his daughter on the head, "Put it under your pillow and the tooth fairy will give you a dollar."

That night...

"Hi, Amane! I'm the tooth fairy!" It was the father. He was dressed in a fairy outfit of pink and bubblegum. His hairy features were as clear as day. After seeing a muscular, hairy dude in a tight-fitting hairy outfit, anyone could become traumatized, in this case it was Amane.

Amane then got out from her bed and fearfully exclaims, "Sweet Jesus!"

Her father then punches her in the face, causing her teeth to get knocked out. "You have such tasty teeth, Amane," he said as he licked the blood-splattered teeth on the ground. He then grabs his daughter by her foot and hangs her upside-down, "And now for the main course!"

Suddenly, Amane's mother bursts open the door, only to witness such horror happening, "Howard! What are you doing!?"

"Take it back!" The hairy man then shoves the blue haired girl up her mother for an unbirthing process.

A blonde girl can be seen peering through the window. She was grinning evilly as she continued watching the eye-melting sodomy in front of her.

-POOF!-

Amane's eyes shot open, bloodshot and tired. She proceeds to sit up from her bed. She peers over her table only to see the LSD she had recently bought from one of the admins. Of course, like any good Christian, she grabbed the drug and used it. Soon enough, visions of little girls getting violated in bath tubs full of excrement and maggots entered her mind. The blue haired bulldyke smiled contently as she fumbled through her clothes, went out the door, and headed towards the paddock, where all her fangirls were waiting for her.

Soon enough, she starts angsting about forgetting how to shot web.

--Thorny Trap--

Tamao was talking about all her problems while Nagisa listened, "So I is like -PSHHT-whateva' HO! An'she goes 'Aw hale naw!' ...man... Mom's huh?"

"Oh lawdy!"

It was another school day in the shithole called Astraea. Inside their classroom, Nagisa and Tamao are showing us how to behave properly during lessons by ignoring the teacher and talking about nonsense. Yep.

"Mup da do didda po mo gub bidda dat tum muhfuggen bix nood..."

Nagisa just continuously nods at her friend with a goofy grin on her face as the highly intellectual conversation went on.

"... cof bin dub ho muhfugga."

Finally, the ginger speaks up, "Wow I never knew that Hikari and Amane are that close," Nagisa gasps, "you sure do know a lot of things concerning the server, Tomato!"

Tamao looks at her friend with a confused look on her face, "...What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, Tomato, forgetting your own chat?" Nagisa sighs, "It was on how you said that Amane would enver get so close to anyone right up until Hikari shows up."

"I was talking about how my previous girlfriend broke my Gameboy causing me to lose..." Tamao rubs her temples, "...my only chance of getting a shiney Pidgey."

"I ONCE HAD A BUTTPLUG SHAPED LIKE ABRAHAM LINCOLN!"

--

Meanwhile, on the roof of the Blue Falcon station...

"Oh man, are you serious? 500 dollars? That's it?"

"Yeah," the other one nods in approval, "Brazilian chicks'll do anything for 500 dollars."

"Wait..." Momomi shakes her head from confusion, "aren't we supposed to be talking about Amane while using cleverly disguised metaphors and having epic rooftop sex with Aphex Twin playing in the background afterwards?"

Her dark haired partner in crime then quickly responds, "O shi--don't dyke out just yet, my big breasted friend! Did I mention that Amane is in love?" the bulldyke then points down towards the paddocks.

"A-hah! Still training even during break I see?" Hikari says to Amane.

"There's a tournament coming up," Amane replies, "I like to procrastinate and do everything last minute."

Confused at that, Hikari asks her, "Why don't you just hack?"

"Because hacking's for n00bs!" Amane strictly snaps at the Aryan, "See, back on the wild frontier, I's be owning n00bs like you left and right. It's 'cause I'm ultimate and shit."

"LIES!"

Amane slyly grins at her, "Haha! To prove myself, I shall be requesting a battle drive from you, during the farewell ceremony! This way, you, as well, as everyone will see how hardcore I truly am!"

Hikari just laughs, "Wow... you're a fucking faggot, dude. But I shall accept your challenge!"

While they were talking, Shion was hiding in the virtual bushes, donning a pair of binocs. After seeing Amane and Hikari's PMS chat, the Aryan gulps, "Not as planned."

Back on the roof...

"Damn," Momomi still looking over at the paddocks, "I swear, when I saw that shit I was like WHAT."

--

Well, after being repeatedly cum on by her hormonal fangirls, it was obvious that a bath was necessary. So, off she went. And so, the trap is like taking a shower now, see? Damn, after seeing this, I'd fucking hit it. But still, you know, someone needs to give these chicks a sandwich. Seriously. Like, dude, seriously. DAAAAAAAMN.

Upon stepping out of the shower, Amane expected a thousand fangirls to infiltrate her velvet underground, but instead, she gets the dekochin to do that instead. Maybe. The chances are very high.

Shion was actually behind Amane, admiring the trap's features, "Hello there, Amane. La lune est magnifique."

"GTFO," Amane greets the chick with the huge forehead as politely as she could.

"Have you thought about what I asked you to do?"

Even though she's stoic about everything because the animators only gave her one facial expression, the bulldyke still responds, "Aren't you forgetting that I'm still a minor?"

"BITCH NO. YOU MUST ACCEPT YOUR FATE!" Shion states, "Now any lady worth her tits knows that I need to be handled with two hands."

A bit dazed of what's going on, the trap asks the Aryan president, "What are we talking about again?"

"The lolis outside need to be man-handled."

"Like I said, I'm still a minor, you five-headed dipshit," Of shit Amane totally PWNED the bitch, "Besides, doing all of them would be like drowning in a sea of AIDS."

"Dude," Shion began, "this is Strawberry Panic. You already HAVE AIDS."

"Fine, just choose on, then! Just one! Supersoak just one ho. I'm sure you have someone special out there," Of course, at this moment, the dekochin probably doesn't know what's going on because she'd be too busy watching a teenage girl undress and dress right in front of her.

After changing, Amane then slams her locker shut, "...My mom?"

"What!? No! Hikari, you stupid lifeless--"

"Hikari? Bitch, don't go bustin' my nuts like that."

The President then walks up to her and does that Marimite neck-tie thing.

"I can fix it myself."

As Amane tried to keep the Aryan away from her by pushing her away with her hand on the blonde's forehead, the bitch bites her hand and looks up at her, "What? You deserve this, you sloppy cunt."

And so the blonde walks away, leaving the trap in her clueless-I'm-going-to-be-a-virgin-forever state. Right now, I'm standing on my seat, gripping my head from poppin' off, 'cause daaaaaamn, that blonde bitch is hardCORE, nigga. She doesn't fucking mess around. See now, I'm all like :O HOLY SHIT, SON.

--

Well, after all that bullcrap, we're like, at the Virgin Mary statue again where Hikari's praying about how she's a good lesbian Christian.

"Dear Jesus, thanks for making that bottle of Febreeze land square on my eye causing temporary blindness... and I better win that battle drive or someone's ass is gon' get capped. Amen. P.S.: Did you get that postcard I sent you?"

She looks to the side only to find Yaya sitting next to her.

Hikari makes a kawaii animu face, "ZOMG KONNICHIWA YAYA-CHAN :3"

"More irony, Hikari?"

Hikari glares at her, "Shut your damn pagan mouth."

"The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree... yeah, makes perfect sense," after the TL;DR speech, Yaya picks up the small diskette set on top of Hikari's item pack, "Aww, you didn't give it to her."

"Sorry, my pussy instincts got to me before my shounen hero one," Hikari droops her head down in disappointment.

"Can you imagine that bitch high on Rage virus? You should have really given it to her," Yaya sighs, tossing the diskette back at Hikari, "You like her right? LOLOLOLOLOL."

"...Wow. Of course I do! That should be pretty clear! That's why I want to infect her with the fucking virus and end her life," Hikari's face then went blank, "No."

Yaya chuckles at her friend's last statement, "Oh Hikari, you're like my ray of sunshine on acid-rainy days."

Hikari then began worrying, I swear, mood swings and shit, "What should I do, Yaya-chan?"

"Huh?"

"She challenged me to a battle drive. I don't think I can win against someone two ranks higher than me..."

"You know what that means!" Yaya stands up and simply states, "Kill yourself."

--

At the Blue Falcon's station, the council was having a meeting about something completely irrelevant to whatever I was just telling you. God, I seriously have no idea what's going on. I need to lay off all that Cali but that shit's fucking addicting. Anyway, back to our uber kawaii princess story.

"President," that other trap, Kaname, began, "I don't think you should choose Amane for the Coliseum. She'll end up hacking like last year."

Momomi nods, "IAWTC."

Shion rises from her seat, "Amane! How could you say that about yourself D!?"

After that statement, there was a long pause. After a long while, it was broken by a lone sigh coming from none other than Kaname, "I am fucking ashamed that any of you would think she's me."

"Sorry, dude, everyone in anime looks the same to me," Shion apologizes, "Why don't we talk about something else?"

Kaname slams her fist on the desk, "Bitch, no! Kaname does not forgive!"

All of a sudden, Momomi grabs a AK-47 from one of the drawers from her table, jumps out her seat, and starts firing like a motherfucker at the door, "ROBOTS!"

The door burst open and there was suddenly a wave of giant robots in their council room. So, all three of them went Rambo on those niggas. Because they were originally New York gangsters or New-Age Jedi Warriors, all this shit was easy for them. The robots had these futuristic weapons like potato-peelers and cheese knives, making them powerful. Shion attempted typing in as much cheats to make the battle easier. POWER OVERWHELMING was obviously the first choice of what to type. The fight lasted for two days, and the sun dare not set as it was going on. Though, as inevitable as it was, it appears that they had lost all of their ammo, despite all of the cheats used. Out of the blue, a warning appeared in front of the three: "da folowing gaem problyply wont work." As a last resort, Kaname grabbed a bazooka from underneath the smoldering piles of robots and totally fired that shit. After that blast, there was silence. My word, that was epic. I fucking came.

--

Amidst the rubble, there stood Kaname and Momomi. Shion probably left and went to go have uber buttsecks with Chikaru, as the whole fanfiction community seems to say. The sun was setting, causing an eerie red glow to radiate and cover the server.

"Should we risk the b&hammer and troll that kid?" Momomi asks.

"Oh, you mean that kid who fucking stole the last fruit cup in the cafeteria?" Kaname raises an eyebrow, "I already fucked that punk-bitch up. Man, I swear, after that attack, and when I told her I'd make her van explode, she had to go buy herself a dog and some curtains."

"No, I mean Hikari. I hear she's a fan of JFAK."

"Damn, son, really?" Kaname then goes FACEPALM, "That just made me want to cunt punt a five year old across the internet."

Momomi laughs, "Yeah, dude. This is going to be one epic raid."

And so with that, it was unofficially declared that Hikari will be getting PWNED by shock images of dancing burn victims and self mutilation as well as lolcats by tomorrow. That ho gon' get her ass (among other body parts) supersoaked. It is also said that once the raid takes place, the events of said day will be recorded in the Bible, a.k.a., the huge Christian fanfic.

--

That night at the dorms...

"Hey, Nagisa, still learning Frapanese there? Fuckin' frogs never made sense..." Tamao comments.

Nagisa shushes her friend, "I'm concentrating, Tomato."

"Well, anyway, Amane and Hikari... damn, nigga! I swear all those GaiaFags be trippin' everytime I fucking mention those two! They be all like 'zomg kawaii desu ne gyaahhhh watashi wa baka da na.' But still, I did get one of them to show me their nipples :O!"

The ginger was too busy reading the upside-down textbook. Tamao just continued with her incoherent rambling.

"So I posted a photoshop of that one Harmonica chick from Harry Potter yeah? All these 13 year old users got on my ass like fat kids on cake and started asking me if I do commissions and shit! Know what I did? I fukken bombed the crap out of that god-forsaken forum! Oh yeah, and this kid was all like showing me a picture of her supposed 'girlfriend,' but I was all like, 'nah, if your girlfriend ends in .jpeg, she ain't real.' So 'cause of that, she's all pissed at me and she told me she'd give me a Cleveland Steamer and eat my face! Wanna know something even more shocking!? The person who told me that was Hikari :O ZOMG I FUCKING SHAT BRICKS EVERYWHERE I SWEAR. So, like, we were all, 'damn, bitch, sorry!' but then she's all like, 'mother mary's going to fucking hydro pump your face and no one wants to be the end ass of that and my mom got scared and said you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel-air because we've known each other for so long and my heart's been aching but, you're too shy to say it, sometimes we don't know what's been going on, we know the game and we're good at playin', I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling, gotta make you, understand."

Nagisa looks up from her book, "Shit--Rickrolled."

"Aww, are you going to just let her get away with that, boss?" Agumon prods its owner.

Nagisa turns to the midget dino, "...You're still here?"

ZOMG NEWAYS, in Hikari and Yaya's room, the Aryan was in the bathroom while her friend waited outside the door.

Yaya banged on the door loudly, "Damn it, Hikari! It doesn't take two hours just to take a shower!"

A voice emanated from inside, "Shut up, man. Because of that parfait you gave me, I'm currently blasting ass in here! So, make like a good female and STFU, go back to the kitchen and make me a sandwich!"

"NO U. Make your own sandwich, nigga," Yaya was quite pissed but she couldn't do anything about it. So she just stood there and crossed her arms, waiting for Hikari to come out so she can cunt punt that little fag.

And after that heartwarming moment of sisterly love, we move onto Kaname and Momomi's room. The bulldyke was currently writing furiously, gasping after each sentence.

"Writing on your Death Note, there? Don't forget to sign your name on there to ensure that it's yours!" Momomi tells her fuckbuddy. Also: cleavage. OLOLOL.

Kaname turns to Momomi, "No, douche bag, I'm writing a letter to Hikari."

"Then what's with all that dramatic effect there, buddeh?"

"I'm thinking of the ARBchat that will be requested after all this. Think of all the glorious butthurt! Also, don't talk like JFAK or I will cut your limbs off and violate your wounds," The trap then saves the .txt file on a small flash drive.

Momomi sits up from their bed in order to see what the hell Kaname was mumbling about, "excuse me, wtf r u doin?" The trap then puts the flash drive in between whatsherface's tits, "can it be bondage tiemz!?"

Kaname then grabs random metal pieces and a bucket of yellow paint, "No! It's morphin' time!"

After a few modifications here and there, it was finished. Momomi has officially been pimped out to look like the lovechild of Bumblebee and Medabee. It was kinda like a fursuit, just without all the furfaggotry but with more robofaggotry. The armor was light-weight in order to make moving normally possible.

Momomi turns to Kaname, "So, enlighten me with this fail."

"You know how bees pollinate flowers?" Kaname explains, "You're the bee, and Hikari's the flower. I want you to 'pollinate' her. Still with me here?"

"Let me get this straight," Momomi tries to clarify, "You want me to impregnate Hikari through her face?"

Kaname looks down in disappointment and puts her palm to her face, "...Just send her the flash drive."

"Bah! Whatever! Use a better metaphor next time! This one makes as much sense as those things that say 'jub-jub' on Star Wars!" Momomi shrewdly glances over at Kaname, "Aww, fuck dis shit! I am ready for hawt robot sex now!"

The trap then puts on a cardboard box outfit that says 'free robot sex' on it, "Time to fuse together with the help of my metallic extension!"

So, they like, did it and stuff. And Milkman by Aphex Twin was playing in the background. Yeah, totally relevant. Totally.

--

The comforting whirring of a computer was present throughout the whole room. Amane was seated before it, fapping to 2girls1cup.

"Nothing is shocking. NOTHING."

With that statement, she continued with her fapping.

--

It was a beautiful day, filled with buttsecks and epicness. Hikari rushed out of the Blue Falcon station, running like a maniac. Because she wasn't looking where she was going, she tripped... on someone's foot. She landed face first onto the pavement. She bled from 8532 different pores on her face. She quickly wiped it all up and struggled to stand.

"Hikari-chan?" A voice called out to her.

Out of reflex, Hikari turns around, "What, bitch?" Internet tough guy mode was on.

Momomi was still in her robot outfit. It was quite a challenge to move around in such a bulky thing, so she used her UBER 1337 JET PACK to get from place to place and stuff. She then hands Hikari a flash drive, "I'm supposed to impregnate your face with this."

Hikari goes XD, "Wow, never have I seen such retardation. Well, I guess this should be normal for you, you are a brunette after all."

Momomi growls at her, "Now, don't start that blonde versus brunette shit with me you elitist faggot. I already get enough of that form Shion. Anyway, just take the flash drive, alright? Get off my back kplzthx."

"Who's this from?"

"A trap."

"You smell like sex."

"...'aight."

Hikari looks down at the drive, got aggressive and threw the item to the ground, "Naw, nigga. That probably has AIDS in there! That Amane is probably trying to get me sick so I'll have to forfeit from the battle she assigned! It's the perfect plan!"

Momomi stood there with a blank expression on her face, "Are you done with your vagina monologues there?"

Hikari gives her a salute, grabs the flash drive, and runs off, "Goodbye, Miss Secretary. May God watch over you during bar fights."

Momomi just shrugs and uses her uber 1337 BumbleMedaBee jetpack to fly back to her sleeping quarters. Though, in an AWSUMLY SEXAY twist, she lands in the Gold Hawk base. She was then attacked by a thousand of horny lolis who thought fandom rape cosplay was kawaii. Not long after, her robot outfit exploded, causing all the lolis to die from the sexually sexified explosion. So, pigtails just walks away, "LOLOLOLOL. I don't know what's going on."

--

At the Not-Quite-A-Virgin-Mary statue, Hikari opened up her laptop and stuck the flash drive in--and I'm totally not talking innuendo here. She reads the TL;DR message on it, avoiding all the random porno files.

Because the Aryan was also a grammar Nazi, she snickers, "...Someone was obviously too busy doing something else instead of using spell-check."

--

It was the day of another farewell ceremony. Hormonal Blue Falcon operatives talked amongst each other. Their chats consisted of whether Amane has grown a P0n0S yet or wo'd win between a fight, Captain America or Cockmongler. Among the crowd was Tamao and Nagisa.

"Man, it's like everyone wants to get in her pants. Amirite, Tomato?"

Tamao was quick to respond, "Well, the tamers here are top class--"

"LIES."

In one of the empty rooms in the Blue Falcon base, there was Yaya. She had a rifle ready in front of her. It seems that she has a clear shot of the walkway which the participating tamers are going to be using. Everyone should already know her intentions for there were also quite a few irate students in the rooms next to her, also with rifles in hand. Yaya was planning to get a nice, clean headshot.

Though, Hikari was nowhere to be found among the crowd. She was actually in the forest, her cap turned backwards a la Pokayman Master. She gripped her Digivice, "Haha, if she forfeits, that means I win."

Suddenly--A DYNAMIC ENTRY. Hikari was knocked the fuck out from the kick that seemed to come out of nowhere. She quickly got up and looked around.

"Amane-sama!? What the hell did you do with your hair?"

Kaname winces, "...Once again, I am fucking ashamed that someone would mistake me for that ass-pirate."

"Haha, it's just you, Kenjou-sama :D Threat level back down to 0."

She didn't find Amane, instead she found Kaname. Ah, close enough.

--

Back at the ceremony, Nagisa was getting tired of standing around, so she went to go buy some churros from a nearby stand and also went back to the Black Sword HQ to have quick buttsecks with t3H Chiyo. She comes back and sees that Tamao was still in the same spot she had been.

"Damn, Tomato, it hasn't started yet?"

"Almost, hell, even Shizuma came," Tamao points to Shizuma.

The gray haired chick was shoving lolis to the ground, "MOVE BITCH."

Shion was right behind her (LOLOLOL). The blonde was looking as bitchy as usual. Her eyes shift side to side, looking for Kenjou-san and Kiyashiki-san (Holy fuck, why is her name so damn hard to type!? Both given name and surname D:) desu no, "Now where did those ass-monkeys get to?"

--

Okay, back to the forest. More E-drama was unfolding.

Hikari hands her the flash drive, "Wow, dude, you can't type for shit."

"Haha, that's funny," Kaname said sarcastically, "Don't fucking dyke out at that. Do you know how hard it is to have someone on you while you type? Damn, that shit's berserker."

And so Hikari responds with a typical MySpace response, "lol."

At the ceremony, Amane and the other chosen tamers had arrived. Yaya and the other irate students fired their shots. The sky suddenly became shadowed from the veil of bullets. All the fangirls ran around like ants while the chosen tamers just stood there and shat their pants. Though, in an odd twist, all the participants were shot dead, except for Amane, she just got shot in the knees. She fell to the concrete, cursing as she held her knees and ground her teeth from the pain, "Holy Jesus Tits!"

A chorus of "DAMN!" was heard throughout the Blue Falcon station.

Once again, at the forest, Kaname was totally pouncing on Hikari's ass.

Kaname hisses, "Resistance is futile!"

"Who says I was resisting?"

"...would you like to hear a metaphor while we wait for Momomi?"

"Sure, go ahead."

Kaname put her hand to her chin as she began her thought train. In a flash, she slams her fist to her opposite palm representing the fact that she had acquired an idea, "Rosa Parks!"

"LOL WUT," Hikari gave her a retard-smile :D.

"You wanna know the story of Rosa Parks? The top nigga of the bronx? See, it all started on a bus ride," Kaname starts, "She was sitting on her seat--at the front of the bus--see, niggaz aren't allowed to sit there else they gon' get pwned. So anyway, she's all sitting there right? When suddenly, this other white person came. She was an elderly woman, so she goes over to Rosa Parks and tells her, 'excuse me, ma'am, but this is the handicap seat,' but Rosa Parks was hardcore and didn't want to take any shit from any cracka, so she's all like, 'naw, bitch I's tired,' then the old lady's like, 'but I'm handicapped, I need this seat for my wheelchair,' but Rosa Parks still didn't budge, she then tells the other bitch how it is, 'you know what, ho? get to the back, I'm tired and I ain't movin' from mah seat.' Many years later, she married Martin Luther King Kong and had three kids."

"Wow, that was one touching story," Hikari sniffs as she wiped her eyes, "...but I still don't know the point of it all."

Kaname thought for a while, "...Being representative with Amane is like two dogs copulating, you're all having fun one moment but then you two get stuck for a while, miserable and hopeless until you finally break free from that Hell."

"Amane!" Hikari had remembered that the baked-looking trap still owes her a battle.

"Hot piss! She got away!" Kaname then grabs a walkie-talkie from her pocket, "Momomi, where the hell are you?"

It was obstructed by static, but Pigtail's message got through, "I'm at the vending machine! Fuuuuuux0rz..."

Kaname frowned at this, "What!? Then why in the fuck are you taking so long?"

"I wanted a Gatorade but it won't work and the thing ate like--fourteen dollars already!" Sounds of vending-machine-related struggles can be heard from the background.

"You, dipshit! Just get over here!"

"BITCH NO I'M FUCKING THIRSTY."

--

The ceremony was made of ass and poo as everyone used resurrection disks just to revive the dead participants. Shizuma grabbed Amane from the nape of her neck, and spat in the trap's face.

"You disappoint me."

Tamao and Nagisa were standing in the sidelines admiring the Shizuma's awesomeness.

"Damn, son. That is major win. Millions of SP fans just came themselves with that action alone," Nagisa comments on the display of epic win, "Amane's such a pussy, from what I've heard in a few online communities, and having Hikari like her adds more to the fail. Is that true, Tomato?"

"Speaking of Hikari..."

"She's not here?"

"No, no, one of the chicks in the crowd look like her."

Nagisa squints and cranes her neck to get a better view, "Oh yeah! I see her! LOLOLOL!"

Shizuma hits Amane in the face, "You are a failure! WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION!?"

"...Everything?"

"Exactly. Didn't you assign one of the operatives in the school to have a quick faggoty battle drive before you leave?"

"...Yeah, yeah."

Shizuma walks away, right after giving the trap a quick punch to the solar plexus. Amane collapses on the floor, "...Where's Hikari?"

Shion had already left to go have buttsecks with Chikaru, as was expected by horny fanfic writers. I still don't get it, but hey!

So now, Yaya's all like worried and shit that Amane might actually have the chance to live, so using her fallback-plan, she runs off to find Hikari. Maybe the blonde might have a chance at kicking Amane's ass in a children's video game which will deem the Aryan to be the Digiman Master evuuuuur.

--

Hikari ran as fast as she could, "If only they parodied Pokemon series instead, then I'd probably have a bike to ride on and shit."

She was running her head lowered in a charging position, so when she bumped into someone, it was considered a full-blown Zidane headbutt--which is unrivaled by anything. ANYTHING. Momomi was running her way, carrying a bottle of immigrant-imitation-PowerAde in her hands. Hey, better than nothing, amirite? Of course, as was expected, the Aryan runs into Pigtails causing the brunette to be K.O.'d.

Kaname was close behind Hikari, "Wait--you're not supposed to leave! I'm not finish milking my lolcow yet!"

Hikari had nowhere to run, she was practically cornered. So, using it as her last chance, she ran over the knocked out brunette.

--

Yaya was now browsing the forest, looking for Hikari.

"NIGGA WHARE U AT!?" Yaya screamed repeatedly.

She ceased walking when she found out that she had just stepped on a flash drive. It was the one that Hikari had, "Ha! She's close. Time to pull out that Poke-Radar."

--

Nothing was standing in her way of PWNing Amane in the face. Her shounen hero mannerisms were at Level 9008. But of course, she trips. LOL.

"Damn trees," she cursed.

Suddenly, darkness had loomed over her. It was Emo-haircut and Pigtails.

"Someone call the cops..." Kaname smirks, "Because this baby is about to get plowed."

"I don't see that as a bad thing, actually," the little Aryan girl mumbles to herself.

--

More people had wandered in the forest. This time, it's our local heroes, Tamao and Nagisa.

"Tomato, you sure we'll find a place to dump this thing?" Nagisa points to her Agumon, who was completely oblivious of what was going on.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah..." Tamao, obviously, had other intentions.

They were halted from walking any further when a scream rung out, "HIKARI--!!"

"...Should we? Is it the right thing to do?"

Tamao and Nagisa look at each other. Suddenly, they burst out laughing. There was no way in their morbid little souls that they would find the heart to help their horny Asian friend find her offensive Jew-hating butt-buddy. So, they went on, looking for a place to ditch Nagisa's Digiman.

--

Amane and the other participants were loading their equipment into the truck. the baked trap was hit with a flashback. It was Hikari. The girl was in tight clothes, which complimented her childish figure. There were leprechauns and unicorns gliding on rainbows in the background. Smoking pot must really be an adventure.

Hikari held a card with two fingers and put it in front of her face, she then slams it to the gaming table in an epic fashion, "IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!"

Breaking from her vision, Amane just laughed it off. But her great sense of asshole-ery forced her to wait for Hikari in order to embarrass the Aryan in front of millions of operatives. Thing is, she can't really go look for her since she had been confined to a wheelchair due to the lack of knee caps. Man, I can't fucking think straight.

--

"So, Hikari's missing..." Nagisa says to Yaya.

The black haired girl nods, "Yeah, we have to split up and search for her! Scooby-Doo style!"

"So that means," Tamao thought deeply, "You go and find Hikari alone... while me and Nagisa tag-team... but we're not going to be out looking out for Hikari, we'll be like... having sex and stuff."

Nagisa nods at her friend, "Yeah, Tomato's right--WAIT... WHAT?"

"No time to lose! Let's go Nagisa! Hikari needs Yaya's help!" Tamao grabs Nagisa's arm and drags her into the darkness.

Nagisa cried as she was sodomized, "Damn the magic of story-telling! Damn it to hell!"

--

Kaname already has Hikari in the cowgirl position, "I wanted to do this slowly, like 102 tempo, but... y'know, running away like that. Tsk tsk. That was quite rude. So now, you'll have to face the wrath of 232. MASSIVE RECTAL DAMAGE!"

Hikari looks down at Kaname, "Are you going to blab on as we do this because that's a real turn off. SRSLY."

In the sidelines, placing a video camera carefully on a tripod was Momomi, she then gently turned the camera to the desired-amateur-gay-porn-angle.

"Hey, how long will this take?" Hikari asks Pigtails.

She shakes her head and shrugs, "Usually 9 hours or so."

Hikari knew that with that, she would never be able to see Amane off, which means she won't be able to prove herself worthy to that son of a bitch, "DSFARGEG!"

Her scream was heard throughout the whole server.

Yaya turns around in response to the yell, "Hikari?!"

Tamao and Nagisa stop with their fandom-driven-buttsecks.

Amane had heard the scream too, "...Curse my morale," The trap began gathering the remaining strength she has to her upper body. And so, off she went with her wheelchair. Damn, with that speed, she could win the Special Olympics. I mean, she's special enough... like everyone else.

Meanwhile in the forest, Hikari tries to get up but Kaname has a firm grip on her legs. So, she tries to make an agreement, "WILL YOU JUST PUT IT IN ALREADY SO I CAN GO!?"

"No."

"Well, shit."

On the other side of the wood was Nagisa feeding quarters to the vending machines. She pushes the buttons but it just won't work. Because of mental retardation, she drops in more coins. As she was about to drop the 3274th quarter in, she was stopped as Amane had totally wheelchair'd herself towards the woods.

"lol cripple," Nagisa laughs to herself, she reverts her attention back at the vending machine, "GIVE ME THOSE FUCKING FRITOS ALREADY DAMN."

Back at t3h main point of the story...

Hikari was still struggling, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Kaname smiles, "From what I've learned 'No' means 'Yes' and 'Yes' means 'More'."

Momomi nods at the statement, "It's true you know. Also, it hurts less if you don't struggle."

But their buttsecks was interrupted when Amane arrived. She skids to a halt causing dirt to fly up towards the camera, "Kaname, it seems that I've gotten reports about you raping younger students."

"Ah, little rascals! I'm sorry, care-police. I will make sure to rape them harder next time so they don't call for you."

Amane grimaces at what was just said. She turns to Momomi, "Don't you care!?"

"As long as she asks for permission, it's all good."

"Oh..." she ponders on that for a bit then finally turning to Hikari, "I'm here to save you!"

The Aryan laughs at this, "Save me from what exactly?"

Kaname brushes herself off and motions over to Momomi, "How much of that did you get?"

Pigtails checks the video camera, "Crap, I forgot the disk."

--

Hikari was finally able to challenge Amane to t3h epic Asian battle drive.

"Go Patamon! With the power of friendship and mainstream faggotry, we can't lose!"

"lol n00b. AR-Veedramon."

"...DAMN IT! FAITH IN HUMANITY -1."

At the end, she lost. It's pretty stupid to face an ultimate-rank with a rookie. It's like suicide. Video-game-wise. So, since Hikari lost, she was forced to take the Rage virus data and input it into herself. This caused massive lulz as Hikari reverted to cannibalism and ate Nagisa--right there, in broad daylight. Everyone totally dyked out and broke out in massive panic. Hikari is to stay in that state for another 28 days.

--

Back in the dorms, Kaname was totally angsting about her massive failure of not being able to get footage of her TTLY RAEPING DAT HO to accompany the epic loli-copypasta she had just typed out. She didn't play the violin on her wrists though, instead, she took her anger out on random Korean players on RO. After getting banned for child luring, she decided to have robot buttsecks with Momomi instead.

"But I poop from there..."

"NOT TODAY YOU DON'T!"

And so major anal lulz were had.

--

Somewhere in the world, there is a collection of books. Perhaps it's in a dusty, unpainted shelf in the back corner of someone's attic, perhaps it's in a set of musty boxes in the basement of some tiny, obscure library. It contains a few hundred volumes, all handwritten, ranging from leather-bound volumes with yellowing pages two hundred years old through to modern spiral-bound notebooks. All of them are diaries, some by famous people, some by not-so famous people, but all by the most horrific madmen and murderers the world has ever known. And the collection is growing. For if you ever find it, you will hear a faint scratching sound, coming from the newest volume of the set. This volume will be new, and filled with blank pages, except for the first. On this first page, you will find the beginning of your own diary, written in your own hand. LOEV IS OVER. Find out next time on a new episode of... whatever this is called. 


	8. YAY FOR AIDS

Summer rain data was activated as it poured throughout the whole server. Here, we have Shizuma was in her greenhouse bad on acid. Or something. I don't know. I'm tired, dude. She looks up to see the pixilated water hit the roof while she replenished InS-types with water data, or vermiculite... something something something.

"Dag, yo," Shizuma looks down at her hands, covered in splinters and manure, "I thought it would be cool being Etoile. But here I am doing jobs that should've been done by some immigrant or something."

Outside the greenhouse, in the rain-covered shithole that is Astraea, there was a loli standing underneath a tree for cover. She looks baked. Bad. I really want whatever she's smoking.

The silver-haired rep put down the watering can and sighs. She then takes out a jar of jenkem and afterwards, she was on her way to happy land, where rainbow unicorns are in war with their mortal enemy, your brain cells. Yeah. While in that state, Shizuma was IDEA'd, "...O shi--we should totally activate that X-virus thing for no apparent reason! Genius!"

--Hydrangeas--

At the paddocks, Amane was still training despite the rain. Stupid faggot, I hope she dies of influenza.

Okay, okay, so we're back to that loli underneath that one tree. She appeared to be a Gold Hawk operative. Her visor covered half her face, so only half of her kawaii animu eyes were visible. Small blonde hair poked through the sides and various openings.

A small brown bear, donning its signature blue cap and straps, tugs on its owner's sleeve, "Can't we just run already? I'm cold, hungry, and I have to poop."

"Bearmon," She looks over to her loyal companion, "my therapist says your not real."

"Tell her your virtual pet made by some money-driven Japanese company said she's a smelly prostitute with a drinking problem," Bearmon snaps at her.

--

In the library domain, there were at least 100 lolis checking out books. Or other girls. Whatever floats your failboat. LOLOL Newayz, the porno section was cleaned out, as well as the women's lib section. Apparently, copy-pasta-ing the files could not be done due to a certain html code and if someone altered said code, they will have their ovaries dissolved and their guts turned into snakes.

Someone drops a huge amount of reading material on top of one of the librarians' tables, "I'd like to check these out."

Oh lawd. Chiyo is one of the librarians. She looks at the massive pile of CP and shit and responds to the familiar voice, "Dude, you can only borrow two dox at time..." she pauses as soon as she recognized who it was she was speaking to, "Nagisa-oneekonnichisamadechu?"

Nagisa became irritated, "Hurry up. 'Bathroom time' is in 3 minutes!"

"Okay, okay D: Geez, man," Chiyo attempts to calm the angry ginger down, "Where's your I.D. card?"

Nagisa sticks her hands in her pocket and grabs something out, "I have my Green-Card if you want it..."

Chiyo just shrugs and takes the green card from Nagisa's hand, "I stopped caring when my parents sent me here."

Turning around, Nagisa looks through the windows, examining the rain. She then thought about girls washed wet by the rain thus allowing their clothes to become semi-transparent. Such a realistic-fantasy made this ginger very happy.

"Man, it's raining like a motherfucker out there ain't it?" Chiyo remarks, "The CP'll get corrupted. Why don't you borrow an umbrella? It's not very 'digital' but, y'know."

"Depends, will such a device lead me to wacky adventures involving different characters and whatnots?" Nagisa asks.

"Hey, dawg. This is Strawberry Panic; those characters'll have to eventually be introduced anyway. And as main character, it's your duty and stuff. I think. Yeah."

"Dude," Nagisa taps Chiyo on the shoulder and points to the long-ass line behind her, "I'm not the type that likes getting mugged in libraries, so you know, hurry the hell up, por favor."

"Assballs!" Chiyo hands Nagisa her files as well as an umbrella.

--

Back outside, the loli was still sitting there, underneath the huge tree with her Digiman, in the rain.

Bearmon shudders and starts rubbing its paws on its shoulders to warm up a bit, "Chief, I'm cold..."

The blonde loli looks up, a saddened expression on her face, "Not as cold as my angst-ridden 13-year-old-ass-pie heart :C "

Her Digiman raises an eyebrow, "...Okay..."

With an umbrella in hand, Nagisa was walking to her dorm. As she was sauntering back, she notices the loli. The young girl was currently lighting bundles of cigarettes and smoking them one by one to obtain a bit of warmth. Her Digiman was doing the same. Puff, after puff, after cough, after puff, the loli just stood there. Of course, seeing as how she was currently alone with a loli that apparently doesn't care about age-limits, she ran up towards the young'in.

"Hey there, little girl," she grins at the loli, "I've got some candy in my pocket, so if you want, we could go back to my room and warm up together."

The girl gives her a blank stare, which took about a minute or so, as she thought about what to do. She then turns around to her Digiman and then back to Nagisa, "Can you tell me if it exists?"

"LOL WHAT?"

The loli points to her companion, "My Digimon."

Nagisa gave her an annoyed look, "...Yes. I can see the little fucker right there."

"Oh, then I can't go with you. We won't have room for it."

The ginger's head meets the tree. She slammed it about three times. Finally, after that small barrage of bruising, she turns to the blondie, "Geez... you know what? Nevermind." And so, Nagisa continues with her walk back.

"Don't let her get away!" Bearmon yells. The bear than rushes towards Nagisa and gives her a spine-cracking head butt. This caused the ginger to fall down... into a small coma. Bearmon grabs the umbrella out of the ginger's hand and waddles back to its master, leaving Nagisa there on the ground, knocked out.

Panicking, the young girl looks to her Digiman, "...Wha...What the hell, man!? I thought you weren't going to do that anymore!"

"Just take it! We don't have time!" The fuzzy creature thrusts the umbrella in front of the small tamer.

The loli begins looking around fearfully, "Aw, geez, now we have to seriously get the fuck out of here..."

She grabs a rock and hits Nagisa over the head with it, just to make sure that the ginger was knocked out. She opens up the umbrella over her head and begins running like a mad bitch with her Digiman. Quarantine was not an option this time. As they ran, Nagisa was on the floor, bleeding like crazy, perhaps losing about 2 liters of blood by the minute. The rain caused the blood to spread throughout the street as well as corrupt some of Nagisa's files.

Blondie kept up her pace, running in the rain, "I seriously have to degenerate you again... you're fucking insane," She glares at her Digiman. She was usually quiet but you know... This is a fanfic and I like to fuck things up for the lulz.

--

At the dorms, Nagisa was explaining her epic story of survival.

"So I was all like coping a feel, yeah? Then the kid was all like, about to get off, yeah? But then suddenly, this bear thing starts attacking me, so I like, grab my umbrella and start swinging it like my holy broad sword! Then I went Rising Phoenix on its ass! Dude! Massive damage, seriously! It was fucking insane, I swear. The kid was now all like, 'help! I need something in my shorts right now!' So, I answered that call and ran up to her, y'know? To relieve her troubles and shit. But I was still battling that crazy-ass thing. Tomato, I swear, it was like at least 6-feet tall! I fucking shat my pants. As I was about to give him a last taste of my sword--something went completely gay. Not the good kind, though! I was almost going to win but then it uses its lazer on me, so I'm like, 'no bitch wtf r u firin dat shit for!?' and then I collapse. So, yeah, that's pretty much what happened. Accuracy at 99.9. I lost my umbrella but at least not my files."

"If you brought me with you, boss," Agumon began, "I could've fought it off!"

"Why would I bring you with me, retard? And besides, you've never fought so your arms must be tender... like meat from baby calves that are kept in the dark with their blindness and restricted movement. Reminds me, I'm hungry. I'd kill for some veal. In fact, can we go kill some calves, Tomato?"

Tamao pulls her hands out of her pants and looks away from her laptop, "You just lost a lot of blood and it amazes me how you're able to talk like that."

"It's anime."

The blue haired perv chuckles, "Oh yes. How could I forget," she sets down her Apple P-P-P-PowerBooks for a bit, "Did you at least get the girl's name?"

Nagisa frowns at her failure, "You know how I like spontaneity, Tomato. Also, we have Digimanz, not Pokiemanz, if we had Pokiemanz, I could've just used a Pokedex to identify the kid. But we don't, thus resulting in failure; I didn't get her name," she sighs, "Now I can't return the damn umbrella and the library'll probably start calling me every fucking day past the due date. What should I do? I don't have a spare, or any money... uh, bits, I forget."

Tamao grins at her chance, "Why don't we use my super-sexy-special-awesome umbrella?"

"What makes it so super-sexy-special-awesome?" Nagisa asks.

"It has... special... gadgets... and stuff... yeah."

--

The sky was painted by a rainbow. In other words, shitty photoshopping. Probably used the rainbow gradients, plus dodge/burn, and of course--LENS FLARE! Tamao was walking down the path towards the base. She looks very disappointed for some reason. Probably got anal-beads stuck in her ass or something. Things like that always make people sad :(

"G'morning, faggot!" Nagisa waves at her sullen friend.

Tamao simply grunts.

"D'aww? Emo much? Crawlinginmyskinthesewoundstheywillnotheal? Did you fail another quest? Killed a client? Found out that Pokiemanz are better than shitty Digimanz?" Nagisa gives her buddy a pat on the back, "Don't worry, failing in life should be normal for people here, right?"

"Well, I have a report due tomorrow and I don't know anything to write about..."

"Why don't you publish my loli story! I'm sure those pedophiles n your club likes shit like that? Right? Right!? Answer me! I'm female and I need constant attention! BLARGH! Now I shall bitch at you! BITCHBITCHBITCH!"

Tamao looks down at the ground, "The weathergirl was wrong about today."

"The only reason you should be watching the weathergirl is to look down at her tits. I hear she's an idiot. God knows how she got into that job D:"

Her blue haired butt-buddy continued with her angsting as Nagisa continued with her... being Nagisa.

--

Douze heur quinze. Past midday.

"Isn't that chick over there Kagome?"

"I don't know, dude. Every anime character looks the same to me."

The blonde loli was sitting underneath the tree, along with her Digiman. I don't know why she would return to the scene of the crime. Must be an asspie thing. She looked pretty solemn, as usual. Maybe it's that time of the month? Is she old enough for that? Perhaps.

"Rise, young mortal!"

Kagome, who should be named Soda, looks up and finds Kizuna, who should've seriously been named Rime, and Remon. Though, this time they were in uniform, not their shitty Star Craft cosplay shit.

Remon scratches her head, "I don't know... she kinda looks too plain for me..."

"All women are beautiful inside!" Kizuna exclaims as she slaps Remon upside the head.

"Not really, I've been inside a woman before. It wasn't as pretty as I expected it to be."

"Shouldn't we be talking to Kagome right now?"

"Who?"

Kizuna goes up to Kagome and squats next to her, "What are you waiting for, Kagome?"

"Who says I was waiting for someone?" the girl replies.

"How much for an hour?" Remon asks.

Ginger numero deux nudges her friend, "Geez, don't make it so obvious!" she turns back to Kagome, "a/s/l?"

"It wasn't my fault, it was him! I swear on my deceased mother's life," Kagome points to her Tamagotchi rip-off.

Bearmon just stood there, looking malnourished... like Ethiopian kids or something.

"I'm not into bestiality, retard," Remon grimaces, "How about 100 bits per hour? Nah, too pricy, 12 bits per hour? 5 bits per hour? expired cottage cheese per hour?"

Kizuna was staring at the Digiman, "Ah I see now," she looks at the confused-as-hell Remon, "Apparently, they had just found a a fault at Amigara mountain where there were human-shaped holes, yah? So Kagome here became tempted to enter 'her' hole, as there was a human-shaped hole shaped like her, yah? But she finds this other chick and is all like, 'lol i luff u n shit' and they like, do it because she thought that might lower her interest in the holes. Like, later on, despite the steamy buttsecks she enters her hole and goes, 'this hole was made for me' and several months later, she comes out through the other side and became this mutated anorexic thing that looks vaguely like Perez Hilton. DRR DRR DRR."

"...I didn't even say anything," Bearmon says to the insane retard staring at it, "Chief, I'm scared D:"

The meganekko settles herself on top her her ginger buddy, "Kizuna, your hole was made for me."

--

For some weird-ass reason, they send Kagome to Chikaru. Isn't that child endangerment? Seriously, that's pretty fucked up. They're like, using Chikaru as some sort of psychologist dude to interpret why Kagome was sitting underneath the tree like the little loner that she is. Why don't they just leave her alone? If I were the kid, I'd be all like, 'GTFO, yo. gb2/yourmother'svagina/' As always, I don't know what's going on. I only had three hours of sleep, so bear with me here.

Chikaru was TTLY IN KAGOME'S FACE, asking the girl questions, "What did you do with the body!?"

Kagome was strapped to a small, broken, wooden chair which caused her back to become splintered, "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Bullshit!" Chikaru spits on Kagome's face. She grabs her cigarette from her mouth and burns Kagome in the eye with it, "Answer me, you little piece of shit."

"I didn't do anything! It was the bear, man. Seriously, I'm not lying!" Kagome had begun to cry.

For being a little pussy, Chikaru slaps her in the face, quite harshly, I might add, "You just told me you didn't know what I was talking about. Lying, motherfucker," she walks up to the virtual pet and grabs it by the scruff of its neck, "Do you want to be sent off to the mainframe!?"

"Please, sir. I am but a Digimon," Bearmon pleads, fear was washed upon its whole body, "besides, I only followed my tamer's orders."

"What!? I didn't even tell you anything! You just rushed in and went berserk on the chick!" Kagome shouts to her Digitchi.

Hours later, Kagome had become bruised all over. There were plentiful signs of rape. Chikaru and her loliyuri harem had abused the shit out of the younger girl. Regardless of all the brutality, Kagome hadn't said anything that would lead them to whomever she attacked as whenever she was asked a question, she would redirect it to her Digiman.

Chikaru had lost all her patience throughout the whole session, "Damn, we're not getting anywhere!"

"Maybe we should rape her again," Remon offers, "just to see if she'll tell us anything."

Kizuna raises her hand in agreement, "Majority wins! It's rape time!"

"No," Chikaru shook her head, "that kinda gets boring after a while."

Kagome sighs in relief after hearing Chikaru. The older girl then unties her from the chair. The loli collapses to the floor, facedown. She was fatigued and numb all over. Chikaru waltzes towards her table and flips the switch on her neon sign from 'STUDENT COUNCIL' to 'COSPLAY CLUB' to 'NO FUCKING CUSSING CLUB' to 'TITTY CLUB' and finally to 'LESBIAN TEEN GIRL SQUAD.'

"We finally have enough members to do this, u gaiz!1!one!1" Chikaru squeals euphorically, "I'll be Lesbian Cheerleader since I'm leader," she points to herself, "Also, I have an Agumon. Savers version, nonetheless! Leader points times 9001!"

"What the hell does this have to do with anything!?" Remon yells to Chikaru.

"Kizuna can be Lesbian So and So and Kagome can be What's her Lesbian Face," Chikaru then smirks at Remon, "For your unexcused comment; just for that, you can be--The Ugly Lesbian One!"

Remon goes FACEPALM, "Dude, we look the same sans hair. That's like calling yourself ugly too."

Chikaru smiles, "Oh, I just don't like you. Or your hair."

"Curses!" The green haired 'tard shouts. A few seconds later, she was ARROW'd :O.

"You know, this really has nothing to do with anything, especially considering the situation I'm currently in... this just means that all that child abuse was all for nothing," Kagome weakly speaks up.

"Nobody cares!" Chikaru then puts on an Elephant hat, tag still attached, "Now let's go attract cute lesbians!"

Kizuna piped up, "w00t! Good idea! Maybe the girl Kagome attacked will show up! And maybe I can scorex0rz with her, yah!"

"That idea... it's... SO GOOD!" Chikaru says, awe-struck.

"Your elephant hat's not though," Remon says.

"I think it looks hella tight," Chikaru replies, "Now it's time to take MySpace pictures!"

So take MySpazz pictures they did. There were tons of Fat-Girl-Angle-Shots that didn't really work out for them since they were pro-Ana. They also took pictures of the umbrella Bearmon and Kagome had stolen for data. In one of them, they had accidentally taken a picture of a flying Marlon Brando head.

"Now that that's all done," Chikaru stars scribbling on the board, "Let's send these pictures out to attract cute lesbian chicks! Get ready to get laid, girls!"

"Hooray!" Both Kizuna and Remon cheers.

"Can I go home now?" Kagome asks.

"Haha, Chikaru laughs, "Of course not."

"Shit."

And so off they went. What crazy adventures will they get themselves into this time? Oh ho ho, the suspense is humping my ear and raping my brain! We shall be finding out soon! Next time, on the next paragraph! Or phrase... sentence... page break... Yeah.

--

At the library, Chikaru was currently harassing the librarian for not being lesbian enough to go into an orgy with her and the rest of her loliyuri harem, this time, including Kagome. They were forcing the librarian into super-happy-fun tiemz with them, but are currently failing. Like EFG, except more so.

"How about now?"

"I told you, no," the librarian replies.

Chikaru puffs out her cheeks, "But I'm made of win and awesome! The internet told me so!"

"Why are you here?"

"We're looking for lolis!" Remon answers, "Do YOU know any other loli librarians? Hm? Ones that are willing to spread their legs out for us? HMMM!?"

"...Check the librarian staff listing? Common Sense pl0z."

Chikaru grabs her loliyuri harem and they run out the door. Disregarding anyone or anything that comes into their path. This includes trees and lamp posts among other things.

"That's at the Black Sword guild!" Chikaru howls, "Come my children! Off we shall go!"

--

The sky was darker than Latoya Jackson that day. A single ripple had formed in the lake. It had started to rain pretty fast. Soon enough, the pavement was stained with water data. There was massive panic. Operatives ran to shelter, especially ones that donned fire-based Digimanz. The roads were covered in rainbow arrays of umbrellas. Apparently, a small amount of the X-virus was deadly present in the rain. Chikaru and her loliyuri harem were lucky to have made it to the Black Sword guild in time.

"Haha! It's raining," Remon laughs, "Does this mean we get to check out the wet chicks and make them even more wet, Chikaru?"

"No, this means we have to hurry. I can't have Agumon out here," Chikaru glances at her Digiman.

Agumon says, with a toothy smile, "D'aww, so you do care :D"

"Nah, I just don't like to hear you bitch."

"Oh yeah, we have fire-based Digimanz..." Kizuna frowns at her Digiman, "God damn it, Coronamon, why can't you have evolved into a Blastoise or something!?"

"1010101LOL1010101101000101, asshole," her orange, ginger faggot, Digiman replies.

"Why don't you just call them back into the digivices or something?" Remons asks, "That's what I did with that Leorman thing, so I won't have to hear it bitch or bask in the embarrassment of having it turn into a famous furfag icon."

Chikaru shakes her head, "Because I look cool with this thing walking around with me."

"Can I seriously go home now?" Kagome begs Chikaru, "Everything is damn irrelevant to the story."

"lol no. Not until we find whoever you attacked and offer your soul to her," with that, Chikaru was happier than Jim Nabors with a wheelbarrow full of buttholes, "Besides there isn't even a story!"

"To the staff room!" Kizuna broke into a run.

Remon follows her butt-buddy, "To the room where there are older women with ginormous balloon titties!"

As they disappeared, it was like... coincidence that Nagisa had just stepped out to the place where they were. God damn cliches need to die in a fire. She had brought HER Digiman along with her.

"Are you bringing me as protection boss? If that giant pedobear will come back and attack you or something?" Agumon asks Nagisa.

Nagisa puts a leash around her Digiman and ties it to a nearby post, "Stay here. Don't move or I will rip out your organs with my bare hands, okay?"

The rain was dripping on her Digiman's head. This caused the yellow dinosaur to squirm, "It's dangerous out here! I hear this rain has traces of the X-virus! I don't want to get deleted, boss!"

"I don't... really care," Nagisa looks up at the rain, "I have to get something for Tomato, aight? I'll be back in an hour or so."

The ginger searches around in her item pack for an umbrella, but no avail. She just remembered that she was mugged and her umbrella had been stolen. But, she didn't want to stay another minute with the little yellow turd, so she ran out in the rain instead. As she was running like a down syndrome retard in the special olympics, somebody had put their leg out, causing her to trip.

Irate and covered in mud data, Nagisa brushed herself off and started yelling, "Damn, who be da muhfugga dat did dis shit?"

"lol 'sup baiyb," It was Shizuma. She pats Nagisa on the head, "Looks like someone got PWN'd."

"Oh, it's just you," Nagisa was rather disappointed that their black uniforms couldn't be made transparent with the rain, so basically, no boobs for this ginger kid, "So... are you going to share that umbrella or what?"

"Not unless you let me ride that magic carpet of yours," Shizuma offers.

"Sure, dawg. Why the hell not?"

Tamao had caught site of this through her window. She was rather sad that she couldn't go with Nagisa and that the ginger had been stolen away from her. So, as a consolation prize, she logged into the internet and went on an E-rampage by milking lolcows and posting porn in child friendly websites. Thankfully, the lulz had eased her suffering. Agumon was still left outside in the rain, plagued by hunger pangs.

--

"Are you done yet, Amane? Why don't you make like Christopher Reeve already?" One of the girls from the Bashutsubu club asks the blue haired fag.  
"No. I'll still be training," she climbs on her Raidramon, "You see, I want to prove to that Harikiri chick that I'm not the type of person to lose to a Rookie that easily and resort to making fucking snuff films with dogs in my dad's basement."

"WHAT."

A few hours later, Amane caught a deadly form of influenza as well as contracting 50 different types of STDs. The internet came.

--

Hikari and Yaya were running like the little cunts they are as they didn't have an umbrella. As they ran, some of their data had become wiped out. Especially Hikari's as she didn't have a Digiman with the X-Antivirus like Yaya for the latter was apparently made of win. This is the equivalent to losing your brain cells. Then again, I'm not sure they have any brain cells to begin with.

"Let's go to the church," Yaya offers.

"What? Are you serious, foo? It's Wednesday, why would I do that!?"

"STFU. We're going anyway."

Upon their arrival, they find that the church was empty. This should be pretty self-explanatory. It's CHURCH, for fuck's sakes. Anyway, the two crumpled away in the pews, exhausted or whacked.

Upon laying her holy ass on the seat, Hikari began complaining, "Man, I'm fucking cold... damn liberals... and Jews... and... stuff. It even hurts to think about those assholes..."

Yaya folds her hands behind her head and relaxes herself, "Why don't you think about things you love instead? Ovens?"

"The gas bill."

"Gay Pride Parades?"

"Causes traffic."

"Nagisa and Tamao?"

"Losers."

"What about Amane?"

"The chick I lost to.

"Your Patamon?"

"The pussy-ass Digimon I lost with."

"Hey, how about that awesomely sexually sexified Yaya chick?"

"The chick who made me think about losing," Hikari flops down on her seat, "It's no use! My teenage angst is keeping me from feeling happy! I feel like Person Man. Oh, and I have this sudden urge to go to Rally's... or Sonic Burger... or Farmer Boys... or whatever the hell we have here."

Yaya rubs her temples, "The rain doesn't seem like it would stop soon... Wanna go borrow an umbrella at the library?"

"Haha, yeah!" Hikari smiles, "So that by the time we get there the rain would've stopped and I'd have lost all my data! GENIUS PLAN, YAYA."

The black haired girl just shrugs and walks out the corridors, "You can stay here if you want."

"No, don't leave me here D: I don't want to end up like those characters from Fuan no Tane! I don't want Vagina-Face to get me here," The Aryan grips tightly at her friend's uniform.

Luckily, as the two walked out into the rain, which seemed to have degraded back into a slight drizzle instead of Hurricane Katrina. They arrive at the library, safe albeit wet. Yaya walks towards the librarian and asks if she could borrow a spare umbrella. The librarian agreed to this but unfortunately for Hikari and Yaya, only one-person umbrellas were left. So, they just dealt with it and grabbed one of the rain-shields. But, the one they had grabbed was the one that Kagome had stolen from Nagisa. Oohh, is dis sum suspense we have here? Hmm? Nah, just more bullshit to deal with.

--

Nagisa and Shizuma were walking together, underneath the same red umbrella. Hitomi and Mizuho, two of the care police, as well as Shizuma's colleagues, were close behind. Just to make sure that the ginger doesn't just ups and attacks the rep. They were halted in their steps when they ran across Hikari and Yaya, the two cramped underneath their small umbrella.

"What a coincidence! It looks like my umbrella!" Nagisa points to Hikari and Yaya, "Man, they look tight under there."

"OH! That was a good one," Shizuma laughs, "But you know, the umbrella we have here is a little too big... grabbing some ass would be a little too implied."

"What was that last part?"

"You heard nothing."

--

"Daah! Geez! You're tracking mud on the floor! Yaya, you fucktarded bimbo na no," Tsubomi was waiting outside Hikari and Yaya's rooms. She offers them towels to dry themselves off. Well, she offered Hikari a towel, she just gave Yaya a box of used tissues.

Yaya protests, "Hey, Hikari tracked mud in here too!"

"Hikari doesn't count na no," Tsubomi snorts.

"Oh, Tsukkomi," Hikari grins at the pink haired loli, "You're not the Jew I thought you were. GJ."

Tsubomi blushes and twiddles her fingers, "Does this mean I can get some na no?"

"No lol :D" Hikari walks into her room for further dry-ization.

"That's because nobody cares about you, Tsundere," says Yaya, rather smugly.

"It's Tsubomi na no," the loli corrects her.

"Whatever, Tsukakke," Yaya then follows Hikari into the room and shuts the door, "Ready for some awesomely hot shower sex!?"

Hikari cheers, "Hooray! Whore Ray! Shoop!"

Tsubomi frowns and runs up to the door and subtly knocks on it, "I want awesomely hot shower sex too na no!"

From inside the door, Yaya answered the loli's hormonal plea, "Like, I said, nobody cares about you, Tsukemono."

So Tsubomi was left outside to think about the buttsecks instead of take part in it. Isn't this how every nerd feels? The reason why they watch shitty harem shows? D'aww, how sad. This must be why they're always grouped together so they can support each other... to not queef and stuff.

--

In the library, Chikaru and her loliyuri harem were still monkeying around. They 'investigated' every loli in the place as well as stealing a few important creepypastas. They also went on random rampages by tearing down files and putting said files in different folders. This made the librarians more pissed off than a prostitute trying to put a condom on an epileptic.

Kagome walked up towards the librarian's table and looks around, "Damn, where'd the umbrella go?"

"Damn, where'd my sock go?" Kizuna prods at her naked left foot.

Chikaru, covered in a white blanket that had a point on the top, ran up to her, "It's a mystery."

"LOLOLOLOL. HALP SHE AM HIT BY BULLETS!" Remon got one of the spare umbrellas and used it as a pretend-rifle and 'fired' it at Kagome, "Ratatatatatatatatatatatatatata Shiney Pidgey," somewhere in the distance, Tamao could be heard screaming.

"Anyone know where the ball pit is?" Ginger faggot Kizuna asks, "Maybe I left my sock in the ball pit."

"Remember, this is Strawberry Panic," Remon smirks, "It's more like clit pit."

"Seriously though, someone took the umbrella," Kagome says in perfect monotone.

Chikaru got out of the white sheet, "We left an umbrella here?"

The green haired lesbian glares at the loli, "Kagome probably stole it again."

"Nuh-uh! I didn't take it!"

"Tell me, miss fucking hot animu librarian!" Chikaru motions over to the librarian, "Do you know if anyone might have borrowed the umbrella? The bluish one we left here?"

"The one with the mayonnaise all over it?" The librarian thinks for a bit, "Well, no, not really."

"Damn," Chikaru shakes her head side to side in disapproval, "you guys should have one of those check-in things or something."

Remon looks at her watch and tugs Chikaru's shirt, "It's almost time for our curfew."

"Hey, babe, you look young enough. Wanna go with me?" Their black haired leader says to the librarian, "You can count on me. I'm usually in bed by seven and home by eleven."

The loli librarian's eye twitches, "...What."

--

In the dorms, Nagisa, Tamao, Hikari and Yaya were having and illegal moshing party. Again. They had put sound buffers around the room to ensure that the admins and mods won't catch them like last time. Though, being the dumbasses that they are, they had bought in sound equalizers instead and cranked up the bass, making everything they say or do be heard throughout the whole guild. This caused the building's principal post to be weakened as well as thousands of operatives become diagnosed with heart murmurs. The four were infamous now throughout the whole school and everything they did... everybody pretty much stopped caring. Newayz, they continued with their moshing party while having the HXC song play as mood music. Though, the moshing had escalated into some sort of fight instead.

Nagisa attempts to take a jab at Hikari, "This is what you get for wearing Chuck Norris pajamas!"

Hikari intercepts her punch and counters with a bite to the arm but her attack was cut short as Nagisa pushed her towards the wall. Yaya and Tamao were in the sidelines cheering as well as looking for chances to grab some ass or boob.

"O lawd, seeing two chicks duke it out always relaxes me," Yaya mentions to Tamao.

The blue haired girl nods, "lolololo i no rite?"

"Yeah, it's kinda like E. But less illegal."

The ginger was going in for a perfect shove right up until the Aryan grabs her foot and trips her. Now, Nagisa was really pissed. So, she grabs a chair and smashes it down on Hikari's back. With that attack, the blonde was paralyzed for a short amount of time, just enough for Nagisa to weaken her with kicks in the stomach. The night went on, Hikari and Nagisa were still quarreling like retards fighting over a Crunch bar, and the rain was still pouring like a mad motherfucker. Soon enough, everyone calmed down and passed around their fully rolled joints.

"Some punk-ass bitch stole my damn umbrella..." Nagisa yawns.

As baked as she was, Yaya managed to construct a sentence, "Was she black?"

Tamao rests her head on the small coffee table, "This coffee table would look good inside--"

"Your anus," Hikari finishes Pokemon Blue's sentence, "Yeah. Inside you guys' anuses. Coffee tables. Damn, I hate the rain."

"Aww," Yaya toddles over to Hikari, "Is 'not being able to see Amane' boiling your piss?"

"STFU!" Hikari was overcome with more mood swings than a bipolar bear. She then points accusingly at Tamao and Nagisa, "And you two! GTFO my room! O shi--I'm sorry, that was pretty rude... damn why am I such a pussy!? Jesus fucking hates me you guys. I swear... seriously though, get the hell out of my room. It's like four in the fucking morning. Get out."

Tamao grabs Nagisa and helps her up, "Hey, whatever to your Digimon?"

"...Oh, dude," Nagisa slurs, "Fuck, man, I think it's still outside..."

"Let's go get it," Tamao's voice was as wobbly as smeared shit, "I don't want PETA protesting outside my fucking room especially when I've just woken up in the morning looking like cheap ass. Blah blah blah mortal kombat blah blah blah scoliosis. Blah."

"Haha, yeah, it's probably dead by now or mainframes... fucking virtual pets never made sense."

"I hope you find the nigga who stole your umbrella," Yaya opens the door for the two and sees them off.

Unbeknownst to Nagisa, the umbrella she was SEAKING was actually inside Yaya and Hikari's bathroom. FUCK YEAH, UMBRELLA. Lololol, so the two like reach to where Nagisa had left her Tamagotchi thing. Though, it was nowhere to be found, instead, on the leash, there was something else. It was a yellow creature, but, with a white belly and blue stripes all over its body.

"O shi--Pikachu!?" Nagisa exclaimed, starry-animu-eyed, "Yes! Santa Claus answered my post cards!"

The soaked little creature immediately turns around, much to Nagisa's dismay, "Boss! Look! I slide-digi--"

"...Aaaahh, fuck," The ginger slides her palm down her face, "What the hell... why aren't you dead yet?"

Tamao examines Agumon more closely, "Oh, it seems that it had an X Antivirus inside it all along! The rain must've activ--"

"Please, shut up," in refusal, Nagisa walked away. It was clear that God likes screwing her over and now she has no choice but to kill herself. But she can't since she's like main character and shit. So, basically, she doesn't have any options. LOOOOL.

--

With umbrellas in the hue of their respective hair colours, Chikaru and her Gold Hawk ass-monkeys were still trying to find out where the umbrella could be. Also, they were in their uber 1337 LESBIAN TEEN GIRL SQUAD mode, so fucktardedness is pretty high here.

"Hey, girls, how ya lookin'?" Chikaru asks.

"SO GOOD," Kizuna and Remon shouts in response

"Okay. I mean," Kagome corrected herself, "SO GOOD. Yeah, good."

Chikaru snaps her fingers, "We still have to find that umbrella!"

"YEAH!"

The blonde loli sighs to herself, "Why didn't I just stay in today...?"

--

It was the day Tamao and Nagisa were going to be returning their borrowed files. Nagisa already had her item pack filled up to the max. Tamao was still in the room gathering her files.

"Tomato, hurry your ass up!" She yells at the door.

"I'm comin' nigga."

Tamao knew that Nagisa still didn't have her umbrella, so this was the perfect oppurtinity for her to share hers and finally grab herself some boob. This was the only reason she loved rainy days. This should be the only reason to love rainy days. Everything else about it is shitty. She then hurries downstairs only to find that Nagisa had opted to go with Chiyo instead. This left Tamao rather pissed.

"Sorry, Tomato," Nagisa apologizes to her buttbuddy, "You were taking too long."

"fux0rz."

Chiyo and Nagisa walked the roads, with Tamao following close behind.

"So you still haven't found your umbrella?" Chiyo asks.

"That's the reason I'm borrowing yours, you little hairy cunt feltcher."

Behind them, Tamao was cursing to herself, "Chiyo, I hope Mr. Newt gets you in your sleep. Oh, and hell dogs. Nothing's ever complete without hell dogs. Yeah."

--

Chikaru and her loliyuri harem were having another useless club meeting.

"The square represents me, see? And the circle is you," Chikaru was scribbling on her whiteboard, "You stay in the house all day waiting for me to come home from work," she doodled a badly drawn car underneath the square, "You really don't do anything unless it's cleaning or making me dinner."

The lolis nod in response.

"Anyway, we go to this..." she doodles a vertically stanced rectangle, " ...to a cheap motel! Where our aerated crotches will join in harmony. And now, my friends..." she puts down her marker tool, "you have just been laid."

Remon smiles contently, "Getting laid feels nice..."

Kizuna raises her hand, "So... that's us right? Right there? Yah?"

"Yes," Chikaru takes a pointer and circles it around her doodles, "take note of the placement of the couch and spatula."

"Isn't today the return date for all the files...?" Kagome meekly asks.

"Oh yeah, huh," Chikaru saved her sex-ed work, closed the program and ran to the door, "We still have some soul offering to do!"

--

Three of Blue Falcon operatives were chattering away in the rain. Their chats moved from getting sad when eating to eating because of getting sad. Basically, everyday chick-talk.

"Are you guys going to Girl Quest '07 next week?" Yaya was splashing about, not because she was happy, but because she wanted to piss off Tsubomi.

Tsubomi frowns, "I think I'll pass na no. We have choir practice remember!?"

"Everyone, shut up!" Hikari yells, "let's just go to the library, get this over with, and so that THEN you guys can leave me alone and bitch elsewhere. How about that?"

--

Elsewhere, specifically Black Sword's entrance...

Nagisa was struggling under Tamao's tight grip, "Let go of me, damn it!"

"Never! We must walk in the rain together!"

"Nooooooo!!"

--

Behind the playlists, one of each of Chikaru's loliyuri harem were hiding. They were obviously waiting for... you know, that chick... the one they're looking for. Chiyo was the librarian for the day, she was a little annoyed with the girls hiding around the place while wearing army uniforms.

"Get ready for the attack," Chikaru spoke into her walkie-talkie.

The corridor opened only to reveal Hikari and her gang of gangbangers, Yaya and Tsubomi. Outside, a few feet from the library were Nagisa and Tamao arguing about late fees and other whatnots that Nagisa had failed to fulfill as main character. The two step inside, right when Hikari brought out the blue umbrella the Gold Hawk retards were looking for.

"O shi--" Chiyo remarks upon catching sight of the umbrella.

Chikaru runs out of her hiding place, carrying a luger pistol and firing it at the girls, "NO ONE CAN ESCAPE."

"ESCAPE IS FUTILE," Remon destroyed the newspaper she was reading with a barrage of bullets from a HK portable machine gun.

"WHO'S UP FOR CRABS?" Kizuna fired her giant bazooka, only to be blown away from the impact and collide into a nearby wall.

"What the fuck--you're ruining the library!" Chiyo cries, "Our pisspoor school can't fucking afford all this damage!"

Kagome walks out of her hiding spot, quietly, unlike her associates. She grabs the umbrella out of Hikari's hand, rather violently, and throws it to Nagisa in an epic fashion. Nagisa manages to catch the umbrella. She then looks to the loli who was currently lighting another cigarette. The blonde walks up to her and bows, "Byakudan Kagome."

"So you're the little fucker that stole my umbrella? Ha, to think I was going to waste bits buying another one."

"Don't I get a thank you? You know, some reassurance? I may have stole it, or so, but I did return it--"

Suddenly, there were sounds of heads getting bonked. Chikaru was carrying a giant metal frying pan in her hand and was currently whacking the shit out of the girls. She rushed towards Nagisa and hits her across the face, causing the ginger to fall from the collision.

"Chikaru! What are you doing?" Kagome's eyes were filled with fear as Chikaru closed in on her. The pedophile raises her weapon high right until she slams it down on the young girl. She then laughs like maniac and grabs the bodies one by one, dragging them back to her club's room. Her uniform was stained with blood but no one dared to question her for they know that she might attack them as well.

"Just as planned," Chikaru mumbled as she carried the bodies away.

--

"Aren't you happy I came right in time?" Shizuma grins at the person next to her.

Amane, seeing as how she currently has influenza, looked like shit, "...I saw you waiting..."

"Oh, don't I get a thank you or anything?"

"Aah! What the hell, man!? Get your appendage the hell away from me!"

Right then and there, Shizuma was finally able to grab some ass. She stpped caring whether the umbrella was big or not just as long as she could get herself some nice underaged chick to feel up. See, she likes girls like she likes her wine. Sweet and Someteen years old. I don't know.

--

It's over. Go home. Read a book or something. Next chapter'll be like... next week. That's plenty of time. Go, home, dammit. I even made this extra long for you. There's nothing else here. Yet. So, yeah, close this tab. In fact, close the browser and take an I.Q. test. I may have just lowered your I.Q. by about 21 or something. There's no secret side story here. Get out. Jesus Nutbusting Christ. 


	9. ADVENTURE TIME

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, then I wouldn't be saying this shit, dumbass. Or like, I'd add in some kawaii animu dancing in the beginning to lure in Otaku despite the shittiness. Like that Rukky Sutra or The Melon Trollies of Harum-Scarum Chia Pet. Damn, that junk sucked hard boiled eggs in tube socks. Yeah, I still don't own shit.

------------

It was a bright sunny day in wherever Nagisa lives.

"I fucking love the shit out of summer, son," Nagisa yells. Summer was reaching its climax in the server, "The hot babes, the beach filled with fucking kids with uncaring, dipshit parents, the fucking Forest school, whatever the fuck that is, and the motherfucking Ocean School, fuck I don't know what the hell that is either. If summer were some chick, I'd probably be banging her right now."

She was currently looking outside her window, with a pair of binocs, spying on random chicks while fapping to CP.

"No fucking homework, no rain, no fucking thunderstorms, and all that bullshit. But," Nagisa pauses, "There're fucking monsters and fucking spirits and fucking creepypastas and shit like that. If anyone fucking posts a creepypasta anywhere near me and make me shit fucking bricks, I'll fucking kill them."

--Fucking Memories--

There was a knock on the door. Reflexively, Tamao opened the door, hoping it would be the prostitot kids she ordered. Instead, it was Ayah and Hijiki. Shit, I mean, Yaya and Hikari.

"What the fuck!? We were waiting out there for two fucking hours!" Hikari shouts as she punches Tamao across the tits.

"You didn't knock, dipshit," Tamao was pissed off that she didn't get her lolis and got her tits smacked by an Aryan instead.

Yaya sat on one of the beds in the room. It was decorated with fuzzy handcuffs and used femidoms and shit. "You guys. Check this shit out," She had her hands on a pink box(this better not be symbolism). she takes the lid off and reveals to Tamao and Hikari a small machine the size of a mini SP.

"Naw dogg," Tamao pats Yaya across the head, "that won't fit inside."

Yaya whacks Tamao's hand away from her, "You dumb bitch. I haven't even told you what it is."

"Is it a mini oven?" Hikari asks her.

"It's my latest invention! The Sexomatic 3000!" Yaya grins at her fellow tribades, "This machine, once on, will let me have sex with virtually anyone that I want. Watch this..." she looks around the room for a bit, "Where the fuck did Nagisa go?"

"Aww, she better not go Anne Frank on me, " Hikari snarled, "'cause whatever she does, we're gonna find her anyway."

Tamao grabs her neck, quite close to the jugular, "Shut the fuck up please. Yaya, I think I recall seeing her in the closet. Probably looking at a dirty magazine or whatever you kids do nowadays. She won't come out," Tamao then looks over her shoulder.

"You see, sometimes you have to give them candy," Yaya nods.

Nagisa was peering through the closet, her hands probably inside in her pants or something.

"WHAT," Hikari says as she tries to pry Tamao's death grip from her neck.

Inside the closet, Nagisa was in her swimsuit. She was fucking pissed off that the thing was way too tight for her. Like a virgin, y'know? Damn, I'd be pissed too. Oh wait, the swimsuit. Yeah. Grinding up your places like that. Fucking hurts like a bitch.

"Hey, hey, watch this, you guys," Yaya walks over to the closet, her Sexomatic 3000 in her hands, "Dude, we're going to be getting on the Magic fucking School bus and we'll be going on adventures with Orca the fucking Explorer!"

"I have 10 dollars that is in need of taking... Jew..." Hikari grumbles.

"Stop talking about my sexy wet dreams!" Nagisa screams from inside, "NOBODY UNDERSTANDS MAH FEELINGZ."

A Linkin Park-MCR remix suddenly starts playing throughout the whole room.

"Maybe that's 'cause you never talk to anyone you fucking emo kid," Tamao and the others continuously dropped F-bombs all over the place because shit like that makes stories cooler apparently. So, whenever you're writing your kawaii Inu Yasha fanfic, make sure they say FUCK at least 5 times in every sentence so that the fic will be even more kawaii and sexay and intellekchually randim. ZOMG MUTHAFUCKIN SESSHY Y'ALL LOL :0!!

"Come out of the closet!" Hikari shouts to Nagisa, "Stop all these blatant symbolismisms!"

Even Star Bride/Mr. Hands could be heard outside, "Your resistance only makes my penis harder!" Though, I'm not even sure if it's talking to Nagisa.

"Man, if only we kept that Solar death Ray instead of selling it to those hicks back in Kansas," Tamao sighs.

"Ah, but we have something far better!" Yaya points the Sexomatic 3000 and points it at the door. She held her finger above the button that turns it on and make other people get turned on, "Get ready you gu--"

The door bursts open and out comes Nagisa. The ginger starts dry humping the shit out of Yaya's leg.

"WTF I didn't even turn it on."

Tamao grabs Nagisa by the waist and lifts her off of Yaya's now-violated leg.

"O lawd, dis is quite a matchoor chaptah dats fo troo," Tamao grunts as she tried to cease Nagisa of her pelvic thrusting.

--

The halls were dark, y'know. It was like some sort of stage set straight right out of Seeds of Anxiety. But, everyone knows that nothing is straight in Strawberry Panic. NOTHING. Anyway, Hikari and Yaya were walking the halls which was darker than a French woman's armpit. They were probably planning to get it on on the stairway, where other girls are usually seen knocking boots.

"NAGISA CHAN IS SO KAWAII :3" Hikari squeals.

"Man, that bitch is scary. Maybe I can use the Sexomatic 3000 on someone else, yah? Preferably someone with more tits than you--and that could mean ANYBODY," Yaya began poking fun at her friend... among other things.

"You little skank whore bitch dyke fuck shit damn ass hole fuck shit tits bitch."

"Wow. What the fuck was that about?" Yaya turns to Hikari.

"What? That wasn't me, yo. If it were me, I'd probably throw Jew somewhere in there."

"Then who the hell was that?" Yaya was pissed off now, "Don't tell me you've got bats in the cave."

"Now, now, If I did, they'd know to keep quiet at times like this."

"Give it up, shit for brains," the voice kept yelling, "You have nowhere to go. Now let me kill you."

"Sweet Jesus!" The Aryan was shitting bricks as we speak. Hikari was scared shitless. Yaya just gave the mysterious voice the finger and grabbed Hikari then ran the shit out of there.

Yaya cussed as she ran, "I am sick and tired of these motherfucking ghosts in this motherfucking... wherever Nagisa lives."

--

"SHABAAT!" Nagisa threw her hands in the air, waving them like she just don't care.

"You dumb shit," Tamao explains to Nagisa, "We are only to shout that word in the latrine!"

The two were in their classroom, with Chihaya and Mizushima inputted in their current party. They were currently playing some sort of game that does not seems to include whips and French maid outfits. Aww.

"NIGGERS!"

"Only in the waffle house!"

"HOLY SHIT PENIS HIKARI AND YAYA SAW MOTHERFUCKING MONSTERS Y'ALL."

"Wait," Chihaya pauses the ginger, "Are you talking about 'The Loli of the Hallway?' Wind Voices?"

Tamao looks up at Chihaya, "Oh yeah. Damn, that pussy won't yield no matter how much candy I stuff in my pants!"

"I'm talking about the Seven Wonders of the Server."

"Oh."

Nagisa squints her eyes at Tamao, "Wha-choo-tokkin-bout-Willis?"

"The Seven Great Demon Lords of the s--"

"Oh God," Nagisa groans and her rolls her eyes, "this better not be another shitty Digimon reference or I'm going to kill myself."

"Don't worry. It's not."

With that, Nagisa breathes a sigh of relief, "I'm tired of that shit. When are we going to get to the Pokketto Monsutaaassssss?"

"Silly Tamao," Chihaya wags her finger at the blue haired retard, "It's the Seven Bolshevisms of the server."

"Oh right..." Tamao bows her head down in shame. Later on, she'll probably seppuku herself from the embarrassment. I don't really give a shit.

Chihaya and Tamao start counting on their fingers because they sucks at the Maths even though they were Orientals, "There's: The Tacit Agreement, Hide and Seek, Wind Voices, The Stolid Door, The Watching Sea, The Empty Boombox, and then there's--"

"The Secret of the Basement," Chihaya says.

"Ann Coulter's Vagina," Tamao mentions. She looks at Chihaya since the girl said something different than her, "NIGGA WHUUUUUUUUUT."

Chihaya then went into retard, I mean, freaky-ass bitch mode, "Rumors say that on the walls of the forbidden basement, there are smears that looks like human feces."

"Don't you mean faces?" Nagisa asks.

"No."

"I heard that you can gain access into Ann Coulter's Vag through the Conference Room," Tamao shakes her head, "Lucky ass Student Council skanks..."

Nagisa rose from her seat and gave Tamao a swift chop to the face, "FUCK YOU, TOMATO." This caused the blue haired freak to go into a slight coma.

Mizushima looks down at Nagisa, who was currently on the floor, beating the shit out of Tamao, "Don't be such a pussy, man. If we were back in Nam, you wouldn't make it through the lunch line. Seriously, the food is like, WTF IS THIS."

Nagisa stood up and grabbed Mizushima by the collar, "Listen here, you little cunt. If we were back in Nam, I'd be all Forrest Gump and shit."

"Are you saying you're mentally retarded with an I.Q. of 75?"

The ginger snaps her fingers at the brunette, "Ha! You're wrong! My I.Q. is 75 and a half! Nagisa ONE, Chihuahua TWENTY TWO. What I'm saying is, I'm the main character so I survive and my shrimp-loving friend would die."

Tamao awakened from her coma. She brushes herself off and sits her ass back down on her seat, "This is weird. How come Chihaya and I know of different mysteries?"

"That too, in itself, is a mystery," Mizushima adds, "Besides, they're just made up by lonely nerds who still live with their moms and are constantly fapping to Angelina Jolie in their basement."

"Mizushima," Nagisa kindly speaks up, "please stop making fun of my lifestyle."

--

"Alright kids," The teacher says to her class, "Shut the fuck up."

The room of terrified lolis cowered under the control of the sexually sexible teacher.

"We're going to be talking about the clubs formed by dipshit kids like you," she stuffing some Mary Janes into some paper, "The admins told me to do this shit because she wants me to help you kids boost your motherfucking self-esteem. God damn," with a fully rolled joint in her hand, she took out a lighter and began lighting that doobie, "We're going to be talking about the NO FUCKING CUSSING CLUB. Man, whoever made that shit is going to be a virgin forever. I swear, man. Oh, shit, it's made by that Chikaru kid. Forget my last statement. Damn sex fiends everywhere."

Half of the class stood up from their seats and then the other half creeped up from underneath said seats.

"Turn to page 404, paragraph 9, sentence 45, word 9001. Read along with me you sick little shits: 'I am 14 fucking years old. I started the No Fucking Cussing Club at my junior high school in South Pasadena, California in 2007. A lot of cunts at my school, and some of my butt buddies, would cuss and use dirty language (like hairy cunt feltcher) all the fucking time. They did it so tittyfucking much, they didn't even realize they were doing it all the assraping time for fuck sakes. It bothered me so much that one day I told them to shut the fuck up! They were shocked. They didn't know that it was boiling my piss... Now there are NFCC members all across the world, smearing shit on each other's faces...'"

Nagisa stayed seated in her seat, playing DJ with Tamao.

...WAKKA WAKKA.

--

At the cafeteria, Tamao was presenting Nagisa all the data she gathered concerning the Seven Wonders of the fucking Astraea server.

"Holy fuck, Tomato," Nagisa yelps as the pile of data was dropped on the table, "You virtually have no life don't you...?"

"No, I don't."

"So what's all this shit then?"

"Didn't you read the sentence above your other sentence? It's the data I collected through internet polls regarding the Seven Mysteries."

The ginger began reading one of them, "'Would you have sex with Ann Coulter? 99 said yes and 1 said no, I'm afraid she'd bite my non-existent penis off.'" Nagisa threw the data back to the desk, "What the hell is this!? This isn't sexy at all!"

"Look at the I.P. addresses, fucktard," Tamao points to the bottom of the page, right below the porno ads.

"Holy impaled tits on a stick!" The ginger looked at that page as if it were the most valuable piece of shit in existence, "Oosaki-senseinekochan!? Now that's what I call sexy. So, she's from our school too, eh? That makes it even sexier."

"Uh-huh," Tamao nods, "We're like her little skanks or something."

" :O As you can see, from the usage of that emoticon right there, I'm feeling surprised."

"When I collected the data, it seems that there are differences with the Seven Mysteries," Tamao closed all the porno tabs on her browser and turned it to Nagisa, "For example, The Seven Mysteries Chiyo knows are the same as Chihaya knows. But, Oosaki-senseikawaiinekodesu only has to mysteries that are the same."

"Tomato... don't tell me..." Nagisa was so mortified that she spilled her slurpee on the floor, the blue liquid spreading like AIDS.

"Well, there's no rational way to say this..." Tamao scratches the back of her head, "Thankfully, I'm not a rational person. Yes, the people who know the same mysteries must have slept with each other! GENIUS."

"Nagisa?"

"Oh, sorry, I was thinking dirty thoughts about Oosaki-sensei."

"I've decided to write a report about this so I can send it to FOX so that they can do a sexy News Report about it! Like that on they did for 4chan!"

"FOX NEWS WILL ACCEPT ANYTHING!"

"YEAH!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS."

--

Hikari and Yaya were on a queue line to the pool. There was chaos everywhere. Apparently, there were two people blocking the pool claiming that there's AIDS in there.

"God damn it!" Hikari's piss was being boiled as of current, "There's a reason why I left Habbo Hotel and forced myself to move to fucking Harbl Hotel. Simply to get the fuck out of shit like this. Stupid retards. It's not even AIDS day! Oh shit, it's probably Hitler's birthday... Son of a bitch!"

Yaya got out of the line to go internet tough guy all over the motherfucking bitches blocking the pool. To her surprise, there were only three people there. Two girls dressed in a black tuxedo with afro wigs on them as well as one in a Mudkip costume, tethered to the railing. Yaya walks closer to try and see who it is. Much to her surprise, it was Kaname and Momomi. The one in the Mudkip costume was most likely Shion, once again, raped of her rights.

"Damn, we can't make a SwastiGET with only two people..." Kaname says.

"What if I killed you and broke your limbs into a swastika position?" Momomi jests, "Haha, but then again, I'll only do that if you cheat on me. Like that'll ever happen."

"Sure... yeah..." Kaname was a little uneasy, "of course I wouldn't. That'd just be terrible of me now, wouldn't it?"

"WHUT," Yaya points to the ELD, "You guys aren't even in this episode! GIT THE FOOK OUT."

"Dear God, save me," the 'Mudkip' pleaded, "You don't know how many times I had to face the wrath of the Donkey Punch... my pooper hurts like a bitch."

"Oh?" Kaname raises an eyebrow at Yaya's display of shounen-teenage-girl-tourette-syndrome, "RAWR I'M A LION."

"WHAT."

Momomi goes FACEPALM, "Oh, you're not part of the /b/lackup we requested."

"Hey, people want to get in the damn pool! GTFO the pool... AS WELL AS THIS EPISODE err, chapter... JUST GTFO," Yaya attempts to shove the two out of the way.

"No, there are Stingrays in there!" Momomi stops Yaya from going any further.

"STINGRAIDS, actually," the rapist corrects her jailbait girlfriend.

"It confuses me that you just won't jump in through the sides of the pool," Mudkip says, "In fact, that's what I'll be doing now."

Disgruntled, Yaya goes back to the line where Hikari was.

"GG," Kaname places her hand on Momomi's 'fro, only to get it stuck there, "What the fuck, dude? Spooge? Last time I recalled, I didn't have a dink."

"Oh, yeah, I glued it on," Momomi calmly says, "Tonight, just pretend you're having sex with Condoleezza Rice."

"She doesn't have a 'fro. And that's fucking sick. I'd hate to have my lips on those saggy meat curtains of hers... like a couple chops of liver slappin' together."

"Queen Latifah."

"WAIT WHAT."

"Bill Cosby."

Shion's struggles could be heard from the background as she is trying to jump into the pool to kill herself.

Yaya runs up to Hikari. The Aryan looks at her and shakes her head, "Damn, I knew the author was going to pull this shit sooner or later. I think I'll go with that Mudkip over there and do whatever its doing..."

Fortunately for Shion, she fell into the pool, contracting AIDS and got run over by a semi soon after.

--

So, because of all the bullshit happening at the pool, Yaya and Hikari decided to just have fun in the shower. Y'know, dropping their soaps and junk. Also, more pot. Because... that adds to the sexiness. Speaking of t3h secks, Nagisa and Tamao came (lol) too so that they can have some good ol' fashioned fun with their BFFs.

"Last night? At the hallways?" Yaya asks her friends as she dropped her soap for the 89th fucking time.

"I swear, man!" Hikari was going insane from the mention of the loli, "I thought she was eighteen!"

"They're talking about the monster thing, I think."

"Digital monsters?" Hikari asks.

"FUCK YOU," Nagisa glares at her, "No more Digimon or I will fucking rip out your neck and shit down your throat."

"That sounds extremely sexy," the Aryan smiles.

"See, we're investigating the Seven Mysteries so that the girls at the literature club will find me fuckable," Tamao explains to Yaya and Hikari, "So, where did you find it? What feelings did you have?"

"Hmm... near the entrance... right at the border to Mexico, I mean, that place wherever I live, and I was feeling somewhat aroused," Hikari tells Tamao.

"It's true, you know," Yaya replies, "I almost slipped on the wet floor."

Here we have an overhead view of the showers. Hikari has a delicious flat chest but nobody cares because when they're high her tits can seem really big. That must be why Amane always looking fucking stoned. Or I don't know, don't fucking ask me. I suck shit at theories.

"So, it wasn't a normal voice, yah?" Tamao continued asking them questions.

"It sounded like... an ass I didn't tap..." Hikari answers. She looks to Nagisa and screams, "HOLY SHIT PISS."

Nagisa stares at Hikari for about 45 minutes because it takes time for her tiny brain to comprehend such vocabulary. She turns around and finds Yaya. Naked. With the Sexomatic 3000 in her tired hands. The black haired dyke points the machine at Nagisa and presses on the button. And here you can see my shitty use of syntax.

The ginger looks at the machine, then to Yaya, then to the machine again, "I don't get it."

Yaya shook the machine to her ear to hear if any parts were moved. She turns the machine to Nagisa once again and presses the button. Once again. And once again, nothing happened once again.

"What the hell, you must be too much of a bitch for this to work."

With that, Yaya left unsatisfied and horny.

--

That night, in their dorms, after having so much forced buttsecks, they discussed the... thing... they were doing. Fuck, I lost track of everything.

"Hey Nagisa, guess what?"

"What is it, Tomato?"

"All the people who knew about the loli in the hallway... well, I don't think you'd want to know. You're too much of a pussy to handle stuff like this."

"Okay then," Nagisa went back to bed.

Tamao, disgruntled, shook her awake, "Hey, hey! I'm going to tell you anyway."

"...okay... can you hurry this up. I'm taking the exit exams tomorrow. I'll be taking it this year so that when you guys are taking it next year, I can ditch and have buttsecks with all the little first graders and... buy some French vanilla ice cream... wait... what were you going to tell me?" Nagisa wiped her eyes full of sleep and horniness.

"All the people who knew about the loli in the hallway... are LESBIANS :0 WAHT A TWIST!" Tamao said flailing her arms like those weird wacky inflatable dudes you see at car dealerships. Fuck yeah, awesome simile.

"WOW TOMATO THAT NARROWS IT DOWN TO..." Nagisa pretends to count on her fingers, "EVERY FUCKING STUDENT IN THE SCHOOL. GOOD JOB! YOU'RE LIKE STEPHEN FUCKING HAWKING."

Tamao snaps her fingers at her butt buddy, "Oh--but I'm walking."

"Nice rhyme-related comeback," Nagisa smiles.

"Thanks, man. Anyway, the rumor's pretty recent. I have a theory of how it happened. It's not like the theory of relativity with moonspeak words no one understands--my theory is much better. And sexier."

Nagisa sits up from her bed, "Oh, do tell."

"One night, a lone student from the Strawberry Dorms," Tamao turns to the ginger with a creepy-as-fuck smile on her face, "And was raped... right in the anus."

By that time, Nagisa had fallen asleep again. Tamao went up to her ear and screams, " 'SUP SHOOOOOOOOOOOORTYYYYY."

Nagisa went upright faster than an erect pen0r, "Mang, I dee'nt steel all of dem green cards, esse! Paco ran off to Pepe's and bawt yoo gaiz fukken nachos wid his own food stamps, chico!"

"lol, that's one of the most awesomely racist shit ever," Tamao lol'd, "G'night, faggot. Tomorrow we'll be having sex with the upperclassmen since this is the only way they'll be telling us info about this story."

--

Tamao was in her bed, awakened to grunting noises on top of her. It was Nagisa dry-humping her like she did to Yaya's legs earlier before. The ginger seemed to be in a trance, "UNF UNF."

"WHAT THE--! I WANTED TO BE POWER TOP!" Tamao cries as her butt buddy continued with her bizznizz.

"Fuck!" Yaya could be hear outside their window. This time, she had the Sexomatic 6000 with her, "The modification didn't work!

"Y'know what's funny Nagisa?"

"UNF UNF."

"This is the first time we've actually slept together. Y'know, mutually and stuff."

"UNF."

"What's that Nagisa? Ever since you transferred here you've wanted to sleep with me?"

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHHHH..." Nagisa grabbed for Tamao's arm and held it tightly.

"Did you know Nagisa? If we sleep together holding hands, we'll dream to same dreams."

And so they did. They dreamt of being in a Ricky Martin music video. I don't really know why nor do I care to know why. Because I really don't care. I stopped caring when they started airing that Tila Tequila bullshit. Fuck y'all and your cats.

--

At the conference room, Tamao and Nagisa were wearing dominatrix outfits. Tamao had a whip in hand while Nagisa had a gerbil in a toilet paper tube. They had busted in through the windows and were in the presence of Rokujew, I mean Rokujou. It's about time I start getting that shit right.

"What the... you're definitely not Shion... you're forehead is 56 way too small..." Rokujou steps back, frightened, "You're lolis! Why, I could go to jail for this!"

It was too late, the internet police were already in the room, ready to handcuff Rokujou. This made Nagisa smile, "Oh man. This is more appropriate than the literal meaning of Tamao's name. Blue balls."

"Hey, hey," Tamao looks at Nagisa, "shuttup."

The weird ass President chick ran out of the room screaming, "See you in 48 years!"

After 0.0001 seconds, she was dragged back to the conference room, "...or the visiting hours at the prison."

--

So, as a last resort, they decided to visit Shizuma since she was Rokujou's closest friend. CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSEEEEEEESSSSSSSTTTTT. The dyke was in her greenhouse, inhaling the toxic fumes in order to get herself out of the hell hole that is Astraea. Motherfucking greenhouse gases and shit.

"Hey, what happened to Miyuki?" Shizuma asks as she smoked her bong.

"What's a Miyuki?" Nagisa asks.

"Rokujou Miyuki," Shizuma replies.

"Ohh, that chick, yeah I get you now," Nagisa laughs, "she was sent to jail for trying to have sex with minors."

Shizuma went HEADDESK, "God damn, I hate that 'you can't date anyone lower than 18 when you ARE 18 rule because it's illegal for an adult to make hot jungle sex with a minor'... Damn, foreigners."

"Okay."

"Anything else, kid?"

"Oh, yeah, that loli in the hallway shit? We wanted to get her answer about that but since she's in jail..."

"Ah, if only she were arrested two weeks ago, she'd only be in juvie..." Shizuma sighs, "So, what'd she say?"

"She said my forehead wasn't big enough to match that of something called a Shion," Nagisa scratches her head, "So, can you tell us any answers?"

"No."

"Fuck you, then."

As Nagisa was about to leave the greenhouse, she was assaulted and raped by Shizuma. Nagisa contracted crabs that day.

--

Tamao and the recently-assaulted ginger had stumbled upon an ingenious idea. Who else could not more about lolis than, well, you know who.

"So, there I was, see? She was struggling under my power," Chikaru continues, "I locked my eyes with her and moved forward. Her eyes were filled with fear and that shit turned me on. She began crying. At that time, I knew I had the advantage. So, I took out my machete and threatened her that if she didn't take her pants off in 30 seconds, I would slit her throat and violate that instead. You see, back then, I was quite the guro fanatic."

Nagisa and Tamao nod their heads simultaneously. They were intrigued by Chikaru's story.

"Suddenly, to my dismay, she kicked me down and got on top of me instead. She grabbed my machete and stabbed me in the stomach. I think she stole my wallet, I don't know, it had my greencard in it, so I'm still kinda pissed. I was knocked out. I swear, man, she was insane. Shion's an apeshit bitch, I tell you. I would've got some too if only she weren't a year older than me. That's why I only go after lolis or chicks that look like lolis. In other words, still Shion. Or so this website says."

"Whoa, whoa, hold on there," Tamao looks to the side, thoughtful, "Was she the loli in the hallway?"

"Well, she wasn't really a loli... well, technically, she was back then but not for me," Chikaru was still talking about her shitty ass story, "but it definitely happened in the hallway. Honest, ask the teachers, they were there. Cameraphones and all. The walls have ears, yadda yadda, at least 100 years, blah blah, old meme alert."

Nagisa fell into a whirlpool of deep, intelligent thought, "...The walls are like corn... ears... wall and corn... Cornwall... corn... corn... corm... I like corm."

The older girl smiles at the two, "Hey, did I ever tell you the time when I gave Charlie Brown an ass load of rocks for Halloween? The kid was so pissed off, he caused a mass murder in his town. Apparently, when he accidentally shot Snoopy, he flipped out and killed himself. My God, I should get an award for this."

Tamao wasn't listening to anything the girl was saying. Instead, she just stared at her, or rather, her chest, "Can I touch your boob?"

Chikaru rubs her temples, "And the award for failing at life goes to--!!"

--

That night, in her sleeping quarters, Tamao was putting her ghost buster gear on. Well, actually it was only a sprit gun called Kagatsuchi. She put on glasses in order to break the ghost's line of sight and to appear more sexually appealing to the other girls in the dorm. As the door creaked open, she heard slight breathing behind her. She turns around and sees Nagisa.

"Get back in the bed, ho," Tamao snaps at her.

"What if the ghost comes for me!?" Nagisa started BAAWWWing.

Tamao points to the window, "You mean like Vagina Face over there?"

Nagisa takes a quick glance at the window and sees a round head, with only vertical slits for eyes and a mouth to form a face. The body wasn't visible due to the dark. Right then and there, Nagisa shat a house of bricks.

"Yeah, that thing's always been there. Kinda pisses me off."

"Take me with you! Every superhero must have a sidekick!"

"Good point. I'll be AwesomeChick and you can be JusticeFag."

--

-TAMAO AND NAGISA GO ON AN ADVENTURE!-

Nagisa held on to her butt buddy since she was scared as shit. This gave Tamao another chance to grab some underage boobs without the worry of getting B&. They had ventured into the hallway. Every step was like a gamble. All of a sudden, there was some rustling noise behind some of the decorative plants.

"Don't worry, boss," Tamao's Gaomon had appeared out of nowhere. Like it always does. This time, it was trying to act brave so that its tamer would get the credit, followed by some boob, from what it did, "I'll check it out."

Gaomon climbed into the thick forest of household plants. Then, there was a loud noise from inside. Up popped the ghost, the fastest shooter in the retarded show. She was holding Gaomon by the leg. They then realized that she had blasted off Gaomon's head.

"You know what to do," Tamao looks over to Nagisa-nekochandekawaii.

"Oh, right!," Nagisa began chanting, "Swiper no killing. Swiper no killing." She said those same lines for over 45 minutes.

"What the fuck, Nagisa!?"

"Um..."

By this time, Nagisa did now know what she had to do for but the show must go on she thought as she pigged out on an ass load of pizzas straight from her pockets. Even after that, she was still hungry.

"NAGISA! THE GHOST!" Tamao was shooting blindly into the night, bullet after bullet.

"I will go feast at Ice Cream Mountain!" The ginger thought of the route she was going to take, "First I'd have to go through Taco Bell, then Mc Donald's, and finally, I'd stop at Wendy's!" She was starving just thinking about it.

As Nagisa was exiting the doors, Tamao held her arm out, causing the ginger to run right into the extended limb, hitting her in the neck. Nagisa fell to the floor, choking on her Fast Food dreams. She shoved Tamao out of the way and ran out the door. She looked back, only to see Tamao attempting sexual intercourse with the loli ghost.

On her way to Taco Bell, Nagisa was faced with a video-game-like scenario. There was a furry blocking the restaurant's entrance. Nagisa charged forward and fought with the Chihuahua. The furfag bit one of her fingers off causing the ginger to cry out in pain. "That was the test," The furry says after twenty minutes of laughing, "You may enter." Nagisa squealed with glee as she charged her diabetes-prone ass into Taco Bell ordering motherfucking burritos. The toilets were out of order by the time she left Taco Bell in the morning.

Nagisa was still not satisfied. Up the road, she saw a ginormous M. She got very excited and headed up on that way. By the time she was close to the entrance, she saw Kaname in a yellow clown suit, blood smeared all over the place, sitting on a bench. She didn't even bother wearing the fro since she was traumatized and was put off that shit for a while. Nagisa had a doofy smile on her face as she continued in. As she was about to open the doors, the Ken Ichijouji look-alike grabbed the ginger, "Yaranaika?" She followed Nagisa in. Every twenty minutes, for the rest of the night, it would be cheeseburgers and getting raped in the play place.

The next morning, Nagisa headed out to Wendy's. The whole walk, all she could do was just wonder what her next challenge would have to be. She approached the doors with caution, but before she could sneak in, she got bitch slapped by another ginger, but this time, with freckles and braids. She's probably the chick from the student council. Nagisa got pissed and sat on the anorexic bitch, killing her. You see, since Nagisa went on her food-related quest, she had gained a shitload of pounds but it doesn't show since in SP, no matter how fat you are, you'll always look like a retarded pro-ana teenage girl with huge-ass eyes that fill 80 of your face. Anyway, Nagisa went into Wendy's very happy.

On the final day, Nagisa arrived at the Ice Cream Mountain. But, there was something else waiting for her besides food. It was Tamao, sitting on an ice cream cone, she had a MachGaogamon, or however you spell it, who was surprisingly still alive. She pointed to Nagisa and the blue floating mecha-furry thing shot a huge-as-fuck missile at Nagisa. The bitch exploded, causing mixed fruit to fly into the air. Tamao lit a cig and basked in its amazing rich lung piercing flavor, "This is for leaving me back there, skank." To her right was the ghost. It was the loli version of Miyuki. The ghastly loli was sweating and her clothes had been put on backwards. To the left was Shizuma's loli ghost. She was pissed that it wasn't a threesome. Well, it was, but it was Tamao, Ghost-Loli Miyuki and a Heineken. The gray haired box muncher was left out to be cameraman.

--

Miyuki was in her classroom. She was looking out the window, daydreaming about black power and shit. Her daze was cut short as the teacher threw a HUEG AS XBOX Encyclopedia at her sorry face. She fell back her seat and cracked a part of her head upon contact of the floor.

"FUCK!" Miyuki yelled out, pissed off.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING YELL AT ME!" Their old hag of a teacher replies to her. She walks up to Miyuki and slaps her in the face. OH GOD IN THE FACE.

"YOU'RE A BITCH," Miyuki sassed.

"YOU'RE A WHORE."

"YOU'RE A BIGGER WHORE."

"WELL YOU'RE A BIGGER BITCH."

Shizuma stood up from her seat and screams at the top of her fucked up lungs, "ALL CAPS FIGHT! CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL. TESTIBREASTS! BREASTICLES! RAWNG LOWKAYSHOOOON NIGGGAAAAAAAA! BOOBS!"

"STFU!" Miyuki and her teacher screams at Shizuma simultaneously.

The gray haired crackhead sat back in her seat and began playing DJ with herself as she read an African ritual article in one of them National Geographic magazines. Learning is good, yes? Jungle fucking fever.

--

The pools were still closed.

In the queue line, Tamao and Nagisa, who was resurrected by using a restore disk, were having a friendly conversation concerning the case they couldn't solve. And the blockade. Damn.

"About the loli in the hallway," Tamao began, "I couldn't collect all the data because you had to go on some dipshit adventure!"

"Well, I guess you've learned a lesson!" Nagisa wags her finger at Tamao, "No more brick shitting stuff, aight?"

"Actually, I'm here to tell you that we're going to solve the rest of the other mysteries. Scooby Doo style. Not shitty Dora the motherfucking fatass Explorer style. Fuck."

Nagisa scratches her head and tries to peer across the long line of people, trying to find out what was blocking the way. She steps out from the line and walks towards the end. She finds Kaname and Momomi, still wearing tuxedos though sans afros. Shion was resurrected too, much to her frustration, and was now in a Shiny Pidgey outfit.

Kaname walks over to the ginger, "HABEEB IT."

"WHAT IN THE MOTHERFUCK?!"

Momomi was rather perplexed by this, "What is this madness!?"

Something ticked inside Nagisa. The ginger grabs her armor and goes face to face with the brunette, "MADNESS...? THIS. IS. SPAR--"

Shion punches the ginger fag across the face, "Shut the fuck up, you retarded ginger."

Tamao had went off to search for Nagisa. As soon as she laid her eyes on Shion, she went hysterical, "Scissor me timbers! I knew this chance would come back!" She then tackles the frightened blonde and began having buttsecks with her. Nagisa didn't notice as she was too busy having buttsecks with the brunette while pulling on her pigtails like a motherfucker from behind. Kaname just pulled out her camera and began filming the whole thing. In a matter of days, the film became one of the top videos on JewTube. Right next to Chawklit Rein.

Nothing really changed. It was still a hellhole in wherever Nagisa lives...

--

The ginger goes to the cooking club to visit her friend Chihaya. She wanted to tell the dyke that the ghost shit was made up so that she could gloat in it and the other girl would be disappointed for the rest of her short life. As she entered, for some reason it was empty but one of the oven's were still open. Nagisa accidentally farts and the whole place blows up. Who are they going to call for this shit!?

"Can we build it!?"

"NO, IT'S FUCKED!"

Find out next time on Bob the motherfucking builder, y'all. Peace out. You can close the tab now.


End file.
